


Take the Long Way Home

by cavaleira



Category: Marvel (Movies), Thor (2011)
Genre: Loki and Thor have a lot of feelings, M/M, Post Avengers (Movie), Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-10 20:21:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 62,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavaleira/pseuds/cavaleira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor strikes a deal with Loki: each month, he will trade half of his golden apple for one day spent together in a temporary truce. Both brothers find themselves getting more than they bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. January

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [长路归家 Take the Long Way Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/742719) by [wheniseeyou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheniseeyou/pseuds/wheniseeyou)



> For this lovely prompt over on norsekink:  
> http://norsekink.livejournal.com/9985.html?thread=20695553#t20695553

It is a memory that gives him the idea.

When they were children, Thor and Loki would sneak into Idunn's orchards and climb the branches of the tallest apple tree. There was a game they would play as they climbed, each searching for the juiciest, plumpest apple. Once each had found their pick, they would sit on a branch, pressed close to each other and compare. And then Loki would take the best apple, cut in half, and hand one half to Thor. They would sit there in their tree, laughing and each eating their half, juice dripping down their chins.

Thor will never forget how his brother's green eyes would glint in the sunlight with simple joy. Before he learned to hide himself away, before his every expression became the result of careful calculation.

It was there that they shared their first kiss, and Thor still remembers the warm heat of the sun on his face, the sweet taste of apples on his Loki's lips. As they got older the tradition continued, although it became less and less frequent.

Now he only ever sees Loki staring at him in anger from the opposite line of the battlefield.

Asgardians are not immortal, not exactly. Their lives extend for so long only through the magic of the apples that grow in Idunn's orchards. Loki is a wanted man in Asgard and he cannot even show his face there, let alone ask the goddess for an apple (which she would no doubt deny him anyway). Thor doesn't know how long it has been since Loki had an apple. The very thought of his brother aging and dying like a mortal is something Thor cannot bear. 

And so Thor makes a decision.

There are not many he can trust to help him, and so he goes to his mother and tells her of his intentions. Frigga's knowledge of magic is limited, but she tells Thor enough to attempt a simple summoning spell and magical pendant that will hide him from Heimdall's gaze. The spell is not powerful enough to force Loki to him, but he knows that being backed into a corner is not something his brother appreciates anyway. It is more like… a call placed by one of the mobile devices the Midgardians favor. A call that Loki can decide whether or not to answer.

He goes away to a secluded forest to perform the spell. Although subterfuge was always more of Loki's area, Thor does not want the other Avengers to know of his actions. They do not understand his relationship with Loki, they never have. 

He loves Loki like no other. Even when his body ceases to draw breath and his soul goes to Valhalla, he will still feel the same. He can no more stop loving Loki than he can stop fighting for what is right, even though to many people those things appear to be at odds with each other. 

Once the spell is cast, he sits down on a hollow log and waits. He cannot be sure that Loki will come, but he knows his brother well. He hopes his summons will pique his brother's deep-rooted sense of curiosity.

Thor feels a flutter of wind and he looks up to see Loki standing before him. He wears his armor but not his helmet. His cheeks are sunken in and his eyes smolder with contempt. And yet he looks so beautiful that it makes Thor's heart clench.

Thor is the first to speak.

"I was not certain you would come."

Loki gives a short bark of a laugh. "The Mighty Thor attempting to use a summoning spell? Such a great warrior, stooping to the arts of us cowardly sorcerers? I have to admit I was most intrigued."

There are many things that Thor wants to say. That he does not think that sorcery is cowardly and that he's sorry for the times he belittled Loki's talents. But these are things he has told Loki before and he knows they will fall on deaf ears. And besides, he has called Loki here for a very specific purpose.

"I wish to make a bargain with you, brother," Thor says.

Loki laughs mirthlessly. "Do you truly think it wise to make bargains with _me_ , Thor?"

"Perhaps not, but I have never claimed to be wise."

"So speak, then. Tell me about this foolish 'bargain' you wish to strike with me," Loki says as he crosses his arms across his chest.

Thor picks up the small bag at his feet. He stands and crosses the distance between them until he stands before Loki, but not too close. He doesn't want Loki to run, not before Thor has spoken his piece.

Thor reaches into the bag and pulls out the apple and a small knife. He cuts it in half and lets the bag and the knife fall to the forest floor. He holds the halves of the apple, one in each hand. One hand is held closer to himself and the other extended towards Loki. 

Thor sees the moment the realization crosses Loki's face. It is fleeting, but his expression turns soft. In that moment he almost looks like the brother Thor once knew. But as soon as it appears, it is gone again and replaced with a scowl.

"You are a sentimental fool," Loki spits out. 

"And yet you remember too," Thor counters. "Perhaps I am not the only sentimental one among us, brother."

This only makes Loki's scowl deeper. He turns his face away from Thor and looks out into the distance. Thor imagines that he can hear the wheels in Loki's mind turning as he processes this new information. 

Loki looks back at Thor, his expression wary. 

"And what would you have in return?" he asks.

"One day."

Loki raises an eyebrow at this.

"Each month I will call for you and bring an apple from Idunn's orchards. For each apple I share with you, I ask for one day," Thor continues, "one day where all grievances against each other are forgotten and we pass the time together as brothers, as we once were."

"You are an even bigger fool than I imagined," Loki says, voice laced with contempt. "Too much has passed between us for it to be forgotten, even for a day. What you ask for is impossible!"

Thor laughs. "What does 'impossible' matter to you, brother? You who have only ever seen the word as a challenge to overcome."

"I could say the same of you," Loki retorts.

"Aye," Thor nods. "So then, do we have a deal?"

Loki steeples his fingers and places them against his lips as he considers things for a long moment.

"Yes," he says finally. 

They spend that day in the forest, wandering down the trails together in a way reminiscent of the quests of their youth. Thor catches a fish and they cook it over a fire that Loki conjures. Thor tells Loki about the wonders he has seen on Midgard, all of the places he wishes to show Loki. 

Loki is stiff and distant, but he is not actively hostile. When the day is over and he takes his half of the apple, he nods at Thor in acknowledgement before he disappears in a puff of green fire. Thor considers it a victory. A small one, but a victory nonetheless. 


	2. February

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We still have Thor's POV in this chapter, but we'll be finding out how Loki feels about their bargain in the next chapter.
> 
> I have actually never been to Taos, so I hope I did it justice here.

_Taos, New Mexico_

Thor and Loki stand side by side on the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge. They lean against the railing, staring out at the magnificent view. Through the light cloud cover, the sun glints off the dark walls of the gorge itself, the light getting lost as it goes further down into the abyss below. To the east, the Sangre de Cristo mountains loom, covered in tall trees all orange, yellow, and green. It's a beautiful day and the sun will be setting soon. This is what Thor brought Loki out here to see.

It's a Tuesday so there aren't as many tourists, and the bridge is long enough for them to distance themselves from the others and have some semblance of privacy. Thor and Loki themselves are mostly quiet but between the voices of scattered tourists and the vendors down by the parking lot and the sound of the bridge shaking as occasional cars go by, there is almost enough noise to fill up the heavy silences between them.

There is a chill in the air, but nowhere near the level Thor experienced in New York that morning when leaving the Avengers Tower. While Thor is in warm jacket with a simple shirt and jeans, Loki is impeccably dressed in a black suit which is clearly expensive and well-made. It reminds Thor of the suits Tony wears sometimes when he goes to important meetings for his company. He sometimes wonders if in a different world, Loki and Tony would have been friends. Though Loki's suit is elegant, it doesn't look particularly warm. Thor wonders briefly if Loki is cold, but he doesn't ask. It will only lead to bringing up Loki's Jotun heritage, which is a major sore point for his brother. Thor has faith that someday he'll make Loki see that it doesn't matter, but they are not there yet.

Their day has been awkward, but Thor's finds that any discomfort is worth it to spend time with Loki in this way. Loki is always moving so quickly, always running away from Thor, so it's nice to see him sit still for moment like he used to. Loki is striking, and Thor cannot help but appreciate his sharp silhouette and the grace of his hands as he sips a glass of fine Asgardian spiced wine - his favorite, in fact - that Thor brought for them.

Right or wrong, Thor has always found Loki beautiful (and part of Thor wonders how things would be different if he'd had the courage to do something about it back when he had the chance). But seeing him so at home in these Midgardian clothes is a painful reminder of the rift between them. Up until they struck their bargain, Thor has spent the past decade only seeing his brother on the other side of the battlefield. But not even Loki could spend all of his time plotting and scheming. Loki has a whole other life, a life that Thor knows nothing about. Where does he live? Does he have a "secret lair" like Tony and Clint like to joke, or has he made a home for himself? Loki could have a coffeemaker or a pet or a whole closet full of suits like the one he wears today, and Thor would never know. Even though Loki is standing right next to him, it still feels like he's miles away.

These basic, everyday details are the things that Thor used to know about his brother, the little things that he took for granted. He can't pinpoint exactly when things changed. Even though he knows it must have been a gradual thing, it still feels like he woke up one day to find his best friend was now his mortal enemy. But he knows the very fact that he didn't notice the change coming is part of the problem. He was oblivious when Loki most needed his attention, and now they're both paying the price. There was a period, after Loki helped the Avengers to defeat Thanos that Thor thought they might resolve the issues between them, but it was not to be. He must accept that a rift formed so gradually will be slow to repair itself.

Before coming to watch the sunset, they spent most of the day up in the mountains having a picnic of sorts. When Thor had returned to Asgard for his apple, he'd made a detour to the palace kitchens for some of Loki's favorite foods. In addition to the wine, Thor also managed to take fresh bread, a fine cheese imported from Alfheim, a variety of fruits, and the delicate cream-filled pastries that Loki so loved. Thor fondly remembers sneaking into the kitchens together to steal them as young children and co-conspirators in all kinds of mischief.

Loki had scowled and muttered something about Thor being "ridiculously transparent", but he still ate with gusto. His brother was slighter than many Asgardians, but he'd always had a huge appetite. Thor only ate his own food and tried not to smile too hard. It made him happy to see his brother take pleasure in something other than trying to hurt him.

Thor had considered taking Loki to Taos Pueblo to see the beautiful adobe dwellings there, but the fact remains that no one can know of their bargain. They can't very well be seen together in public, no one would understand. Thor is sure that Loki has ways around that with spells and glamours, but they are only 2 months into their agreement. Thor doesn't think letting Loki perform magic on him is a particularly great idea.

The day is nearly over and though they haven't physically done much, Thor feels exhausted. He is tired of the tense silences in between his own attempts to get Loki to talk and Loki's terse answers.

"You could _try_ , brother," Thor sighs.

Loki rolls his eyes. "I am not your brother, Thor. And I _am_ trying. The mere fact that you're still breathing is a testament to that."

"I don't know, brother," Thor says, "I think you protest too much. You are cleverer than any other I have known. I think if you truly wished me dead, then I would have died years ago."

Loki fixes Thor with a sharp gaze, and he can tell that his comment is getting under Loki's skin.

 _Good,_ he thinks.

"Perhaps I wish to draw it out," Loki says, quickly recovering. "Perhaps I wish to torment you and make you suffer."

No matter how many years have passed and how many times they've fought each other, Thor finds that it still stings to hear Loki speak to him this way. He swallows it down for now. It's so rare that he and Loki actually talk, that's he's given the chance to have Loki actually _listen_ to him. There's no sense in turning back now, and so he presses on.

"I never said you did not want to hurt me. I only said that you didn't wish me dead."

"Ah, you think yourself a wordsmith now, do you Thor?" Loki says with a vicious laugh. Thor recognizes the expression on Loki's face, the one he makes when he's going in for the kill. "There is no love lost between us. You are not my brother, you are _nothing_ to me. You are nothing more than a fool who is blinded by sentiment."

"And you are the most talented liar in all the Nine Realms."

Thor knows it would be better if he could play it cool, but he's so intensely proud of himself for being able to keep up with Loki for once that he can't help his grin.

Loki gives him a glare that would kill a lesser man, but he doesn't speak. Thor isn't sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. He feels like he's won a victory, but with Loki one can never tell. All Thor can do is hope Loki has taken his words to heart.

"I still don't understand why you have brought me here," Loki says.

"I..." Thor pauses for a long moment, but the words don't come. He lets out a huff of frustration before gesturing out to the view in front of them and saying, "Just watch."

The sun is finally setting and it's breathtaking. It looks almost unreal, like a painting come to life with light and color that seem to stretch on for miles.

When Thor was newly returned to Midgard after thwarting Loki's plans with the Chitauri, Jane had started his "education" off by taking him to many places in New Mexico. Thor wanted to know everything, to see all there was to see of his home away from home. He enjoyed Santa Fe and Albuquerque, but there was just something about Taos that felt almost magical. There's something about the warm glow of this particular sunset that reminds him of the golden spires of Asgard. As much as Thor enjoys his time with the mortals, he will always long for Asgard. But his longing is not just about a place, it's also about a time. A time when everything in Thor's life made sense, before he lost the person he loves most to anger and madness. Sitting there now watching the sunset with his brother by his side is almost like having that back, if only for a brief moment. Thor hopes that if he is patient, in the end he can have it back permanently.

When the brilliant pinks and yellows and golds have nearly faded, Thor sighs contentedly. He turns to face Loki, the waning light washing over his sharp features making him appear softer than Thor has seen him look in many years.

"Was it not a glorious sunset, brother?" Thor asks.

"It was... pleasant," Loki says. Thor can tell that his own expression must be very pleased by the way Loki rolls his eyes at him.

"Yes, Thor," he says sardonically, "even I can admit when a sunset is beautiful."

Thor laughs, but it tapers off when he sees Loki tense slightly as he clasps his hands together in a movement that should be casual but isn't.

"Although," Loki drawls, "I cannot say I appreciate you taking me to places introduced to you by that _woman_." And the last word is said with such contempt that it almost makes Thor cringe.

"How did you...?" But _of course_ he did. Thor is kicking himself for his mistake. For him, his romantic relationship with Jane has been over for several years now and she is a dear friend. He only wanted to share something beautiful with his brother, to make him remember that there's more to life than just destruction. But Loki looks for meaning in everything. Loki holds grudges and hoards his hurts and resentments like a jealous magpie.

"Loki," Thor says gently, "you must know that my courtship of the Lady Jane has long since ended."

"Do not patronize me, Thor. And besides, your romantic entanglements are no business of mine."

Thor sighs. Today has been a series of starts and stops. For a moment it seemed like they were making a little progress, but now Loki's whole body is whipcord tense and he's staring out at the sky, refusing to look at Thor.

"I should like my half of the apple now," Loki says brusquely.

Thor lets out another sigh and picks up his bag, pulling out the apple and knife. He cuts it in half quickly and hands a half to Loki, who snatches it out of Thor's hand and turns to go.

"Until next month then?" Thor asks, though he fears the Loki is too angry now to continue with their deal. Loki looks down at the half apple in his hand, then he looks down at Thor.

"Yes," he grits out.

"Excellent!" Thor says, smiling brightly in the way he knows annoys Loki and gets under his skin. Words and gestures will always be Loki's weapons, but Thor is not always as oblivious as many seem to believe. One does not grow up with the God of Mischief and Lies without picking up a few tricks.

Loki scowls at him, giving a long suffering sigh. And while it's not the expression Thor would like to see on his brother's face, it warms him at the same time. Because if he can predict Loki's reactions in this way, it means that he still knows him. It means that the brother he knew and loved is not beyond his reach.

"I will call for you when the time comes," Thor says.

Loki nods and meets Thor's gaze. This time his expression unreadable, but that's alright too. Understanding Loki is like learning an obscure language, one with seemingly arbitrary rules that never stay the same. A language that is fickle and fluid and beautiful. Thor used to know how to keep up with these shifts, but sometime in the last centuries he has nearly forgotten how. But Thor is stubborn. It will not be easy, but he will regain his fluency if it's the last thing he does.

Loki breaks Thor's gaze and with a short wave of his hand he is gone. Thor stands on the bridge, bathed in twilight as he stares out at the horizon.

_Until next month then._


	3. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, a chapter from Loki's POV.

_New York City, New York_

It's a Thursday morning when Loki feels the pull of the summoning while reading on the couch in his New York penthouse. It's one of the 4 main residences he maintains on Earth (not counting the handful of safe houses and various secret caches). Loki rolls his eyes as he heads into the master bedroom to choose something to wear. Leave it to Thor to summon Loki on his own name day.

Loki prefers his villa in Italy to this apartment, but he is quite fond of it nonetheless. It gives him great pleasure to be living there right under the Avengers' noses, in their very city. With all the magical wards he has in place, he is impossible to find. The apartment itself is large and beautifully furnished. The living room has hard wood floors and is sleek and modern, full of bookshelves and leather furniture. The windows are massive and have a beautiful view of the city, but there isn't much to see today through the dark clouds and rain. It doesn't feel like home per se, but Loki has found "home" to be a concept that is vastly overrated. As he pads across the floor, he feels Kisa wind her way through his legs, purring lightly as she rubs against him.

"Silly cat," he mutters, but there's no heat in it. Having a pet is not necessarily keeping up with his image as an evil mastermind, but he supposes that a cat is the least objectionable of the options. He never expected this, but Loki's life has always been one to take unexpected turns. He came across her years before on a day much like today. Loki had cast a glamour on himself and was wandering the city as he was wont to do during his "free time" (the term he affectionately used to describe the times when he was not actively plotting how best to bring ruin to Thor and his little friends). It was then that he heard the mewl of a tiny black cat coming from an alley, her fur all soaked and matted. She was just another stray cat; bedraggled and pathetic, unwanted and unloved.

As soon as his eyes met her yellow-green ones, he knew he couldn't leave her there.

_Sentiment._

Loki thinks back on his last meeting with Thor. It was quite interesting, as is their whole bargain. Another misguided attempt by Thor to bring Loki back to the fold (while conveniently forgetting that he never belonged there in the first place). But he's willing to humor Thor for now, especially while Loki still has much to gain from their agreement.

From their day spent in Taos, Loki has learned 2 things. The first is that Thor is still a fool. If he thinks a sunset and a picnic are all it takes to mend the rift between them, then he is sadly mistaken. Later, Loki had laughed to himself over how transparent Thor was, bringing him foods from Asgard in an attempt to entice Loki to return. It was ludicrous and so very _Thor_ to think something like that would work. Loki knows that if he did indeed return to Asgard, it wouldn't be all wine and pastries.

The second thing is that he needs to be more careful. There are some things about Thor that will never change, but now there are shades of gray to him that Loki has never seen before. Loki hates wildcards that disrupt his plans, variables that are out of his control. And even more, he hates himself for the way he allowed Thor to get under his skin. No matter how far he goes, how hard he tries to cast off everything he once was, there is a part of Loki that is ever tied to Thor. If Thor would just give up, if he would just _let go_ then Loki could at last be free. Their bargain is both a ticket to immortality for Loki and a means for him to sever ties with Thor once and for all.

Because the crux of the matter is that Loki doesn't believe in unconditional love. He never has. And that is why Thor is such a conundrum.

Thor is solid and steadfast, his love unwavering and seemingly without end. But it cannot be real. There must be some trick. There must be some fatal flaw in the structure, some point that if poked and prodded enough will cause the whole thing to collapse. Today will serve as another subtle blow to that foundation.

Finally ready to get dressed, Loki chooses a perfectly cut suit in charcoal gray and slides on an expensive pair of Italian leather shoes. He could dress by using his magic, but there's something about the ritual of pulling on clothing that he enjoys. _Say what you will about Midgard_ , Loki thinks, _but even I can admit that they know how to make fine clothing_. Loki gives himself a final once over in his full length mirror, and then calls forth his magic to travel to Thor's location.

And if he spent a little too much time choosing an outfit because he can't forget the way Thor's gaze fell on him last month, he'll never tell.

***

_Chicago, Illinois_

They meet in a small park just outside of Chicago. Loki follows the pull of the summoning and finds Thor sitting awkwardly on a park bench, looking completely ridiculous. Like their last visit, Thor is dressed in Midgardian jeans and a t-shirt, but has also added a red hoodie to protect against the chill in the air. But this is not the ridiculous part. No, that would be the hat.

Loki recognizes it as something the mortals call a "bucket hat" (which in his opinion is quite appropriate as they should all be thrown into a bucket, never to be seen again). This one is a garish red and blue and proclaims Thor's apparent love for the New York Yankees.

 _I doubt the people of Chicago would be particularly fond of that,_ Loki thinks.

Not only is the hat ugly, but it does not even fit properly over Thor's massive head. The whole thing is absurd, and Loki is well aware that this must be Thor's pathetic attempt at a disguise.

Thor sees Loki approach and smiles brightly, standing up and walking with long strides to meet Loki halfway. He looks even more foolish up close, but not even the clothes and the awful hat can mask Thor's radiance. Loki doesn't think anything ever could. No matter how much Loki hates Thor, there is this stupid, small part of him that makes itself known whenever they meet. A part of him that just... _wants._ That wonders what would have happened if they shared more than just fleeting kisses. Would it have been enough? Would _Loki_ have been enough?

But the whole point is moot now, it doesn't matter. This is why Loki has to remain vigilant. These are the kind of things that make it so hard to be in Thor's presence like this. He must remain cool and detached, stuff these thoughts down and keep them to himself. Thor doesn't need anyone to inflate his ego, especially when it's so much more fun to tear it down.

"You look ridiculous."

"I am aware of this," Thor scowls, fruitlessly adjusting the hat, "but I wish to take you somewhere within the city and we cannot be seen together."

"No, I suppose not," Loki says derisively, "wouldn't want your little mortals to know you've been consorting with the enemy."

"Loki-"

"Spare me."

Thor doesn't look pleased, but he keeps his mouth shut.

"Ah, you _can_ be trained after all then," Loki says, his own smile widening as Thor's scowl deepens. "You are aware that I have ways around being seen?"

Thor pauses. "Yes, but that would require you to perform magic on me. I'm not sure if this is something I should allow."

"Ah, don't trust me do you?" Loki taunts.

Thor looks Loki directly in the eye. "I would like to," he says, "more than anything."

Loki rolls his eyes. He finds that it's the easiest thing to do in the face of Thor's idiotic sincerity.

"I have no desire to break our bargain Thor," Loki says. "You know that the stakes are particularly high on my end."

 _Until I find an alternative that is_ , Loki thinks. It's not like he hasn't thought about how to get his hands on a golden apple. It's a problem that has been weighing on him more and more as the years go by. It's still too dangerous for him to sneak into Asgard and steal one, despite his talent for stealth. Plus, if they catch wind of a potential theft, they will only increase security for the orchards. His magic can sustain his longevity for now, but it can't last forever. So when Thor came to him with this foolish bargain, Loki knew it was the opportunity he'd been waiting for.

For the past 2 months, he has been running experiments with the apple seeds. The New York penthouse has no space for such an endeavor, but his Tuscan villa has a beautiful garden. Loki has planted the seeds and weaved his magic through the soil with the eventual goal of creating his own tree. Then he need never bother with Asgard again and finally be able to wash his hands of it all. So far he has had no luck, but he can try again this month. There are so many variables to manipulate and he wasn't truly expecting to be successful on his first few tries. His magic was able to speed up the growing process and the trees he's created so far have already borne fruit. But while the apples are delicious, they are not magical. All he needs is more time to experiment and once he's victorious he can put an end to this agreement and break Thor of his stupid notion of "saving" Loki's soul. After all, it's not as if he _enjoys_ spending time with Thor. It's a means to an end, nothing more.

Thor looks uncomfortable, but he presses on. "What do you propose then, brother? What would you do if I offered you my trust in this matter?"

Loki has Thor right where he wants him and it is only through years of practice that he doesn't allow himself a wickedly gleeful smile. It is a delicate line he must walk, but so far he is pleased with the results. He must keep Thor invested in their bargain and fill him with the false hope that Loki can be redeemed. And then when Loki has secured his immortality and Thor is at his most vulnerable, Loki will strike back at him. He will crush him and rid him of his foolish pipe dream of reconciliation between them once and for all.

"There is a spell, that may be of use," Loki says. "It is not a full glamour per se. It's more of a... forgetfulness. We will still see each other as we are, but to others we will be unnoticed, unremarkable."

"And when would its effects fade?"

"I can cast it to hold for 12 hours. This should suit our purposes, correct?"

"Yes," Thor says, but he still looks wary.

Loki lets out a put-upon sigh. "Unless you start swinging with that precious hammer of yours, we will be unseen. I am well aware that any trickery on my part would annul our agreement, and you are well aware that this is something I would rather avoid." This assurance seems to placate Thor.

 _Fool that he is,_ Loki thinks.

"Then I agree," Thor says. "Do not make me regret this, brother."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it," Loki says. After all, what is the point of dreams to one such as Loki? Why dream of it when with a little patience he can make it a reality?

Loki closes his eyes and gathers his magic to him. The spell is not complicated and is one he has woven a thousand times before. These days, he usually affixes himself with more sophisticated glamours, but it's better to use this spell with Thor. He can't risk scaring him away just yet.

"There," Loki says with a flourish as the spell takes effect. "Now take off that ridiculous hat."

Thor removes that hat and holds it awkwardly in his big hands, not quite sure what to do with it. Loki rolls his eyes and snatches it away. Before Thor can protest, the hat is quickly engulfed in flames until it's nothing more than ash in the wind.

"I liked that hat!"

"You did not."

"It was not the most fetching of garments, but it held sentimental value," Thor insists, his expression dangerously close to a pout. "It was a gift from Stark, when I was newly a member of the Avengers."

"I think 'gift' is an awfully strong word, Thor. Perhaps 'joke' would be more appropriate." Loki would not put it past Stark to play such a trick on Thor, who would have been naive of Midgardian customs and fashions at the time. Were Stark not a pathetic mortal, Loki might have found such a prank commendable.

While the hat itself is gone now, Thor has hat hair and the strands are all tangled and smushed.

"Must I do _everything_ ," Loki mutters and before he even realizes what he's doing, Loki feels his hands reaching out to straighten Thor's messy locks.

His hair is soft on Loki's fingers, fine and yet strong like the threads Frigga weaves with. Loki can't remember the last time he really touched Thor. _Hit_ him, yes. But this is different. Although there's an intimacy to the violence between them, it's devoid of the vulnerability in this simple touch. It's... unsettling.

"Thank you, brother," Thor says with a grin, while Loki only scoffs at him.

"Well," Loki says, "now that I can stand to look at you, will you tell me where we're going?"

***

They wander around the city as if they're just simple Midgardian tourists. Loki teleports them where they need to go, and the fact that Thor allows it is another sign of Loki's growing success at getting Thor to trust him.

Loki has been living on Midgard for nearly a decade, but there are still many places he hasn't really spent much time. This city is one of them.

"Why Chicago?" Loki asks as they eat a caramel and cheese popcorn mix from Nuts on Clark. It should be disgusting, but Loki has always had a sweet tooth and ends up eating even more of it than Thor.

"I visited here with Captain Rogers and the other Avengers some years ago and greatly enjoyed it." As a man out of time, Rogers had been curious to see how much things had changed since he'd been frozen. Since Thor was also new to this era in Earth's history, he and Steve had been natural partners for exploring this new world.

They get take-out deep dish pizza from three different restaurants claiming to be "the best". The wait at Giordano's is too long and so Loki uses a bit of magic to make sure their order is taken care of first. Thor doesn't approve, but he doesn't turn down the food either.

They go to see the animals at the Brookfield Zoo. Thor points and smiles like a child and Loki rolls his eyes. He is not familiar with all the creatures of Midgard and so it is somewhat interesting. As a shapeshifter, Loki has always had a measure of affinity for animals. He wonders if perhaps this is why he felt compelled to take Kisa in. He briefly considers what would happen if he let all of the animals free-

"I know what you're thinking, brother," Thor says, and Loki smirks. Perhaps another time then. Loki almost finds that he's having fun in spite of himself. But then again, Thor was always good at pulling Loki out of his own thoughts.

Thor clasps Loki on the shoulder in the way that he hates (only because he used to love it so much). "You are so serious, brother. It was not always so," he says.

And it's the height of sentimentality, but at the same time it's true.

As they wander, all the food stands and people milling about remind him of the festivals in Asgard. When Loki was small, before everything changed, the festivals had been a great source of pleasure for him. They stopped being fun as the princes grew older and the festivals seemed to be more about honoring Thor, with Loki relegated to the sidelines. So Loki learned how to make do with what he had, how to thrive in the shadows. There was still time for mischief, but the time for simple frivolities was gone.

Loki is the God of Trickery and Mischief yes, but he is also the God of Chaos. How odd that it would be Thor to remind him of this.

He enjoys giving Thor and the Avengers a hard time and finds it deeply amusing to watch them scramble. But everything he does now is controlled and meticulous. Calculated. He can create chaos but he cannot embody it, cannot truly experience it for himself. He is the storyteller, but he is not in the story. What would it be like to simply not know, to simply let things happen? Loki doesn't know if he wants to. He doesn't know if he even can.

At the end of the day, they sit on a bench in Millennium Park, watching the fading light reflecting on the mirrored surface of The Bean.

"What is it with you and sunsets?" Loki asks.

"I enjoy them."

"You would," Loki says, because for Thor everything is so simple, it always has been. Loki has never had that luxury.

"Did you enjoy yourself today, brother?"

Loki pauses. "It was tolerable."

Thor beams and Loki hates himself just a little bit more for being warmed by it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll get Thor's POV (plus traveling outside of the US, ooh) in April. Thank you all for reading, hope you're still enjoying the story.


	4. April

_Hanoi, Vietnam_

Thor steps inside of a motorbike rental shop in the Old Quarter of Hanoi. It's been years since Clint and Natasha brought him here and he was worried the shop had shut down, but business seems to be doing quite well. There are many people wandering around, from locals getting their bikes serviced to tourists looking to rent something while on vacation. He looks around the shop, quickly bypassing the smaller bikes more suited to city driving and on to the larger Hondas. He stares at the bikes, running his fingers over them as he deliberates. Thor knows he doesn't have much time to make a decision because Loki will soon be arriving, answering the hasty summoning Thor performed in a side alley before coming to the shop. In the end he chooses a red one and a green one, wondering if Loki will find it funny or foolishly sentimental (or perhaps both).

Thor calls over the slight, middle-aged man who runs the shop and secures the bike rental for the day. It's still somewhat odd for him to do these mundane, mortal things although he has become quite adept at it. He has changed much in the past years, but there is still something of the arrogant prince within him and perhaps there always will be. Thor doubts his attempt to disguise himself as a regular tourist is very convincing, but if the shopkeeper recognizes him he doesn't say anything, and that's good enough for Thor. With the help of one of the other staff members, Thor wheels the bikes outside to wait for Loki.

Hanoi is a beautiful city, a mixture of lush greenery, skyscrapers, and the bright colors of older buildings. It's springtime and so the skies are partly cloudy and the air feels warm and humid, making Thor's clothes stick to his skin. He wonders idly if it will rain later and cool things down. He could make it so if he chose, but an unnatural storm might draw the attention of people Thor would rather not explain his actions to. The city is full of life all around him; motorbikes zipping by, vendors selling their wares, and people ducking in and out of the many restaurants and shops. But despite the chaos, Thor only finds himself lost in his own thoughts.

The day they spent together in March was actually quite fun. Although Loki scowled nearly the entire time - and Thor chuckles to himself at the memory - Thor knows that Loki enjoyed himself, in spite of himself. He also knows that Loki hates it when Thor is able to read him, but well... Loki will just have to deal with it, won't he? Though Thor knows better than to be overconfident when it comes to his brother, he can't help but feel a bit gleeful about having the upper hand for once. Overall, Thor considers March to be a success (although he _is_ slightly concerned about Loki letting the animals out of the Brookfield Zoo and has been making a point to keep an eye on it).

He hopes that Loki will enjoy today as well. There is so much heaviness between them now. Thor wants to remind Loki, wants to remind _himself_ of the adventures they once had, and of the pleasure they once took in each other's company.

 _Loki would say that we were always at war with each other,_ he thinks, _but this is just another lie he spins._

They were not always this way, they were different before. Before Thor was consumed by arrogance and Loki by cruelty.

Though Loki is one of the bitterest of enemies Thor and the Avengers have ever faced, he has been oddly absent these last months and not made any attempts to attack them. Thor knows better than to think this is a good sign. Contrary to what Loki believes, Thor is not a fool. He knows Loki is up to something, but he also knows there is not much he can do about it at this point. All he can do is continue to hope that his visits with Loki are making a difference. Eventually, Loki will play his hand and they will both suffer the consequences. And he knows it's selfish, but this is what he must do to fight for Loki to return to him.

 _I just hope that the cost won't be too high,_ he thinks.

He's pulled out of his reverie by the sight of Loki, who has just appeared across the street. His hair is as sleek and slicked back as always, but today he is not wearing his customary suit. He's dressed in a form-fitting pair of black jeans, black shirt, dark charcoal jacket, and black, leather boots that come up to his calves. He looks positively _dangerous_.

Their eyes meet as Loki takes a step forward. The traffic is frenetic but Loki crosses the street like it's nothing, never breaking his composure or his stride. He is all elegance as he moves effortlessly through the midst of chaos, as if he belongs there. Thor's heart clenches at the sight of Loki, and he realizes how foolish he was to think he ever had the upper hand here. Loki's power over him is so subtle and constant that sometimes he almost forgets it's there.

The simple truth is this: there is not a day goes by that Thor doesn't miss his brother, because Loki is the person he planned to spend the rest of his long life with. Although it's expected of him to get married and have heirs, Thor always imagined Loki at his right hand. Guiding him, comforting him, and loving him as he had always done, and Thor would offer the same in return. The bond between them is unlike anything Thor has ever known, and it lies beyond any quaint categories and labels people may have. Loki is the one with a talent for words, but Thor thinks that even _he_ would struggle to find a word that encompasses all that they are to each other. Thor wonders if perhaps this is why he clings so strongly to "brother". It's far from perfect, but when he speaks the word he feels it transcending its simple, literal meaning. Now it's more like a cherished term of endearment, a code for all that Thor doesn't know how to say.

"Brother," Thor says as Loki finally stops in front of him. Loki scowls but he doesn't correct Thor and tell him (yet again) that they are _not_ brothers. He doesn't have to anymore because it's always written so plainly across his face.

By way of greeting Loki nods and makes a short hand gesture, and Thor knows he has cast the partial glamour upon him. Already, Thor can feel himself relax, knowing they are obscured from being recognized by the mortals. As for Asgard, he doesn't fear being discovered by anyone there. The magical pendant he wears keeps him from Heimdall's sight and Loki has known how to hide himself from the gatekeeper for years. Thor hates secrets and lies and so the situation wears on him, but he has to believe that it's necessary. He briefly wonders if this is the kind of rationale that led Loki down his dark path. In finding Loki, he must also be careful not to lose himself.

Just as Thor thought, the apples must be helping because Loki looks even healthier than he did the previous month. At the very least, he's encouraged his brother to take care of himself. Loki has always been of a slighter build, but even he had grown too thin in the years of their estrangement. Today, his sunken cheeks look rounder and more filled in and there's a bit more color in his pale complexion.

At that thought, Thor reflexively pats the bag slung over his shoulder, making sure the apple and the other important gift are inside. Although it appears to be an average sized bag, it has been enchanted to fit anything Thor chooses no matter the size, and without the bag itself becoming heavier. It was a gift from Loki, from many name days past. Loki had still been working towards becoming a full-fledged sorcerer and Thor remembers how proud he had been of his efforts. Since then, the bag has been a prized possession of Thor's and has accompanied him on many adventures. But despite this, it's been years since he used it. It is infinitely useful and well-made, but sometimes it's just another cruel reminder of what they once were.

Aside from the bag, Thor's outfit for the day leaves much to be desired, especially in comparison to Loki's. Thor has never been good at disguises - except for that time Loki got him to wear a dress that he tries desperately not to think of - but he thinks today's effort is much better than last month. He is dressed like a Midgardian tourist; khaki cargo shorts, sneakers, and a red t-shirt, all topped off with a khaki hat with a chin strap to secure it in place.

Loki, however, does not seem impressed. He looks Thor up and down and then sighs in exasperation. "Another hideous hat, Thor? This almost makes me long for your stupid winged helmet."

Thor laughs. "Do not speak ill of my helmet! Also, you are one to talk, brother. Or should I say 'cow'?"

Loki rolls his eyes. "You are only jealous because my helmet is far superior to yours. I do not expect one such as you to understand the complexities of fashion, Thor. Now give it here."

"No," Thor says, clutching the hat closer to his body, as if to shield it from Loki's wrath.

"No?" Loki says in a mocking tone. "I'm only trying to do you a favor. Besides, I do _so_ enjoy burning your things."

"I know that very well," Thor says, "but you shall not have this hat."

And with that, Thor opens his bag and shoves the hat inside. A flash of recognition flashes over Loki's face.

"You kept it?"

"Of course I did," Thor says incredulously. He can't help but feel a little hurt that Loki would think him so callous."I would never part with such a fine gift."

Loki doesn't say anything.

***

 

They stop by a street vendor, scarf down _bánh mì_ with barbecued pork, and then they're off on their bikes, down the beautiful expanse of Highway 1. Thor takes in the scenery; the stretch of road before them, ocean on one side and mountains on the other. The rice seedling beds along the roadside blow in the wind, bright green popping out vividly against the gray sky. Thor pushes his bike to go faster, loving the feel of the engine rumbling beneath him. It pales in comparison to flying with Mjolnir, but there is a freedom in it all the same.

Thor is enjoying it now just as much as he did when Clint and Natasha brought him years ago. Apparently they'd both become enamored with the city after completing some kind of mission there. From what he could gather, it didn't sound as thrilling as the "Budapest" they often referenced, but very exciting nonetheless.

The wind whips in their hair as they fly down the highway, passing through the lush countryside. They zip past the other motorists, leaving them in the dust (and their recklessness also earning a few angry glares as they pass). They gun their engines, each pushing his machine to the edge of its power and attempting to overtake the other. It reminds Thor of simpler times, the thrill of riding through the forests of Asgard when they were young. But much to Thor's dismay, Loki is already inching ahead more and more.

"Do try and keep up!" Loki yells over the roar of engines. Loki smirks at him and purposely turns his bike slightly as he rides through a puddle, splashing dirty water in Thor's face. Thor splutters and quickly wipes his face.

"Curse you, trickster! I will catch you yet!"

But Loki only laughs over his shoulder as the distance between them increases. Thor guns his engine and makes a little headway, but he's knows it's a lost cause. Because of his smaller size, Loki has always been faster than Thor on a horse and it seems that the same applies to motorbikes.

Though not many are aware of it, Loki has been a bit of a "speed demon", as the mortals are fond of saying. When they were younger, Loki even managed to sneak Sleipnir out of the stables and he and Thor took the horse for a joyride. Thor remembers holding onto his brother's waist, whooping and laughing as they rode.

They were - of course - caught. Not even Loki was able to pull something like that off without being noticed. At least not then anyway. The boys had been thoroughly chastised and forced to muck out the stables for 2 whole months. Thor complained to his father that it was all Loki's idea and so why was _he_ being punished, but Odin was not swayed. Even still, Thor still felt it was worth it and the memory was one he cherished. Unfortunately for Loki, the incident did nothing to quell the teasing about how the mortals believed Loki had actually given birth to the creature.

There were only a handful of occasions where Loki allowed Thor to transport him using Mjolnir, times when Loki became too injured to walk during one of their many adventures. Although Loki would never say so, Thor could tell that he loved it, loved the rush and the wind in his hair. At the time, Thor had teased Loki about being jealous over Mjolnir, but he didn't realize until later how much that must have hurt Loki and contributed to rift between them.

Loki's black hair flies wildly as the distance between them increases. Thor accelerates again, pushing his bike to pick up speed and chase Loki. He feels like he's always chasing Loki and wondering if he'll ever be able to catch up.

***

 

It rains on the way back and they stop at a roadside stand and drink fresh coconut water. Thor insists on going out and getting them coconuts himself. Loki calls Thor a brute and tells him he doesn't have to be so "butch" all the time, and Thor laughs at Loki's use of Midgardian slang.

The rain clears and they ride back into Hanoi and return the bikes. From there, it's a short walk to Hoàn Kiếm Lake, where the sun is already beginning to set over the water. Thor leads them to an empty, stone bench and they sit side by side. The pagoda in the center of the lake looks beautiful as the sun sets, golden light peeking through the trees to shine upon it. The sunlight reflects on the lake surface and Thor could swear that he sees a giant tortoise in the corner of his eye, rising out of the water. There are many other people milling about, from tourists, to local families with laughing children, to lovers holding hands.

"So," Thor teases, "did you find today as tolerable as you found our day in Chicago?"

"Mm, I suppose," Loki says flippantly. He looks at his fingernails, a bored expression on his face.

Thor laughs. "Come now brother, don't be shy! There must have been _something_ you enjoyed."

Loki rubs his chin, considering. "Well," he says, his expression transforming into a mischievous grin, "I suppose I _did_ enjoy besting you in our race. And using my motorbike to splash water in your face."

Thor grumbles. "The more I think on it, the more I think the arc of that water was most unnatural. Perhaps you were using your magic, Loki."

Loki smirks, but doesn't confirm or deny Thor's theory. "Thinking were you? Well, be careful not to strain yourself. Otherwise your feeble mind won't be able to come up with more activities for our little dates."

Loki's voice is dripping with sarcasm and condescension, but there's something about that last phrase that Thor can't help but latch on to.

"Our little 'dates'," he says thoughtfully. "Hm. Well, I suppose that is the term the mortals might use to-"

"Oh _no_ you don't."

" _Loki_ , I am only saying that-"

" _Thor_ , _"_ Loki says, fixing Thor with the full weight of his glare, "these are not _dates,"_ and he spits out the last word like it's a curse. "I am not some _maiden_ that you can court!"

"I never said that you were," Thor says, a bit petulantly.

Loki scowls. "Well... don't get any stupid ideas about this arrangement, Thor. I know how hard that is for you," he says with mock sympathy, "but surely even _you_ can abstain from idiocy for awhile."

"Ah, but it was not I who called it a date."

"I misspoke," Loki says harshly.

"Ha! Loki Silvertongue misspoke? I find that difficult to believe."

Loki seems truly angry now and Thor is afraid he has gone too far this time. "Do not toy with me, Thor," he warns. "If you must be so insistent on being a simpleton, then I feel I must be insistent in asking for my half of the apple. _Now_."

"Very well," Thor sighs and he reaches into his bag for the apple. He steals glances at Loki as he cuts it, trying to gauge his mood. Loki only crosses his arms and refuses to look at Thor.

 _Well,_ _**this** _ _does not bode well,_ Thor thinks.

He still has Frigga's gift to give to Loki, but now he's not quite sure how to approach things. With Loki in this mood, who knows what kind of reception it will be given? Thor hands Loki his half of the apple but before he can come up with the right words to say, Loki is already standing and walking away. He needs to say something, _anything_ to stall him. Not only did Thor promise Frigga he would deliver her gift, he also can't bear to end his day with Loki on this note.

"I will still see you next month?" Thor blurts out.

Loki turns around. "Yes, Thor. Our bargain still stands."

"Good," Thor says, feeling relief wash over him. "I will call for you then."

Loki nods and turns away. Thor is about to call out to him to wait, but finds he doesn't have to.

"I am curious," Loki says, half turning to face Thor, "how did you even learn such a summoning spell in the first place?"

"Mother," Thor says. "I told her about my intentions, and she was more than willing to assist me. She misses you, Loki."

"Yes, well..."

"Speaking of Mother," Thor interrupts, seeing his opportunity, "she asked me to bring you something."

Thor reaches into his enchanted bag and carefully pulls out a beautiful quilt, all deep greens and warm golds. It is of the very finest quality, made by Frigga's own hand. When they were young, Frigga made a quilt for each of her boys, crafted with such care and skill that they took her years to complete. For Thor, his own quilt has always been one of his prized possessions. No matter how he and his mother might disagree (especially as they did during his more headstrong years), he never doubts her love for him. The quilt is living evidence, as warm and comforting as Frigga's own embrace.

Thor holds it the quilt out to Loki like an offering. "She wanted you to have it. It is but one of the many things you have left behind."

A range of emotions flicker across Loki's face before he finally settles on anger. "Some things are better left behind, Thor. I don't _need_ -"

"Just take it, brother. Please."

Loki pauses for a long moment and glares at the ground, as if willing it to swallow the both of them whole. Having made up his mind, he flashes into motion and snatches the quilt out of Thor's hands. It's barely there, but Thor can see the subtle softening of Loki's expression. Loki runs his fingers over the fine fabric and Thor hopes that he finds it comforting and familiar (although with Loki, one never can tell). He tucks the quilt under his arm and gazes up at Thor.

"Tell Mother…" he starts, but he seems at a loss for how to continue. But Thor understands him nonetheless. Loki is not the only one who knows how to read between the lines.

"I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes April's chapter. In May, we'll get back inside Loki's head where he has lots and lots of feelings about Thor. I'm making good headway on the next couple chapters so hopefully the gap between updates won't be as long.


	5. May

_Tuscany, Italy_

Loki walks down the stairs of his Tuscan villa, the old floorboards creaking lightly as he moves. He has spent the day working on his spellcraft upstairs in the library and also down in the garden, running ever more experiments on his apple trees. The house is very rustic, all wood and brick in rich, warm tones. He likes it here, likes the seclusion of having 5 acres of land to himself. He has no neighbors. There is nothing out here but his house and the neat orderly rows of a vineyard in the distance.

Now on the ground floor, he walks beneath the wide arches and high beamed ceilings of the living room and heads out into the backyard. He closes the sliding glass door behind him, Kisa an ink black streak quickly slipping through the door before it shuts completely. Her fur is soft against his ankles as she darts out into the garden and Loki cannot help but chuckle at her antics. He steps forward, enjoying the feel of the grass on his bare feet. Sunset is approaching and there's a breeze in the air as the temperature starts to cool down. The sunset reminds him of Thor, reminds him of what he's spent the day trying not to face.

Today is May 31st and Loki finally has to accept the fact that Thor isn't coming. If Thor were going to break their bargain, he wouldn't do it this way. He wouldn't simply not come, he would (likely very loudly) tell Loki to his face. And so Loki has to assume that something is wrong. Though there hasn't been any big news about the Avengers in the media recently, Loki has connections. It wouldn't be hard to do some digging and find out what's going on, but if he tries to search for Thor that means he is worried, and Loki is decidedly _not_ worried. Even still, there is a traitorous part of Loki's mind that can't escape from centuries of being conditioned to fret over Thor's safety. That screams at him that Thor could be gravely injured or perhaps even-

But no, Thor cannot be dead. Even after all this time, Loki feels that if Thor were truly dead, he would just... _know._ It's completely illogical, but he feels the truth of it deep down in his bones. If Thor is dead - if anyone has harmed a hair on his foolish head - Loki will tear them apart, will burn the very heart out of them. As one who has spent so much time trying to hurt or kill Thor, the irony is not lost on him. But Thor is not for the others. If he dies, it will be by Loki's hand and Loki's hand alone. No one else is worthy of the privilege.

Loki wanders around the garden, taking in the bright greenery, the rose bushes and olive trees, and the sweet smell of apples in the air. He has 7 apple trees now, but unfortunately none of them are truly magical. He steps forward and examines the newest tree, the one he has spent the better part of a month working on. With this one, he'd felt like he was getting close, but something was still not quite right. When he ate an apple from it he felt energized, as if drinking a strong cup of coffee. But that was not the kind of power that could make someone immortal so it was back to square one.

Loki plucks an apple from the tree and glares at it, sighing in frustration. This whole process is taking longer than he hoped and his constant failure is starting to get to him. Every month he fails means another day he has to spend with Thor and he's tired of it. He doesn't trust himself around Thor, not like this. Fighting Thor is as simple and straightforward as Thor himself. But being beholden to Thor for the apple, being forced to be civil and even _congenial_ with him? This is dangerous territory and Loki wants to spend as little time there as possible. He knows that this arrangement is risky for both of them, in ways they likely do not yet fully comprehend. Loki feels shackled by it all. Under the constraints of their bargain he fears that his feelings will keep getting in the way of his plans, and this is something he cannot abide.

The problem is that in April he once again actually found himself having fun. He'd never been to Vietnam before, nor had he ever ridden on a motorbike. He'd expected to find the whole thing tedious and frankly beneath him but he couldn't deny loving the rush of it, the feel of the machine's power beneath him. Their race reminded him of days long past, where they competed with each other for the fun of it, before the stakes became so high.

 _Plus_ , he thinks with a grin, _there was the sweet satisfaction of beating Thor in our race._

Loki has always been faster than Thor. Loki has always been better than Thor at a number of things, but never in the things that mattered in Asgard. He'd strived for so many years to live up to the Asgardian ideal that Thor so easily embodied, but it was all futile. He fought so hard to prove himself, but when he took the things he was taught to their logical extreme he was branded a traitor and a monster. So he took a different approach. He would show them all how dangerous he could be, how speed, cunning, and magic were their own strength and were not to be trifled with. If they would not respect him, he would teach them to fear him and that would have to be enough.

In this, he can find a way to finally be seen as Thor's equal and not just his shadow. He can find pleasure in his revenge, in hurting as he has been hurt. Now their roles are reversed and Thor is the one who struggles for something he can never have. Thor tries again and again to "save" Loki, but he cannot. Let Thor know the sting of failure, let him know what it feels like to come up short. It's not as if it's really about Loki anyway. It's all just another means to feed Thor's ego, another quest for the Mighty Thor Odinson and Loki is done with obliging him.

Loki crosses the yard and puts the apple on the patio table on his way back inside. Kisa is right at his heels as he heads into the kitchen. He pulls out a wine glass from the cupboard and a pours himself a glass of the fine, vintage Chianti he got from one of the vineyards nearby. As he takes a sip, he thinks back on his last visit with Thor again. Although their race was amusing, April was not all fun and games. Loki cannot deny that there is a tension between them. He's not blind. He recognizes the desire in Thor's gaze, still there after all these years. He feels his own desires hovering just beneath the surface and becoming harder and harder to ignore with every visit. But for Thor to _name_ it, for him to shove Loki's own words back at him? This is new. To say he's not fond of it would be a vast understatement. It seems to be a reoccurring theme with their visits, that Thor stumbles his way into getting under Loki's skin. All the more reason to successfully grow his tree and put an end to their deal once and for all.

"Our little 'dates'," Loki mutters harshly before letting out a humorless laugh. What happened between them - or rather, what _didn't_ happen between them - is long past. It makes him _seethe_ that Thor has the nerve to bring up these things when Loki is a captive audience. Although he supposes that if he were in Thor's position he might do the same. Loki would exploit it to his own advantage as a way to hurt Thor, but that is not Thor's way. Thor is foolish, but it's not like him to be intentionally cruel. He doesn't understand what Thor hopes to accomplish with this, what kind of game he means to play. He keeps replaying their conversation in his head over and over again to try and figure out Thor's motives, but none of it makes sense. Why bother with courting Loki now when he cast him aside so easily before?

There was a time when Loki would have done anything for Thor. Thor always dragged Loki along on adventures and though Loki would grumble about it he would always go because Thor asked. It was like Thor was giving him permission to want those things, giving him a chance to finally be included when no one else in Asgard wanted to include him in anything. And Loki relished it. He didn't always know how to show it, but he would have followed Thor to the ends of the earth as long as he could remain by his side.

They were still young, barely out of adolescence when they realized their feelings for each other ran beyond just brotherly affection. Loki knew that to love each other in this way would have been greater than any adventure they would ever undertake. And though Thor was willing to lead them into certain death time and time again, he wasn't willing to lead them there. Thor - his headstrong, reckless brother who led with his heart and was always driven by the conviction of his feelings - didn't want him. Loki was not enough. Loki wasn't worth the risk.

Years ago, Agent Coulson had told Loki that he lacked conviction. And maybe he did but Thor was no better, not when it mattered anyway. Perhaps in the end it was for the best. Loki knows that if their relationship continued and was discovered, it was he who would have been blamed for it, ever the scapegoat. He learned to do without. He learned how to pick himself up and move on, move away from that younger, weaker self that he now only feels pity for. But now Thor is back in his life, dredging up things long buried that should stay that way.

Loki growls and hurls his glass across the room where it smashes against a wall, splattering red wine and glass shards all over the place. It frightens Kisa, who runs away and hides under the living room couch. Loki sighs and looks down at the mess. How is it that Thor can get him all riled up even in his absence? Loki cleans it all up with his magic and restores the wine glass, making it whole again. He pours himself a new glass of wine and takes it in hand. He strides into the living room, crouching down by the couch and peering underneath.

"I know you're under there, silly cat," he says in a soft voice. "I'm sorry I scared you." And the funny thing is that he truly is. If Victor or Amora could see him now, they'd never be able to take him seriously again.

"Come here," he says to the cat, and he feels like a fool but he makes a little clicking noises with his tongue and reaches out with his empty hand. She finally comes out and he pets her reassuringly.

"Okay?" he says. She meows in reply and he pets her again.

Loki glances out the window and sees that the sun is now even lower in the sky. If he wants to watch the sunset he'll have to make haste, but there is one last thing he wants to take outside with him.

Loki heads into his bedroom and grabs the green and gold quilt from his bed. He tells himself he could use a blanket since it's slightly chilly outside, conveniently glossing over the fact that he's a Jotun and doesn't really feel the cold anyway. But then again, he's always been a talented liar and lying to himself is no exception. Loki holds the quilt up with his free hand and examines it. Though invisible to the untrained eye, any mage worth their salt could see the protective charms woven into the very fabric. He can also tell that the charms have been recently renewed. It's bittersweet to know that there's at least one person in Asgard who doesn't hate him. Not that it truly matters anyway, since he will never return.

He's still angry with Frigga sometimes for corroborating Odin's lies, but he cannot bring himself to hate her for it. Unlike Odin, Frigga never saw him as a bargaining chip to broker an eventual peace treaty. Loki hasn't seen her since he was brought back to Asgard after his first bout with the Avengers. It didn't take him long to find a way to escape from Asgard, but for a time he remained gagged and locked in a prison cell. A few days into his imprisonment, Frigga came to see him. She didn't say much and Loki couldn't speak at all. She held his hand through the bars and murmured reassuring words to him until it was time for her to go. Frigga offered him simple comfort and didn't demand anything in return because she isn't like Thor. She doesn't try to force him to do anything, doesn't make it about _her._

With the quilt in his hand, he feels like he's back there in that moment last month, back at the lake watching Thor pull the quilt out of his bag. And the fact that Thor still had the bag even after all this time...

In that moment, Loki felt as if he'd fallen headfirst into the well of emotions within him. He still feels that way now. He feels like he is sinking below the water, like he's drowning in his memories of Asgard.

"Is he the sentimental fool, or am I?" he absently asks Kisa. She only stares at him, and he's thankful that she's a cat and cannot reply. This is a question for which he doesn't want to hear the answer. He goes outside, as if simple change of scenery might help him escape from his thoughts.

And so Loki sits on his patio, the cat and quilt warm in his lap and a glass of wine in hand as he watches the sunset. He takes a few sips and then puts the wine glass down on the table and picks up the apple he set there earlier. He takes a bite and though the juice is sweet on his tongue, he finds that he doesn't have much of an appetite and only ends up eating about half of it.

Thor is fine, he can take care of himself. Loki has no cause for worry, and if he has any concerns at all they are only for missing the half apple that will prolong his life. But though Loki is the God of Lies, this is a fiction even he cannot make himself believe.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not even supposed to be a chapter at all. It was going to be like 3 lines saying Thor didn't come and Loki was totally not worried about him, no way, and then the rest of the chapter would be about June. But my Loki muse would not shut up and here we are, 2500 words later. Oh Loki, always making things so complicated. Thor will be back next month and we'll find out what kept him away.


	6. June

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thor takes some risks, Loki is a fashion critic, and alcohol fixes (ruins?) everything.

_Amsterdam, The Netherlands_

  


Thor sits on a park bench in Vondelpark, the largest park in Amsterdam. There is green all around him and a slight breeze in the air as the late-afternoon sun shines brightly in a cloudless sky. The height of tulip season is over, but there are still many of the red and white flowers around, making the air smell slightly sweet. Tourists and locals alike speed by on their bicycles and Thor can hear the faint sound of music from the free concert near the other side of the park.

He is dressed in his customary jeans and a t-shirt, a red one today. Thor sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, slightly pushing up his black sunglasses. He didn't opt for a hat this time and he wonders if Loki will see the sunglasses as an improvement.

That is, if he shows up at all.

Thor has already been waiting for 2 hours, but Loki is nowhere to be found. Perhaps Loki considers their deal to be finished since Thor was absent in May. Even still, it isn't like Loki to just not come. If he wanted to officially end their bargain, he would find some way to hurt Thor and shove it in his face. There is a primal part of Thor that fears that maybe _Loki_ is the one who is injured this month and his fingers itch for Mjolnir. But there's no point in speculating, Loki will show his hand when he chooses to. All he can do is wait.

As he crosses his arms his eyes glance over the bare skin there. The healing chambers in Asgard are truly amazing and though he has used them time and time again, he cannot help but feel awe at their power. Looking at his skin now, one would never be able to tell that he was just recently burned with magical fire and almost killed.

Thor had been so concerned with his life on Earth that he hadn't really spent as much time keeping up with the goings-on in Asgard. There had been whispers that the Fire Demons of Muspelheim sought to free their lord Surtur from where Odin imprisoned him in the center of the Earth centuries ago. Thor had already planned a brief trip to Asgard to tell Frigga of Loki's reaction to her gift, but Odin had called Thor home before he'd gotten the chance. The situation with Muspelheim was growing more and more dire, to the point where the Fire Demons were now hidden from even Heimdall's sight. But it was still mostly speculation; it would not be wise to just start a war now with no real evidence. Relationships between the two realms were strained to say the least and it was a difficult situation. Odin asked that Thor take Sif and The Warriors Three with him to investigate the surrounding area and see what they could learn. It was the kind of task that Loki would be more suited for, but Loki was gone. They would have to rely on Thor's talents and hope it would be enough.

It was supposed to be simple reconnaissance, but things had quickly gone from bad to worse. Surtur was already freed and lying in wait, plotting his next move. All that remained was for him to retrieve his sword Twilight, a weapon with such immense power that it rivaled Mjolnir. Not even Thor knew where it was hidden. Odin had kept it a secret from everyone, but it was only a matter of time until Surtur discovered it once more. Thor knew that they had to stop him or the consequences would be dire, but they were terribly outnumbered.

Surtur sent waves of Fire Demons at them, but they fought bravely, managing to hold them back. Though Sif and The Warriors Three were in the thick of the battle, the demons seemed to focus their attention on Thor. After all, what better way to get back at Odin than by killing one of his sons? Even still, Thor was not cowed and as the battle progressed he felt a sense of triumph welling up inside him. He could do this all day and all night if he needed to. Surtur would not win this day. They needed only to keep holding them off for awhile longer and then one of them could steal away to call Heimdall for reinforcements. But unfortunately, physical blows were not the only ones that Surtur knew how to deal out.

"Is your little sorcerer brother not with you," Surtur had mocked. "I hear much has changed in the house of Odin since I fell." Thor had felt his rage building then, but Surtur's next words pushed him over the edge. 

"Perhaps I'd ask him to join with me now. His hatred of Asgard must be equal to my own." Thor saw white and felt a killing rage overtake him. And it made him reckless. Sloppy.

Thor raised Mjolnir and flew at Surtur in a blind fury, but that was exactly the opening the demon was looking for. No sooner had he launched himself at Surtur when the demon laughed and threw at him a terrible wave of unnatural fire. They must have known Thor would come, must have prepared this for him specifically. He screamed as the fire overtook him and then there was nothingness.

When he woke in the healing chambers two weeks later, he learned that Fandral had managed to contact Heimdall and the warriors of Asgard had come to their aid, locking the demon back down into his prison. Even with the power of the healing chambers, Surtur's spell was a nasty one, one that meant to kill. It took Thor some time to recover. He missed Loki terribly and wanted nothing more than to go to him, but his body would not obey. Not that Frigga would have let him leave his bed in that state anyway.

She tended to him each day and they spoke of many subjects and shared things that they'd never spoken of to each other before. She seemed pleased and hopeful when Thor told her of Loki's reaction to her gift. But the most difficult part - the one he still can't quite wrap his head around - is that she _knows._ She knows about the extent of his feelings for Loki and had told him as such. He had felt both mortified and relieved at the revelation.

"How did you know?" Thor couldn't help but ask her.

"A mother knows," she'd told him and smoothed the scorched hair back from his head. Later, she confessed to questioning Odin's decision to keep Loki's heritage a secret and to raise them as brothers. If only they'd _known_ , there would have been no shame in their feelings for each other. Perhaps things could have been different. But that opportunity has long past and they must make do with things as they are.

In addition to Frigga, his friends and Odin also paid him visits, but Thor found he still had a lot of time on his hands and nothing to occupy his thoughts with but Loki. The truth is he still has no idea what he is doing with Loki. Thor is so used to going with his gut and trusting his instincts, but with Loki he feels completely off balance. He's been grasping at straws, throwing darts and seeing what sticks and so far has been relatively successful, but he hates the uncertainty of it all. Has he truly been making things better or making them worse? Lying there in his sick bed, he knew he needed advice and could think of no better person to ask than his mother.

"I am at a loss. What do I do, Mother?" he'd asked. 

She'd paused for a long moment, considering her words carefully. And biological mother or no, Thor could see a bit of Loki in her expression and it made him ache. He was always more like her. 

"The gods are static and unchanging," she'd told him gently. "You must be otherwise if you wish to return Loki to us."

And she was right. He's been trying for years but nothing has worked. The Midgardians have a saying that this is the definition of insanity, trying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. As powerful as Thor is, even he can be killed. And if he'd died in May, then what? Besides Frigga, Thor is the only one who refuses to give up on Loki. Failure is not an option and now he finds that he truly recognizes the stakes of their bargain. But despite everything, Thor feels that his sense of resolve has only been solidified. Frigga's encouragement has reassured him that he's on the right path, even if feels like he's just wandering in the dark. He just has to keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep trying new things and taking risks. He just hopes his absence hasn't ruined everything.

  


***

"Hm, no hat today?" Loki says when he shows up an hour later. His hands move in a few quick gestures, casting the glamour upon the both of them. Thor can't help but wonder if he's truly only just now arriving or if he's been here the whole time, watching from the shadows.

"No," Thor says, standing up to greet him. "I thought it best if I try for a change."

Loki is once again the picture of elegance. He wears a sharp pair of black trousers and a silvery-grey sport coat, the whole ensemble topped off with a sleek pair of black sunglasses that are far more impressive than Thor's. Loki purses his lips and Thor wants nothing more than to pull him close and kiss him. The past month has also forced him to really think about what he means when he says he wants Loki to come back to him. If he could have what he truly wants - if they could truly _be_ together - what would it look like? Thor doesn't know how they can ever make it work but he'll find a way because that is what he does.

Loki's expression is impassive and Thor wishes he could see his brother's eyes. The glasses only serve to make Loki more inscrutable than ever. He wants to ask Loki how his month was, if he was worried for Thor. To tell him that he's sorry for not coming, tell Loki how much he missed him, how scared he was that they'd never see each other again. But he manages to bite his tongue because it won't work, he _knows_ it won't. Nothing makes Loki run away faster than Thor trying to hold him close.

"It's an improvement," Loki says after a long moment, "but no." And with a fluid wave of his hand, Thor's sunglasses are gone.

"Hey!"

"Oh don't worry, Thor," Loki says, and Thor can hear the eye roll in his voice even it he can't see it. "They're not gone forever, I will return them to you. Whenever I feel like it that is."

"Why?" Thor demands. 

Loki pauses. "I would much rather see your eyes. They always give so much away." And there's something beneath his biting tone that sounds a bit softer, almost wistful.

"Well then, I would see your eyes as well."

Loki raises an eyebrow. "Whatever for? There's nothing there for you to find."

"Because they are beautiful," he says, unable to stop himself from blurting it out. He curses himself because here he is, trying to do things differently and already failing at it but minutes into their conversation. He knows that sincere compliments have helped nothing, but he is still himself and there are parts of him that he cannot change, even if he wanted to. Thor just hasn't the patience to worry over every little detail the way Loki does and he is still a man of action above all else. He tries to take it in stride and remember Frigga's wisdom. There will be starts and stops on this path but he must forge ahead. 

Loki scowls. "Save your flattery, Thor. I will remove them if it gets us moving on to whatever inane activity you have planned for today. The sooner we're finished here, the sooner I can get back to doing more important things." Loki takes the glasses off and they disappear in his hand. In April, Loki had looked so much healthier but today he just seems tired. His eyes are as keen as ever, but they are also bloodshot and have circles underneath them. 

"Are you happy now?"

"Yes."

"Simpleton."

Thor laughs. "So you say."

They stand there in awkward silence as the sun takes on a reddened hue in the late afternoon sky.

"It is nearly sundown," Loki says, with a false casualness, "so I assume you mean to keep me into the evening?"

Thor nods. This is the conversation he's been concerned about. He needs Loki to stay but is worried that he simply doesn't have the cunning to ensure that he does.

"Hm. Even though you called me late and did not even bother to come last month." 

And it has not escaped Thor's notice that Loki has been very careful not to ask why Thor was gone. 

"You were late as well," he counters.

"I suppose I was." 

Thor feels a bit of nervousness, but he has a goal to accomplish and he must act. He is still a Prince of Asgard, and so when he speaks it is with confidence.

"Our bargain was for a full day."

Loki's eyes narrow. "And so you released me at sunset these past months out of what, the goodness of your heart?"

"I... yes," he says, because it's easier than saying that he'd been so excited that Loki agreed to this bargain at all that he really hadn't given it much thought. That he still doesn't know how much and in what ways he can push Loki without making him run away entirely. That he is still unsure of who really has the power here and what he should be doing with his share of it.

Loki crosses his arms and glares at Thor for a long moment, his face the very picture of displeasure. And then the tension leaves him and his lips quirk upwards in amusement. "Very well. I haven't the energy to argue with you over the semantics of what a 'day' means. I am, after all, at your mercy."

Thor looks at Loki warily but he nods. Loki's acquiescence is all too easy and peppered with lies. Is it a trick to throw Thor off balance or is it all a part of some sinister plot? Thor has never known Loki to be too tired to argue about _anything_ , let alone the terms of an agreement. If he stays it's because he wants to, and Thor isn't quite sure what that means. He knows what _he_ wants it to mean, but Loki's motives are just as murky as ever.

"Thank you, brother," Thor says. "In the future, let us say twelve hours?"

"Eight."

"Ten."

"Done," Loki says, smiling.

And Thor feels like he's been had, but only time will tell. He wants Loki by his side always, but at this point in time Loki would sooner kill Thor than spend 24 consecutive hours with him. But is 10 enough? Or is it too much? What's the optimal amount of time they can spend in each others' presence without making things worse, and is it even possible to know? Thor thinks of Jane and the equations the Midgardians use to make sense of universe. It's a pity there is no such equation for this.

Thor grabs his bag from the park bench and motions them forward to walk through the park together (and if Loki notices that Thor is once again using the bag Loki gifted to him all those years ago, he says nothing). As they wander, Loki's demeanor becomes sharper and intensifies, but he does not speak. His lips are pursed in a small frown and Thor can tell he's just _itching_ to know what kept him away in May. But Thor will not volunteer that information, not until Loki asks. The more they walk the more pinched Loki's expression becomes and the whole thing is rather amusing. He can almost understand now why Loki so likes to make others squirm. 

They walk in silence until they reach the edge of the park and Loki mutters a few obscenities under his breath.

"Fine. If you insist on forcing my hand, I will ask. Where were you last month?"

"Ah, brother," Thor beams, "how kind of you to ask!"

Loki glares at him. "You're not clever, Thor. Forget that I said anything. It's none of my concern anyway."

Thor stops them both dead in their tracks, putting his hands firmly on Loki's shoulders and fixing him with a serious gaze. "Loki. I was gravely injured. You must know that nothing else would have kept me from you."

"Oh really?" Loki says, roughly shoving Thor's hands off his shoulders. "By whom?"

"Surtur."

"Surtur? But he is imprisoned!" Loki says, unable to keep the brief flash of alarm out of his voice. 

"And he is yet again, but not before he burned me quite badly."

As Thor tells the story, Loki's expression remains aloof but his eyes roam over Thor in a way that is wholly familiar. Thor remembers that look well, from the adventures that had together when Thor would invariably do something stupid and almost get himself killed. He's cataloging Thor for injuries. It heartens Thor to see it, to know that he is just as ingrained in Loki as Loki is in him. There is too much history between them for Loki simply cast it off, no matter how good he is at pretending not to care.

"Oh, I know that look," Loki says, giving Thor a suspicious glare. "I was not concerned for _you_ , Thor. I only worried that you had ceased our arrangement."

"Well, since I am returned safely, I feel we should celebrate!" Thor says. 

Loki rolls his eyes. "I hardly think it calls for a whole celebration. But leave it to you to always-"

"You know what we need, brother?" Thor says, eyes lighting up with excitement. 

"Oh no-"

"A drink! And I know just the place."

  


***

It's still too early in the day to take Loki to the bar he's thinking of, so they spend the afternoon wandering through the streets of Amsterdam. They walk past the narrow, brick buildings, then around the canals, crossing over bridges and taking in the sights and sounds of the city. Loki scowls at the hordes of bicyclists and makes rude comments about people passing by, with a particular ire for people with terrible hats.

"Some of these tourists are dressed even worse than you are, Thor." Loki says with a sweeping gesture at the people around them. "See, you're not _completely_ hopeless."

"Shut up," Thor mutters, but he can't help a little huff of laughter. His brother seems calmer now and it makes Thor feel hopeful. He lightly shoves at Loki, who turns to glare at him but has a small, barely there smile on his lips. 

"I thought we agreed to no fighting," Loki says with a smirk. 

"Ah, that was not fighting, it was only a bit of sport!" 

Loki rolls his eyes, but doesn't say anything.

With the sun near to setting they take a tram to the sprawling Albert Cuyp Market. Thor has seen all manner of things, but he still thinks that this would qualify for one of the most surreal experiences of his life. Never in a million years did Thor imagine he would ever be on Midgardian public transit with Loki, but here they are. And it's nice, to do something so ordinary and mundane, something removed from the life and death stakes that have colored their interactions for the past decade. Loki grumbles about being "all penned up with the mortals as if we're _beasts,_ " but his expression is pensive and curious as he watches the city roll by outside his window seat. Thor barely notices the city at all. All he can see is the way the waning light hits the sharp planes of Loki's face and softens them.

The market is massive and has everything one could want to buy and more. The streets are awash with people and the bright colors of food, flowers, and clothing. It reminds Thor of home, of how he and Loki would sneak off to Asgard's great market when they were young and get lost there for hours. They stop at a food stand to eat stroopwafels and Thor marvels at the sweet flavor. They seem to satisfy Loki's sweet tooth as well, and it takes everything in Thor's power to resist wiping a bit of syrup away from the corner of Loki's lip.

They pass by a clothing stall with a Moroccan woman selling dresses and Loki pauses to run his fingers over the fine fabric of a red and gold one.

"Hm," he says nonchalantly, "this dress would look quite fetching on you, Thor."

Thor grumbles. "Quiet trickster! Why must you always remind me of this?"

And sure, Loki's plan to get Mjolnir back from a giant by passing Thor off as a bride had worked, but Thor thought Loki had enjoyed the whole thing entirely too much.

"Oh Thor," Loki says shaking his head at Thor as if speaking to an idiot, "if you have to ask then you are truly beyond hope." 

  


***

It is evening at last, and they make their way to the bar. It's an establishment Tony referred to as a "speakeasy," a reference Thor still doesn't quite understand, but he appreciated the atmosphere of the place nonetheless. The bar is off the beaten path, and not many tourists know of its existence. It doesn't even have a sign on the door but Thor remembers where it is well enough.

Tony had brought Thor and Steve here before in an effort to see if he could get them drunk. He'd introduced them to a cocktail called "Death in the Afternoon" that featured absinthe, the so-called "green fairy". Steve remained unaffected, but she did end up working her magic on Thor. He hopes that she'll also smile on him tonight. He needs to find some way to get Loki to open up to him, if only a little bit. What is going on in his mind? How does he truly feel about Thor's absence in May? Loki would never tell him these things, not normally anyway. But then again, Loki was never really skilled at holding his liquor. 

Thor steps up to the black, nondescript door and rings the bell. The door opens and they are greeted warmly and ushered in by a bartender dressed in black. He offers to take Loki's jacket but Loki declines with a dismissive wave. The bartender only smiles and gestures for them to sit wherever they please.

The bar is a cozy and stylishly decorated, all warm woods and black leather. They walk past the bar itself, gleaming brightly with shining glasses and bottle upon bottle of alcohol in every shape, size, and color. It is not overly crowded yet, so there are still many high stools available at the bar as well as more private booths. Thor spies an open booth in a secluded corner and heads toward it with Loki following close behind. As they move, they are enveloped by the bar's ambience, surrounded by the dim lights, the low voices and laughter of the other patrons, and the soft sound of lounge music playing over the speakers.

They sit down across from each other and Thor motions a waiter their way. He doesn't bother to look at the menu because he knows exactly what he wants.

"Two of the 'Death in the Afternoon' beverage, please," Thor says.

"'Death in the Afternoon'?" Loki asks with a raised eyebrow once the waiter is gone. "Do you mean to poison me, Thor?"

"Of course not!" Thor says. "It is drink that Stark introduced me to some years back. It was invented by one of Midgard's great writers, a man called Hemingway. When I first had it, it reminded me of you and I thought you would enjoy it."

"A drink called 'Death in the Afternoon' reminded you of me?" Loki says with a huff of surprised laughter. "Why Thor, I'm oddly touched."

Thor grunts but does not bother to speak. Loki has always teased Thor whenever he attempts to speak from his heart. He will not bother with speaking flowery language over why this drink reminded him of Loki when it will only be met with derision. There's the obvious green color of course, the fact that it was created by a learned man, the humorous name, and the way it is both decadent and refined. But most of all the way it looks beautiful but is also dangerously potent.

The waiter returns with their drinks and places them both down on the table with a napkin. Each cocktail has been poured into an elegant glass, the mixture of champagne and absinthe turning the whole thing a beautiful, pale green.

"'Death in the Afternoon'," Loki chuckles, shaking his head. "Perhaps you _do_ have a somewhat decent sense of humor buried under all that tedious self-righteousness."

"Shut up and try your drink, brother," Thor grumbles.

Loki inclines his head mockingly but he takes a sip. It clear that Loki is familiar with champagne, but he seems intrigued by the green absinthe. 

"Hm," Loki says, clever tongue running over his lips to chase more of the flavor. 

"It's quite good, is it not?" Thor says, grinning brightly. He takes a sip of his own and lets the flavor set his taste buds alight. He enjoys the delicate interplay between the licorice taste of absinthe and light bubbles of champagne. 

Loki takes another sip and then another, also seeming very pleased at the taste.

"Ah, not so fast, brother," Thor says, "the writer recommended to only drink three to five of these beverages, and slowly at that."

Loki gives Thor a look that makes his skin crawl, like he can see through to Thor's every hidden thought and motive and has found him wanting.

"Ah," he says, sounding terribly bored, "so this is the part where you attempt to goad me into getting drunk?"

"I...I never said such a thing!" Thor stammers. He struggles to school his features because yes, that is _exactly_ what he planned.

"You didn't have to," Loki says. "You are so terribly _loud_ Thor, even when you're silent."

Thor shrugs, forcing himself to recover. "Drink as much or as little as you please, brother, and I will do the same."

Loki takes another sip and glares petulantly at Thor over the rim of his glass. It's almost like they're children again. This is what Thor was counting on and he's reassured to know that he hasn't completely lost control of the situation yet. He just keeps holding onto what Frigga said, about how he must approach this in a different way. There are 2 things that Thor knows for sure: The first is that Loki still cares for him, no matter how he so fervently denies it. The second is that while Loki knows how to goad Thor like no other, the reverse is also true. So if Thor cannot appeal to Loki's love, then appealing to his anger and knee-jerk competitiveness will have to do. 

They sip in uncomfortable silence for awhile, and then Thor drains the rest of his drink in one go. He orders another, and in short order, that one is finished too. All the while, Loki is glaring at him suspiciously.

"Didn't you say the recommendation was to have three to five of these, and slowly?" he asks.

"Yes, but those guidelines are for mere mortals!" Thor says with a laugh. "I am a god. It will not have such an effect on me, Loki. But you may continue to sip your beverage. After all, you have never been known to be good at holding your liquor."

"I _know_ what you're doing, Thor," Loki says sharply.

"As do I," Thor says. "I am enjoying this fine 'cocktail', as they call it here." He gives Loki his biggest, most annoying smile and drains the rest of his glass. Thor motions to the waiter for another while Loki glares at him and clenches his own glass so hard that Thor is afraid he might break it. Instead he quickly drains the rest of his glass and places it down on the counter. 

"I'll have another as well," he tells their server and then he turns to face Thor again, mouth smiling but eyes deadly serious. 

Thor shudders, but he presses on. "Ah, so the game is on then." 

"It appears that way."

The waiter returns with their new drinks and each man picks his up before turning to face the other.

"If we are to have a game," Thor says, "we must have terms."

"Yes," Loki says, and Thor can already see the wheels in his head turning. Thor feels like he's standing on thin ice and any moment it could break. He will have to think on his feet to have any chance of prevailing in whatever bet Loki is concocting. 

"We match each other, drink for drink. Every third drink, we must both recite the All-Father's portion of the coronation oath without mistakes. The first man to make an error during the recitation loses."

Thor frowns. "The coronation oath?"

"I find it very appropriate," Loki says. "We were both kings were we not? Well, _almost_ in your case."

Thor can't quite keep the hurt out of his expression and Loki smiles triumphantly, knowing that his well-aimed barb has landed. Loki has a far better memory for words than he does, but Thor has his own advantages in this wager, mainly his sheer physicality. Loki truly _has_ never had a head for drink and Thor can drink nearly anyone under the table. Still, this recitation concerns him and the choice of the coronation oath? Just the thought of it keeps bringing up the memory of his ruined ceremony in a very visceral way.

With every recitation, he will be pulled back into that painful memory and he knows this is what Loki intends. And the worst part is that it's _working_. Even if Loki loses, he _wins_ and Thor has to admire his brother's cunning even though it wounds him.

"And if you win, what would you ask for?"

Loki smiles cruelly. "An apple. A whole one to myself, without having to share it or spend a day with you."

"I accept," Thor says.

Loki's grin widens and he lets out a mocking laugh. "And what of _you_ , Thor? What would you ask for?"

Thor briefly considers asking that Loki return to Asgard, but he doubts Loki would agree to that. Besides, that isn't the kind of thing he wants to be decided by a bet. It's something he needs Loki to choose for himself. Instead Thor's mind turns back to when he first saw Loki earlier that day and of what he wanted more than anything in that moment.

"A kiss," Thor says. He raises his glass in salute to a completely dumbfounded Loki, and then downs the whole thing.

  


***

Although Thor is already a couple drinks ahead of Loki, they decide not to add their previous drinks as part of the tally for their wager. 

"After all, it matters not," Thor says with a grin, and Loki glares daggers at him.

"Your arrogance was always your downfall, _brother_ ," Loki says through clenched teeth. Before they begin in earnest, Loki weaves a short burst of magic to enhance the glamour upon them. Thor frowns, but he allows it. They will need several cocktails for their contest and no responsible barkeep would keep serving so many of such potent drinks to the same customers.

And finally, they're off. Loki finishes his third drink and then begins to recite, glaring at Thor the entire time. "Do you swear to guard the Nine Realms? Do you swear to preserve the peace?" and finally, "Do you swear to cast aside all selfish ambition and to pledge yourself only to the good of the realm?"

His diction is perfect, dignified and refined. _Kingly_. Thor has spent much time lamenting his own coronation, but he has never spared a thought for Loki's. With their father in the Odinsleep and the realm in turmoil, there was likely no such ceremony for Loki. In this case Loki mainly had himself to blame for it, but there is more to it than that, a deeper layer that Thor has always overlooked. Although both princes memorized the oath when they were but children, did Thor honestly ever think Loki would be chosen to be king? Did _anyone_ in Asgard? 

And yes, Thor was the eldest but it wasn't just that. Even if Loki had been the older son, it likely would not have changed attitudes toward him. No one said anything, but everyone had known. And Loki - ever perceptive - would have picked up on it quite easily. Until Thor was formally announced as heir, Odin had offered them nothing but platitudes that they were both "born to be kings". It must have stung Loki to later learn the hidden meaning in that statement. How must it have felt, to know everyone thought you unworthy? How must it have felt to memorize the oath, knowing that it was pointless, that you would never be king? It does not excuse Loki's crimes, but Thor knows they had all done Loki a disservice by not taking him seriously. If they hadn't, if Loki hadn't felt the need to prove himself so... but it's too late to speculate on that now. Thor has to focus. He has a drinking contest to win.

They continue back and forth through several rounds, neither one faltering. Loki's eyes grow glassier by the moment and his cheeks are flushed, but his recitation is always perfect. Meanwhile, Thor is feeling the drink go to his head and he's starting to get concerned. Another round goes by until it's Thor's turn again. Thor takes a deep breath and begins to speak. He almost stumbles on the final line, but manages to make it through.

Although Loki himself is pretty far gone, he smiles at Thor maliciously. He knows he's won. There is no way Thor will be able to recite the oath again, not after this round. Loki begins to speak, his smile growing wider with every word. Thor is frantic now, his mind racing. He cannot lose this bet, not now when he's so very close to the prize.

 _Do something,_ he thinks, _anything!_

And maybe it's the drink, or the way Loki looks so warm and flushed, but before Thor even knows what he's doing he reaches out and places a firm hand on Loki's upper thigh. It feels so right, like it belongs there. Loki tenses, breath hitching and face flushing even more. 

And he stutters on the last line.

"You... you _cheated!"_ Loki yelps, pushing Thor's hand away looking absolutely affronted.

"I won," Thor grins. He knows that when he's sober there will be plenty of time for shame and self-recrimination over his actions, but for now he doesn't care. Loki is angry and beautiful and _his,_ if only for this moment.

"I would have my prize now, brother."

Loki scowls and stands up to lean across the table.

"No," Thor says, "I would like a _proper_ kiss. Come and sit here," he continues, motioning to the seat next to him.

"Very well," Loki spits out, but he comes and sits next to Thor. They turn to face each other and Thor reaches out and strokes Loki's cheek. Loki leans into the touch but his eyes are turned away, refusing to look at Thor. Thor turns Loki's chin, forcing him to meet Thor's gaze. Loki's eyes are defiant but there's something else there too, something that lets Thor know that all of this is worth it.

"Just do it already," Loki says with a growl.

Thor does, and it's just as good as it was all those many years ago. Loki's mouth is sweet and yielding and _perfect,_ and Thor can taste the anise of the absinthe on his tongue. It's over all too quickly and Thor reluctantly pulls away, but he still keeps his hand tangled in Loki's soft hair.

" _Loki,_ " Thor gasps, pressing their foreheads together so that they are breathing the same air. Loki's eyes are wide and filled with a mixture of lust and terror.

Before Thor can even think, they are kissing again, lips and tongues moving desperately against each others'. Thor holds Loki's face in his hands as he plunders his mouth. He lets his hands roam downward and he pulls Loki into an embrace. To his own surprise and delight, Loki wraps his arms around Thor as well and presses closer until he's halfway sitting in Thor's lap. Thor can't help the deep moan that escapes him at the feel of Loki's body pressed flush against his own. 

This is what he desires more than anything in all the Nine Realms. He wants to pull Loki close to him and never let him go, to do now what he should have done then. To take back what he gave up before he even realized what he had. He wants more of Loki, longs to press his lips against his brother's neck and taste him there, to leave bite marks on his pale skin. Thor pulls away from the kiss to do that very thing but before he gets the chance, their eyes meet and the moment is gone.

Loki pulls away quickly, shakily getting to his feet. His fingers brush over his mouth as though he's been burned. His eyes are venomous and his body language is that of a cornered animal. Loki takes a deep breath and Thor can see the war within his brother, the desperate fight for some semblance of control.

"Give me my half," Loki demands.

"Loki-"

"Give. Me. My. Half."

Thor reaches down and pulls the apple from his bag. He cuts it in half as Loki stands before him, his body practically vibrating with barely contained emotion. Thor stands up and moves towards Loki, handing him the apple. Loki snatches it away, walks out the door, and doesn't look back.

Thor sinks back down into his seat and sighs heavily. He licks his lips and the taste is bittersweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Thor...he's trying so hard. I love that his attempt at a CUNNING, DEVIOUS PLAN basically boils down to getting drunk and talking about their feelings. 
> 
> July will bring us back to the U.S., plus plenty of Loki's feelings about the kiss.


	7. July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray, half-way point! Much love to everyone who is still reading this fic. You are all awesome and I so appreciate your comments and support.

_San Francisco, CA_

  


The morning fog has mostly cleared and Loki can see the San Francisco skyline against the blue-grey sky. In this city, one can never be certain it won't be grey outside no matter what the season, but it looks like today will be a beautiful day. Loki is leaning against a palm tree in Dolores Park, watching the day come to life. It's still morning, but already people are starting to fill the park, engrossed in their various activities. There are joggers and people walking their dogs, a woman watching a group of children on the playground, a group of people who look to be a part of a yoga class, and a few matches going on in the tennis courts. It's there that Loki first saw Thor, sitting on a grassy hill and watching the players. Loki has been watching him for nearly an hour now, concealed by his magic.

Thor smiles as one of the tennis players gives a particularly powerful serve. The broadness of his grin and the way the sunlight hits his golden hair _just so_ makes Loki feel anger and arousal in equal measure. Thor has a radiance that nothing can diminish, Loki knows this first hand. No matter how many times he's tried to destroy it, steal it, tarnish it (or long ago try to bask in it), it will not go away. If he cannot accomplish this feat, there's no way that a half-hearted disguise of Midgardian clothing and another pair of stupid sunglasses could never hope to conceal it. His golden brother who shines so bright that it hurts Loki to look at him. 

_No, not brother,_ he thinks. _Not anymore, not ever._

It's a wonder to Loki that the other people in the park don't notice Thor, and he envies them. Loki _always_ notices Thor. Even now, he cannot take his eyes off of him. Sometimes in his darkest moments he wonders if this is all for naught, if it's simply his fate to be forever drawn to Thor. 

It's pathetic. 

To have lost the bet is embarrassing to say the least. Loki knew he had no chance of besting Thor in a straight up drinking contest. But Loki was always good at managing his strengths and weaknesses. It wasn't _cheating_ per se, just more like... modifying the bet to better be in his own favor. After all, Thor has never possessed a talent for language and verbal precision and he is also a deeply emotional creature. Loki smiles at the memory of the look on Thor's face when Loki had chosen the coronation oath to recite. 

And it should have worked, it _would_ have worked if it weren't for Thor throwing a wrench in his plans once again. How is it that this keeps happening? It's as if Thor's plans have become so thorough in their stupidity that they have somehow transcended it and taken on a bizarre brand of intelligence. On the bright side however, Loki can add Thor's (sure to be monumental) feelings of guilt to his arsenal of manipulation tactics.

But that is a small comfort at best because he can't stop thinking about the kiss. Despite his best efforts, he's thought of little else since their last meeting. Loki clenches his fists at the thought of it, barely able to contain his anger at having to be here at all. After their last meeting he'd thrown himself into his work with a single-minded focus. If he could create just one successful tree, then he could end the deal with Thor and wash his hands of the whole thing. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he worked, he failed time and time again. Loki is used to being patient, to playing the long game, but even he has a breaking point and his continued failure is starting to wear on him. He'd anticipated that it would take 4 months at the very most, but now here they are, passing the 6 month mark. And as he learned in June, half a year at Thor's mercy is far too long.

Loki is not being facetious when he says he's one of the greatest sorcerers in all the Nine Realms. And he's only gotten better in these past years, finally free of the stuffy morality of Asgard. It frustrates him to no end that this task seems to be beyond him. He supposes he could just give up but he can't stop yet, not until he has his tree. He will not allow Thor to distract him from his goal. Thor already has enough power over him as it is, running away would only be evidence that his tactics have been hitting their marks. This is something Loki cannot abide.

Loki smooths back a stray hair that was blown out of place by the wind. He is thankful he possessed the magical power to clean himself up after yesterday's incident, otherwise his hair would have still been singed. After several frustrating hours in his garden, he'd moved upstairs to his workshop so he could better examine the seeds and manipulate their properties. It was intricate, delicate spellwork that required the utmost focus. Yet when Loki bit his lip in concentration all he could think of was that stupid kiss and he felt himself enveloped in the sense memories, the slide of Thor's lips against his own.

The spell had not gone well. He'd set part of the workshop on fire, the kind of stupid mistake he hadn't made since his first few years of training. Kisa was also less than pleased with the results and had fled from the room. Loki had spent the rest of the day sitting in the backyard and _seething_ because he knew it was only a matter of time before Thor called for him. 

This is not the way things were supposed to go. He should be living free and enjoying the literal fruits of his labor. He should be out terrorizing the Avengers and making Midgard tremble beneath his formidable power. Instead he's carved out some semblance of a life for himself on this backwater of a realm that he's grown to feel an odd fondness for. Loki is a rootless and restless creature, he belongs to nowhere and no one. But for better or worse Midgard is home now, as much as any place has ever been anyway.

It's been 10 years and how much closer is he to his supposed goals? Loki is not the ruler of Midgard. Thor and his little friends still live. And now look at him, worrying about Thor, watching Thor. _Kissing_ Thor like some lovesick maiden. In the end it all comes back to conviction and whether or not he has it. Either way, he will have to find some soon if he wishes to enact revenge on Thor for what he's done, and this is something he very much intends to do.

After all, _he_ is the master of manipulation, not Thor. 

Loki smiles and already he can feel a plan begin to formulate. It may take him a couple of months to carry it out, but it will be worth it. Plus with the apple project going as slowly as it is, time is something he seems to have plenty of. After all he's had to put up with over the past months, Loki figures he deserves some kind of reward. Thor will suffer and if Loki can get something he's always wanted out of it, all the better.

***

  


"Thor," Loki says as he finally reveals himself and approaches Thor. 

"Brother!" Thor says, slightly startled.

Loki regards Thor cooly and then quickly casts the glamour upon them both. Loki rolls up the sleeves of his dark blue button up shirt and crosses his arms. The outfit is completed with black pants, and a pair of black Italian leather shoes. It's the kind of look that's well put together while also appearing casual and effortless. The kind of look that says no, he did _not_ spend an hour picking it out.

Thor stands up and faces Loki. He takes off his sunglasses and slips them into his bag.

"Before you magic another pair away," he says by way of explanation, a weak smile on his face.

Loki grunts and allows the awkward silence to settle over them. Loki could speak first. He could easily start yelling at Thor and start an argument over what happened in Amsterdam, but that isn't how he wants to play this.

"Loki, I..." Thor starts. Loki's face remains placid. He will not help Thor in this. He needs to see what Thor will do first.

"I must apologize for what happened last month. The right to kiss you was not a part of our bargain. I have pushed too far and it was wrong of me." 

"As usual, you are impulsive and you overstep bounds that are not yours to cross."

"And I apologize, brother." Thor looks truly contrite, and it makes the wheels in Loki's head turn as another piece of the plan slots into place. 

"But though I must apologize for my actions, I cannot say I feel regret," Thor continues, looking Loki directly in the eyes. Loki wants to look away but he forces himself to remain impassive and hold Thor's gaze. 

Because it's so like him, so heartfelt and _sincere_ that it makes Loki both repulsed and yet drawn to the base sentimentality of it all. There is guilt and hope and love in his eyes. But what Thor doesn't understand, has _never_ understood, is that it's all a lie. Thor's claims that he truly loves Loki are a greater falsehood than any Loki has ever woven. It seems Thor also has a talent for lying, especially to himself.

"It was nothing," Loki says, because at least he has the decency to be conscious of his own lies.

Thor glares at him in disbelief. "Loki. How can you tell me that you felt nothing?" 

"You know my thoughts on foolish sentiment very well, Thor."

And if Thor realizes how Loki has carefully sidestepped his question, he doesn't say anything.

"It matters not, and I do not wish to speak of it again. It's all, what do the Midgardians say? Ah yes, it's all 'water under the bridge'."

"You expect me to believe that all is forgiven," Thor says flatly. "You, who collects grudges like a magpie does trinkets."

"I care not what you believe, Thor. It meant nothing and I will treat it as such."

Thor frowns and Loki laughs at him. "The minutes are wasting, Thor. Need I remind you that you only have ten hours of my time?" Though Loki feels like he hasn't accomplished much in the past months, he is quite proud of manipulating Thor into reducing the amount of time they have to spend together. It seems he hasn't completely lost his edge yet.

"Very well, but this is not over."

 _No, it never is with you, is it?_ Loki thinks.

"Let us depart then," Thor says. He moves to start walking down the hill but Loki grabs his shoulder (and tries very hard not to think about warmth of the firm, solid muscle beneath his palm). 

_Not now. Not yet._

"Before we do, I would ask you for one thing."

"Of course."

"Do not even _think_ of taking me to a bar today."

***

  


They leave the park and head to the Bi-Rite Creamery across the street. The shop is just opening so there is not a big line as they step inside and look at the flavors being offered. Thor knows Loki has a sweet tooth, so Loki assumes this must be another foolish attempt at apologizing.

The shop has flavors Loki has never seen in ice cream before and he must admit that's he's curious. They try every flavor available, from balsamic strawberry to chocolate coconut. Thor ends up settling on some ridiculous sundae loaded with brownies and whipped cream. Loki has a taste for something, but he can't quite figure out what it is until he tastes the salted caramel flavor from the soft-serve window. The flavor is deep and rich, and the combination of sweet and salty rolls over his tongue. They stand outside, leaning against the building as they eat. Thor tries to steal a taste of Loki's ice cream with his spoon, but Loki slaps him on the hand hard. However, Loki feels absolutely no remorse at stealing bites of Thor's sundae.

"Thief!" Thor says after Loki has stolen his third bite. "Where did you even acquire a spoon anyway? You did not take one while we were inside."

"You _do_ remember that I am a sorcerer, yes?"

Thor glares at him and clutches his sundae closer, eating it quickly to try and keep Loki from getting more.

"Fool. You'll give yourself a headache," Loki mutters, and then he steals another bite just because he can. 

Thor finishes his sundae and then - because he's _Thor_ \- goes back for a triple scoop ice cream cone. They leave the shop and walk down towards Mission Street. The ice cream cone looks tiny in Thor's massive hands and Loki is worried the ice cream will go flying off the cone, what with the way Thor gesticulates as he speaks. Thor is regaling him with tales about how he came to San Francisco before and met the X-Men ("They have a woman who can also command the power of storms! It is most fascinating!"), but Loki is lost in his own memories of this city.

Unlike some of the other places they've visited, Loki has been to San Francisco before. Though Loki feels Midgard to be beneath him, he has found and continues to find some of their customs fascinating. During his fourth year on Earth, he'd cast a glamour on himself and ventured to San Francisco during Pride weekend. In Asgard, same-sex relationships were accepted but they were not truly celebrated either, hardly anything to be proud of. Although he has had various liaisons with women through the years, Loki always knew from a young age where his primary interests lay. As second son, he would not have been shunned for taking a consort instead of a wife, but it would have been yet another way he was slightly... off. 

The Pride festival had been a fascinating experience for him. He was not a Prince of Asgard there, always under scrutiny and being compared to Thor. He could bed as many men as he chose and no one would say a word. It was quite freeing in a way. He was aware that there were other places on Midgard where this was far from the case, but not in San Francisco. 

At first, he'd intended to visit the city again, but when he thought more on his experiences there he began to see a pattern. Because when it came to his bed partners, Loki seemed to have a particular type: tall, handsome, strong, blond. And so he'd chosen to stay away until now. It seems he can have nothing for himself that Thor doesn't taint. 

As they continue walking, a young mortal passes them by, dressed in tight pants, a pink and black striped t-shirt, and black oversized glasses. Thor gazes at him curiously, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"I fear I will never understand Midgardian fashions," Thor says, shaking his head. "How can one prepare for battle in such tight pants?"

Loki shakes his head. "I haven't the patience to explain to you what 'hipsters' are. I fear it would take all day and we've already wasted enough time as it is."

Thor looks a little hurt as he eats the rest of his ice cream cone in one giant bite.

Once on Mission Street, they go sit down in a small taqueria. Although the restaurant is not much to look at, the food is savory and delicious. Loki enjoys his own meal and then watches in thinly veiled disgust as Thor scarfs down 3 super burritos. Thor has a habit of eating a lot when he gets nervous. Loki considers it to be a good sign that everything will go in his favor. 

***

  


From there they go to Baker Beach and then to Fisherman's Wharf, which Loki vehemently hates. He hates the smell of fish, the tourists, and the way Thor insists on playing stupid carnival games. Although he must admit that watching Thor lose again and again does have its appeal. And if Loki uses a little bit of magic to make the games more rigged than they already are it's only fair. Thor does deserve it after all.

They leave the Wharf and ride the cable car to Lombard Street because Thor - always on the lookout for a foolish adventure - wants to walk down the most crooked street in Midgard. As they ride, Thor laughs and holds onto the bar, halfway leaning out of the car to take the city in. The wind whips in his hair and he looks so vibrant and alive that it's hard to believe that he very nearly died a month ago.

Thor and Loki had heard the story of how Odin defeated Surtur many times as children. Loki's childish impulse to fear him still remains (although considering the demon's power, it is not completely unwarranted). Frost Giants were not the only ones they were raised to fear and Surtur was a worse tyrant than Laufey ever was.

Loki still curses himself for the brief flare of emotion that colored his reaction to Thor's story. It had just felt so visceral, as if coming out of pure instinct. He felt the same gripping fear he always did when Thor was injured by a hand other than his own. And then came the relief and reassurance that Thor was alright, he would be fine as he always was. 

It shouldn't be so complicated. If he hates Thor, then he should simply kill him and be done with it. Loki longs for something straightforward and simple, but these things have always been Thor's purview, not his own. Instead he's locked in a cycle that feels like he's doomed to repeat. It's a paradox that he's never been able to reconcile; the push and pull between the man who's tried to kill Thor many times over, and the child who always believed that his older brother was invincible.

It is a sickness that festers at the core of him, that makes him weak, witless, and driven by emotion. Though it is always there lurking beneath the surface, Loki hasn't felt it this strongly since he worked with the Avengers to defeat Thanos. He and Thor are gods, but despite their power there are threats greater than them in the universe. They are few and far between, but sometimes Loki is caught in these brief moments when everything else seems petty, even his own grievances. 

But then he remembers himself.

They go to the Marin Headlands and sit on a rocky hillside to watch the sunset over the Golden Gate Bridge. With the sight of the bridge stretching so far and the golden sunset, Loki can't help but be reminded of Asgard. And it's beautiful but Loki is sick to death of sunsets and sick to death of Thor. Thor looks over at Loki and smiles tentatively. Loki does not smile back and the tension that was partly alleviated by the day's activities begins to grow once more. Loki stares out at the view and purses his lips, and there it is, that stupid sense memory of Thor kissing him once again.

Before Amsterdam, they had only ever kissed twice.

The first time was when they were still children, sitting up one of Idunn's apple trees. It was chaste and innocent, little more than a quick peck on the lips exchanged in a moment of happiness. Loki hadn't thought much of it at the time, but it ignited a small spark within him, one that wouldn't reveal itself until years later. The second time was when they were young men, curious and eager to experiment. But for Loki, it was more than an experiment. It was an awakening of feelings that he hadn't yet understood, that he didn't know how to voice.

Loki always loved Thor above all others (and it's the remnants of that love that always seem to be his downfall). But sometimes his love for Thor was as selfish as Thor's false love for him. On some instinctive level, he wanted his brother all to himself, wanted to possess him completely. It wasn't until his lips brushed against Thor's that day that he truly understood what that meant. 

In the end, it didn't matter. Like so much of Loki's life, whatever passed between he and Thor all those years ago wasn't real. Loki will put a stop to whatever game Thor means to play because what Thor calls love is little more than lust, tinged with a deep-seated naivety. It is a foolish longing for a time that never was and a person who never existed.

Loki can feel the tension in Thor rising. Loki will be free to leave soon so if Thor's wishes to say anything else he had better do it now. Thor pulls the apple from his bag, cuts it in half, and then stares down despondently at the fruit in his hands.

Finally, Thor clears his throat and begins to speak. "Loki. Brother, I cannot leave things this way. Please, let us speak about what passed between us."

"We have already done so, there is no need to drag things out. I have said all I wished to say."

"And I have not." 

"Ah yes," Loki says mockingly, "I had forgotten how everything revolves around you and your desires. How silly of me."

Thor's face falls, sadness and guilt in his eyes. "I have been selfish. I must apologize again."

"I grow tired of your apologies, Thor. I told you before that it is unnecessary."

"Loki, you must understand," Thor implores him. "I fear you do not truly grasp the extent of my feelings for you. When we kissed it was as if-"

"Oh, do shut up," Loki says, cutting him off. He has no desire to hear poetry and empty words, especially not from Thor. He just needs to push things just a little bit further. And perhaps he will be revealing too much, but Thor has given him an opening that must take. He should be patient, but he can't resist the desire to wound Thor now.

"You want to speak about the 'extent of your feelings'," Loki spits out, "but what of before?" He hears Thor's sharp intake of breath. They rarely speak of it, not this directly, but from Thor's expression Loki can tell that his meaning was clear.

"Loki, I-"

"You made what you wanted - or shall I say what you _didn't_ want - quite clear. Or perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps this is just another one of my 'imagined slights'," Loki says coldly.

Thor flinches.

Loki takes a deep, forcing himself to tamp down the rage that is threatening to spiral out of control. It is a careful line he walks, between the feelings he must project to further his goals and what he actually feels. Sometimes he doesn't know what side he will end up on and who is actually being manipulated here.

"What do you want from me, Thor?"

"You know very well."

But the problem is that sometimes he thinks he doesn't, not anymore. 

"I do not appreciate being manipulated."

"Nor do I, Loki."

"If you seek to humiliate me then-"

"Loki-"

"you have my most sincere congratulations. I suppose I didn't suffer enough humiliation from you during our-"

"Loki. I only sought one thing: to kiss you."

Loki glares at him. "And so now you have."

"Yes."

"And what do you intend to do now?"

"I leave that up to you to decide."

Loki pauses. "Hm. Very well then, _brother._ "

Thor hands Loki his half of the apple, but before Loki leaves he fixes Thor with the full weight of his gaze, the kind of look that could almost unnerve Odin himself. Loki is quite satisfied to see that it has the intended effect on Thor. He needs Thor's guilt and confusion and it is clear that he has them. The power, the _control_ he so craves is his once more. As the mortals say, the ball is in Loki's court now and he finds himself in an ideal position. Thor is a fool to leave something like this in Loki's hands. 

_And I will do my best to ensure that he lives to regret it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would be a bad Northern Californian if I didn't send them to the Bay Area, so I hope you enjoyed the SF chapter :) Do yourself a favor and go to get ice cream at Bi-Rite if you're ever in the area. 
> 
> August will bring us back to Thor and reveal a little more about what Loki is up to.


	8. August

_Salvador da Bahia, Brazil_

 

"Why?"

That is the first thing Thor says to Loki when they meet on the beach in _Barra_ , one of the city's most prominent neighborhoods. They stand near to the edge of the peninsula, close to the lighthouse and its surrounding park. The lighthouse itself stands tall, a black and white beacon against the clear blue sky. Thor can't help but feel an affinity for the waves crashing against the rocks beneath the lighthouse, their violence rivaling his own rage. The waters of this beach are usually so calm that Thor can't help but wondering if he himself is the cause of this turbulence.

Loki smiles cruelly. "Why not?"

Thor clenches his fists, trying to control his anger. "I assume this is some misguided form of revenge."

"Your arrogance knows no bounds if you think this is about you. Do you really think me so petty?"

" _Yes._ "

Loki laughs. "I would say it's not something so simple as revenge. It is... a lesson. You cannot change me, Thor. I am what I am, and you would do well to to remember that."

"Then why is it only when I get close to you that you try so hard to remind me?" Thor shouts, feeling completely exasperated.

"Ooh," Loki says, clapping slowly, "you must have worked quite hard on that one."

"Loki..." Thor says through clenched teeth.

"What?" Loki asks, with mock innocence.

Thor takes a deep breath, attempting to compose himself. "I thought you said it was all water under the bridge."

Loki stares at him, his eyes full of pity. "And you believed me?" He shakes his head. "Me who, how did you say it... ah yes, 'collects grudges like a magpie does trinkets'? Ever the fool you are, dear _brother_."

Thor looks away for a moment and gazes out at the ocean before them. It's so beautiful here, a veritable paradise. It's a pity that they've been reduced to this, that the words exchanged between them are so ugly.

"If you have a quarrel with me, then let it be between us. There was no cause to attack a SHIELD facility. Thank the Norns that none perished, but innocents were harmed!"

Loki scoffs. "Oh I hardly think anyone who works for SHIELD could be classified as 'innocent'. They are fools, all of them, though they paint themselves as moral and virtuous. They play with forces they do not understand."

"As do you! Why ally yourself with Doctor Doom? What could you possibly want with his Flying Fortress?"

"I don't know, Thor," Loki says sarcastically, "what could one _possibly_ want with an airship with such power that it rivals the SHIELD Helicarrier?"

Thor scowls.

"I have no reason to tell you my plans, Thor. I suppose you will have to use your imagination, limited though it may be."

Thor grips Loki's shoulder hard and looks him right in the eye. "Whatever your game is, I will stop it, brother. We managed to stop your attack this time and we will do so again."

Loki's gleeful veneer fades a little as he shrugs Thor's hand off angrily. "Yes, luck was on your side. Probably because Doom was involved," he continues absently, as if talking to himself. "He's a brilliant man yes, but he is still only a mortal. He has his uses but is sometimes more of a hindrance than anything else."

Thor swallows hard because he does not trust himself to speak now. He crosses his arms and stares out at the water where a couple surfers ride the waves, oblivious to the fact that two gods are engaged in a heated argument mere feet away from them.

Thor had feared that Loki was up to something, but it wasn't until Loki and Doom attacked a secret SHIELD facility in a the Mojave Desert that everything went downhill. Doom has ever been a thorn in many sides. The Avengers have fought him before, but Doctor Doom usually concerns himself with the Fantastic 4, driven by his undying hatred for Reed Richards (and Thor cannot help but see the parallels there even though he would rather not).

On a bright Sunday morning, an army of Doombots descended on the base. Loki was there leading the charge, with a few dozen of his own duplicates also in the fray. It broke Thor's heart a little to face his brother as an enemy, to see that vicious, manic gleam in Loki's eyes that had no business being there.

Before long, it was clear that the assault was an attempt to retrieve Doctor Doom's Flying Fortress, a ship which held considerable power. Doom had last used it in an attack on New York more than a year ago, and was defeated by the combined efforts of SHIELD, The Avengers, and the Fantastic Four. In the end, SHIELD had taken the ship to a secret facility to study its technology. Its ability to disrupt every electrical device on Earth alone was enough to make them fight tooth and nail to keep it from falling back into Doom's hands. That Loki was also involved only made the situation that much more dire.

The Avengers fought on, but no matter how quickly they destroyed the robots and disintegrated Loki's duplicates, they seemed to keep coming without end. The tide finally turned when Tony was able to inspect a fallen Doombot and discovered a fatal flaw. There was a circuit that was vulnerable to a particular kind of electromagnetic pulse and with the help of SHIELD, the team wasted no time in exploiting that weakness.

The pulse went out and the robots had crumpled before them, leaving only Loki and a dozen of his doubles. Loki had remained fighting for a few minutes longer and then dispersed the doubles and quickly disappeared himself. Thor couldn't say he was terribly surprised by it. His brother had always possessed a very strong survival instinct, and was not known to truly risk his own neck for one of his erstwhile allies.

There was a moment when their eyes met from across the battlefield that left Thor wondering if he has accomplished anything at all in these past months. Sometimes he fears he will never understand Loki. Why must Loki be so stubborn and create complications where there are none? What will it take for him to understand how much he is loved?

Loki looks around, that smug expression returning to his face. "So now you bring me here to this paradise to what? _Calm_ me?"

Thor takes another deep breath to stave off his temper because Loki is not far from the mark. He had already planned for them to come here months ago, and after Loki's attack he had not possessed the energy to think of anything else.

Though Thor very much enjoyed coming here for Carnaval with Clint and Tony some years ago, he has returned to this place many times when it was quieter and there were no great festivities to be had. There is an ease to this place that Thor has grown quite fond of, that calms and settles him. He just wants it to do the same for Loki. He wants to show Loki something beautiful, this is all he's been trying to do for months. Perhaps it is fitting that they be here now on this beautiful day. As always, Thor is the sun to Loki's moon, the light to his darkness. They will spend the day here in the sunlight and Loki will not be able to hide away in the shadows. There is still rage within him, but Thor understands that he must find some way to harness it, to transmute it into something useful.

Loki has always had a singular talent for riling Thor up. Thor has let him do it for years and it's so easy to fall into that same pattern. But he is older now, and he'd like to think he's a little wiser as well. There is a part of him wants to just throw Loki over his shoulder, walk down the beach and toss him into the ocean to make him see sense. But that is the reaction that Loki wants and Thor has other methods at his disposal.

He is just as stubborn as Loki, if not more so. And though he has been criticized for being too rash and reckless, none have ever said he lacks in loyalty or courage. None have ever said he does not possess endurance. He is ever solid and steadfast, and when he sets his mind to a task, he cannot be moved.

***

 

They walk down the beach in silence, the morning sun beating down on them. Thor didn't bother with sunglasses this time but he did opt for red swimming trunks, a black tank top, and a pair of flip-flops. Loki is completely over-dressed in charcoal grey jeans, a blue and grey stripped shirt, and a dark blue blazer. He should look ridiculous, but instead he looks as gorgeous and unruffled as ever and it frustrates Thor to no end.

It is a Tuesday morning during the off-season so the beach is nowhere near as crowded as it was during Carnaval. As they trek across the sand, they pass by people sitting under brightly colored umbrellas and others still swimming or surfing out in the water. A group of young men laugh as they kick a football around, their voices carried on the wind. There are many vendors selling beer and _caipirinhas_ but Thor doesn't dare get any alcohol (no matter how badly he himself could use a stiff drink).

Once they find a spot of beach for themselves, Thor pulls his bag from over his shoulder and tosses it to the ground. Crouching down, he reaches inside and pulls out a bright red umbrella and two nylon folding chairs. Aside from its sentimental value - which Loki would no doubt scoff at - the bag he gifted Thor all those years ago is very useful indeed. He'd found the umbrella and chairs tucked away in a storage area in the Avengers Mansion. Though he feels slightly bad about borrowing them without asking, he doubts very much that Tony will miss them for a day.

"Ahh, very clever," Loki says.

Thor snorts. "This is the first time you have accused me of being such." He keeps his back turned to Loki as he opens the umbrella and stakes it into the ground hard.

Loki laughs. "Oh, I can already tell that today is going to be most amusing."

"Quiet trickster," Thor mutters. He opens the folding chairs and sets them down, one on either side of the umbrella pole.

"Now sit," he says in a forceful tone. Loki does so without complaint and Thor thanks the Norns for small favors. They sit in silence, the tension between them growing ever thicker as Loki smirks and Thor stews.

A man walks by carrying a small grill and selling meat and cheese on a stick. Thor quickly takes him up on his offer, anything to take his mind off of the anger that is slowly gnawing away at him. He buys several of each and watches as the man roasts them, the savory smell wafting in the ocean air. He hands some of the skewers to Loki who looks at them disdainfully but does take a bite and in the end winds up eating all of his. Thor eats his as well, biting down savagely. The silence persists as they eat, and though the food is delicious, Thor barely tastes it at all.

Thor squints in the sunlight and looks across the beach. Two young boys are laughing as they splash in the water together, while an older woman sits on a beach towel, keeping a watchful eye on them. The boys must be brothers and it makes Thor's heart ache to see them so happy. He wishes them well and he envies them at the same time. It's been years since he and Loki felt so easy in each others' presence.

He cannot just sit here. If they sit still, Thor only stews in his own anger. If he lets his anger consume him they will fight, and if they fight they accomplish nothing. He needs to move, needs to do _something_.

"Come now brother, let us swim," Thor says, and he tries to imbue his voice with enthusiasm but it is a sorry effort.

Loki sighs. "Must I?"

"Yes. Do not think I won't throw you in myself."

"Oh, I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Thor doesn't respond. Instead he takes off his shirt and sandals, leaving only the red swimming trunks and the pendant he wears to hide him from Heimdall's sight. He doesn't miss the way Loki's eyes roam over his body before he looks away. Loki magics himself a pair of black Speedos that leave very little to the imagination and then it is Thor's turn to look away. Despite everything that has happened, Amsterdam ignited a spark between them that cannot be denied. Thor feels like he's more aware of Loki now on a physical level and there is an underlying charge to their interactions. In some ways, his anger seems to only be making it worse. Their kiss was but a taste, it was nowhere near enough. The memory, the ghost of Loki's lips on his has haunted his dreams for the past two months. He feels like he's been branded, as if he's somehow become Loki's even more than he already was.

Loki writes a few runes into the sand and Thor recognizes them as a protective ward over their belongings. He has seen Loki do this countless times on their many quests together. Thor turns and walks down the beach, the sand digging between his toes as he moves. He reaches the shore and steps into the water, letting out a pleased sigh at its warmth. He keeps walking until he's shins, knees, then waist deep in the water. He can smell the salt in the air and hear the sound of Loki behind him, his own feet splashing in the waves. He doesn't bother to turn around because he can already envision the annoyed expression on Loki's face.

Thor dives down and lets the water submerge him. It feels wonderful as he swims, the tension in his muscles finally finding some release. Thor comes up for air and though his body has begun to calm, his mind continues to race, questioning everything. But the more Thor thinks on it, the more he thinks that perhaps his pessimism is unwarranted. Because this is what Loki does, he lashes out when he feels vulnerable. It is a sign that Thor has indeed made headway, that the past six months have mattered, even in some small way. He has lost some ground yes, but he can find his way back again.

Because he knows what he felt when they kissed. Loki speaks in riddles but Thor speaks the language of the body and some things cannot be hidden. Loki spoke to him with his lips, his tongue, his hands. He so often accuses Thor of not listening, but in this Thor heard him loud and clear. He will not forget.

As they swim, Thor feels his rage continue to cool down and some of the tension between them is diffused. That's not to say he still isn't angry though. He hates this endless war with Loki, but even more so he hates when others get caught in the crossfire. Since Loki left them, many have called for him to return to Asgard and stand trial for his crimes, but all attempts to punish him have been futile. There is no prison that can hold him - not for long anyway - and all it ends up doing is increasing Loki's madness and anger. He can find a way to reach Loki, he _knows_ he can. But sometimes the task just seems so overwhelming.

So he focuses on what he can do right now. He can find it within himself to laugh at the way Loki's hair makes him look like a drowned rat when he emerges from the water. He can find it within himself to laugh even harder at the way Loki pouts like a child, because he is still as vain as ever.

Loki is like the sea; unpredictable and ever-changing, moving in tumultuous waves that threaten to swallow them both whole. And even though Thor struggles because he isn't sure when to tread water and when to push forward, slowly but surely he's learning.

***

 

After the beach, they move on and head more towards the center of the city. Thor guides them to a small, family restaurant, tucked away on a side street. They enter and Thor feels his mouth water because he can already smell the food, the savory aromas rolling over him in waves _._ The restaurant itself is not much to look at. The furnishings and decorations are simple, cheap tables and red plastic chairs. The place is nearly packed but Thor spots an open table towards the back and motions for Loki to follow him. Loki looks around dubiously.

"Trust me, brother," Thor says, "the food here is excellent."

Loki gives a long suffering sigh. "I suppose I have no choice then."

They sit down and Loki smirks while Thor struggles to make himself comfortable in the plastic chair. A young woman comes by to take their order and Thor recognizes her as the granddaughter of the woman who owns the place. He has the urge to ask her how she's doing, but she doesn't recognize him, not with Loki's glamour upon him. And after recent events, it's better if she doesn't.

Thor doesn't bother to look at the menu. He orders them each _feijoada_ and _moqueca de camarão_ , each one a type of stew that this area is known for.

"So," Loki sneers, "which one of your pet mortals brought you to this place?"

Thor can tell that Loki doesn't actually care, and is only asking to make him mad. But if they're going to play this game, Thor is going to give as good as he gets.

Thor grins. "Oh, it is a most fascinating tale!"

He launches into boisterous recounting of his adventures with Tony and Clint during Carnaval, the parties, the food, the music. Plus the part where they almost caused an international incident, but Thor doesn't see the point in dwelling on how and why that happened. Maybe it was when Tony had thought it was a great idea to make the _Elevador Lacerda -_ a 600ft elevator that connected the Upper and Lower city - go faster. Or maybe when a drunken Thor thought that the giant statues in the middle of the lake at the _Dique do Tororó_ park were actually the gods they represented, and became angry when they wouldn't communicate with him. Needless to say, the Brazilians hadn't been pleased to see people tampering with their historical landmarks.

Loki's expression grows more and more pinched as the tale continues, which only encourages Thor to drag it out longer and fill it with even more embellishments. He finally finishes the story, and just in time for their food to arrive. The waitress lays their plates down along with some rice and chopped greens. Thor breathes in and the food smells as delicious as he remembers. Between the rich smell of the shrimp and coconut milk in the _moqueca_ , and the savory smell of the beef and black beans in the _feijoada_ , Thor isn't sure where to begin.

Loki looks down at his plates, that dubious expression returning.

"Just trust me," Thor says, picking up his own fork and gesturing for Loki to do the same.

"You keep saying that as if it means something to me," Loki sighs, but he picks up a fork anyway. They each take a bite of the _moqueca_ and before long, they are both practically inhaling the food. Thor finishes in record time and while he wants to settle back into his chair and let the contentment of a good meal wash over him, he dares not risk it, lest he fall over backwards. Plus he is not finished yet, and he flags down the waitress to ask for more. After a decade on Midgard he knows better than to smash his plate down on the floor when he wants more food, but sometimes it's hard to resist the temptation.

Loki looks around the room, taking in the scene. "I will never understand your regard for these mortals, Thor. They are but meaningless flecks of dust," he says, flicking his fingers for an added effect.

Thor doesn't respond. He knows what Loki is doing, but he will not rise to the bait, not this time.

"Oh come now, Thor," Loki needles him, "it's no _fun_ if you don't participate."

Thor chuckles. "I am aware."

Loki frowns, but Thor only smiles and takes another bite of food. It seems his commitment to good cheer is getting to Loki. Thor's second order of food comes and he places both plates in between them, in offering to share with Loki. Loki frowns again, but he picks up his fork and starts picking at the rice. As the meal goes on, Loki continues to try and get a rise out of Thor, but to no avail. His demeanor starts to change to something more thoughtful, almost subdued. And he keeps staring at Thor with an expression Thor doesn't quite know how to decipher.

"What?" Thor finally asks as they get ready to leave.

"Nothing."

***

 

The amble around the city for awhile until the sun is near to setting and they head to _Terça da Benção_ , a street party that is held every Tuesday in the _Pelourinho_ , the city's historic center. The streets are packed with all manner of revelry. There are people buying drinks and other food from the many vendors, and others still dancing to the sound of African drumming, so strong that it almost seems to seep into the very earth. Thor and Loki squeeze past a circle of people doing _capoeira_ and walk down one of the smaller streets, sandwiched between the blue and yellow of the old colonial buildings. They find a spot up against a wall to settle in and watch the festivities.

Loki's face looks beautiful in the waning light, and Thor once again thinks back on the many festivals they enjoyed in Asgard during their youth. Although there were skalds in abundance, everyone always looked forward to the fantastic tales that Loki would tell. His brother always had a way with words that could delight as easily as it could destroy. And sometimes - after a bit of drinking - Loki would dance, his eyes bright in the firelight, movements graceful and sure. Thor wonders if Loki is reminded of those times now. Perhaps that it why he has grown yet quieter and continues to stare at Thor periodically.

Thor finally breaks. "Loki, what is it? Why do you stare at me so?"

Loki pauses and continues to gaze at Thor. Seeming to have come to some conclusion, he speaks. "Why are you so stubborn?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"You..." Loki starts before he swallows, tense and angry, "I have shown you once again that you cannot change me. That you cling to a lie and there is nothing here for you to save."

"You have shown me nothing of the sort! " Thor shouts, glaring at him. "What you have shown me is that you chafe at emotions beyond your control. That you lash out when you feel threatened, just as you have always done."

"You know _nothing_ , Thor. You bind me to you in this foolhardy bargain and for what?"

"Foolish or no, it is a chance I am willing to take. Surely even you can admit that you need Idunn's apples and I cannot... I _will not_ let you die, Loki."

"And why not?" Loki snaps, his eyes flashing in displeasure. "All of Asgard wishes me dead, as does all of Midgard. Jotunheim did not suffer me to live in the first place. And yet _you_ ," he says, jabbing a finger in Thor's direction, "you still cling to this base sentimentality when logic clearly tells you otherwise."

Thor is distantly aware that there is music and laughter all around them, but it is as if they are encased in their own little bubble, as if time stands still. Nothing else matters because all he can see and hear, all he can focus on is Loki.

Thor calmly looks Loki directly in the eye. "How much destruction must you cause before you realize that you cannot make me hate you?"

Loki clenches his fists and turns his face away.

"I do not always understand you, brother," Thor says gently, "but I love you just the same."

Loki gives Thor a long look, and in that moment he looks so much like the brother Thor once knew that it breaks his heart.

Loki looks away. "I fear I do not always understand you either. Perhaps I never did."

Sensing that he has pushed enough for one day, Thor reaches into his bag and pulls out the apple, cuts it in half, and hands Loki his portion. Loki takes the apple and stares down at it for a moment. Then he looks up at Thor and smirks. Loki mutters something under his breath and with a flick of his wrist a pair of black sunglasses appears in his free hand. Thor stares at them in confusion and then he realizes that they are _his_ sunglasses, the ones Loki magicked away when they were in Amsterdam a couple months ago. Loki tosses them to Thor who catches them easily.

"Why?"

"Why not?" Loki says, and then he is gone.

***

 

After Loki leaves, Thor finds himself grinning broadly and enjoying the party. But as the minutes pass, he feels increasingly uneasy. He should feel elated. After all, this is the kind of breakthrough he's been hoping for. But nothing with Loki is ever this easy.

_Loki Silvertongue. Loki Liesmith. Loki Trickster. Loki, God of Mischief._

These names were not bestowed upon him without reason.

But there is also Loki, Prince of Asgard, loving son and brother. Loki, who has saved Thor's skin more times than he can count. And most of all, Loki, whom Thor loves with every cell of his body.

Thor is unsure of which ones graced his presence today. If he asked Loki the same and he were forced to answer honestly, perhaps even _he_ would not know.

In the end the truth will out, as it always does. In the meantime, Thor will call for Loki again in a month's time, and they will see what September brings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this one ended up taking me longer to write because I love Salvador so much and wanted them to go everywhere and eat everything, lol. 
> 
> Next month, we'll be back inside Loki's head and find out what he's been up to. I won't give too much away, but I will say that the September chapter is one of the ones I've been looking forward to most since I started this fic ;)


	9. September

_Tuscany, Italy_

  


Loki darts back and forth between the villa and the backyard, gathering everything he needs for the spell. He carefully places each item in a small pile in the middle of the yard. He must be careful not to forget even one component, lest his efforts fail. Loki goes back into the house one last time and retrieves his last load: a spell book, a sheath filled with his own scrawled notes, and a small bag that contains an apple stem and seed from Idunn's orchard. Any portion of the apples is precious, but he's willing to sacrifice a couple of them in order to work this spell. They possess an extremely potent magic that can be harnessed for many purposes. 

The afternoon sun is warm on his face as he crouches down in the grass, laying out an enchanted shroud purchased from an Alfar sorcerer long ago and then arranging smooth stones in a wide circle on top of it. His clothing is not particularly well-suited to this task. The black pants are still impeccably cut, but a little tighter than he would normally wear and the dark blue silk shirt is unbuttoned just a little lower than usual. The clothing perfectly accentuates the taut, lean muscle of his body and he knows it. It is all carefully styled to catch Thor's eye, but remain just subtle enough to not look like he's trying too hard. 

His movements feel a little restricted but it's important that he look good today and there won't be time to change after he's cast the spell.

 _And besides_ , he thinks as he smirks to himself, _if all goes well I won't be wearing them for long anyway._

He inspects the house and double checks his wards, knowing that it is crucial that they hold. Kisa follows him around curiously, eager to see what he is up to, but he shoos her away because this magic is dangerous. It has taken a lot of work, but he is almost ready. Because the tables have turned and this month.

This time, Loki will not go to Thor. He intends to bring Thor to him.

Loki smiles to himself as he rearranges the stones a bit more. He has been preparing for this all month, keeping a watchful eye on Thor's comings and goings to try and gauge when he would go to Asgard for the apple, and when he would return to Midgard for their meeting. Using the sunglasses to spy on Thor was a particularly nice touch, if Loki does say so himself. Thor had looked so pleased when Loki returned the glasses to him. But aside from Mjolnir, the fool is so lacking in magical talent that he did not sense the enchantment upon them. Furthermore, because Thor is so terribly predictable he did not shove the glasses away in a drawer but instead put them on his dresser in the Avengers Mansion like a trophy on display. Thor has always so loved trophies; they are like physical representations of his vanity, arrogance, and constant quest for glory.

With the sunglasses in place, Loki was able to use one of his scrying bowls to see whatever they saw. Overall, Thor was really quite boring. He ate, he slept, he occasionally fumbled with the Midgardian technology to watch films on the TV that Stark must have installed in his chambers. And he still did those idiotic hero's poses with Mjolnir when he thought no one was looking. But despite all of these mundane things, Loki still found it hard to tear his eyes away. 

Because Thor also bathed and when he returned to the bedroom to get dressed, he would stand directly in front of where the sunglasses were perched. The first time it happened, Loki's breath involuntarily hitched at the way little rivulets of water would drip down Thor's toned chest. The second time it happened was the last. The temptation was great, but Loki knows that his lust for Thor is a complicated thing. It must be controlled and if he allows himself to feel it at all, it must be on his own terms. It is one thing to desire Thor. It is another thing to look at him and pine like a pathetic, lovesick maiden. 

It took Loki years to realize that what he felt when looking at Thor's perfect physique was far more than simple jealousy. He could scarcely pull his eyes away from Thor's body when they went swimming in August and he'd noticed Thor looking at him too. After all, how could he not when what Loki was wearing could only charitably be described as a bathing suit? Thor is not the only one who knows how to play this game. That Thor had the presumption to kiss him after all these years is not a slight Loki can allow to stand. He will show Thor what it felt like to have his emotions manipulated, but he will pay it back to Thor tenfold. 

So he watched Thor, but only when necessary. The scrying also drained him of his magic, and was best only used sparingly. Thor had been gone from his bedroom for a few days and Loki could only assume he had returned to Asgard for the apple. That morning, Loki had spied upon Thor returning to his room and seen that he had the old bag with him. And just mere hours later, Loki felt the pull of Thor's summoning, alerting Loki to his location. Right now, Thor is waiting for Loki somewhere near Reykjavík. Loki idly wonders what Thor had planned for them to do there, but in the end it's irrelevant. Nothing Thor could dream up to do in Iceland will be as interesting as what Loki has planned for today.

Loki picks up a small bowl from his pile of items and places the apple seed and stem inside. He adds in various herbs, and a lock of hair he'd cut from Thor in battle long ago, knowing that it might someday come in handy. As Loki works, he feels pleased at how well things are falling into place. The apple project is making great progress, to the point where Loki feels he only needs one month, maybe two to be successful. And his August visit with Thor had perfectly laid the groundwork for today. Although Thor's refusal to be properly goaded concerned Loki at first, he now realizes that it was a good thing. It only means that Thor will have even further to fall.

When they had met in August, he told Thor that the Avengers were lucky Doom's plans had failed. But it wasn't luck, it was Loki. 

In some ways, the Doombots were similar to Loki's own magical duplicates, but far less sophisticated. At the end of the day they were just robots, and it hadn't been hard to create a flaw within them that the Iron Man could exploit. Victor had been very displeased with Loki's failure, but Loki just brushed it off. Truth be told, he couldn't care less about the Flying Fortress. The whole thing was all just a means to an end. Loki also wasn't particularly concerned about whether any of the mortals who worked for SHIELD lived or died but he had shown them mercy, only because Thor would find it more difficult to forgive if there were casualties. The goal was not to push Thor away completely, not yet. The goal was to push Thor away just enough to make him desperate for any show of vulnerability on Loki's part.

Like most things, it's all about appearances. His task now is to project a blend between the anger that Thor has come to expect from him and the vulnerability that Thor thinks he has created in Loki over the past months. Loki smiles at the thought of how much it must have burned Thor to see Loki across the battlefield after thinking he'd made so much progress. And now after Loki's attack, he will be even more desperate to connect than ever.

Bringing Thor to his villa is just the next step in his manipulations. Loki supposes he could have taken Thor to a hotel or some other place, but that would be far too impersonal. He has to play on Thor's sentimental nature, to make him feel like this _means_ something. And so he will invite Thor into his home like a spider inviting prey into its lair. If he thinks that Loki is offering him a gift, how can he refuse? It's a calculated risk, but Loki feels confident that it will pay off. And with his wards and spells in place, he will be safe from any future attempts by Thor to return here.

Loki opens the spell book to the page he needs and lays it on the ground near the stones where he will easily be able to read it. He consults his notes one final time and then stands up and smooths back a stray lock of hair. Loki places the bowl inside the ring of stones and then with a brief wave of his hand he sets the bowl on fire. He raises his arms and begins the incantation, smiling as the raw power surges through him.

  


***

"What is the meaning of this?" Thor yells from where he stands inside the circle of stones. He is breathing hard, body tense and alert as he looks around warily. Though Thor is dressed simply in jeans and a light black rain jacket, he is no less radiant than usual and it makes Loki want him all the more. Normally this would anger him, but today it only spurs him on because Loki has found a way to use his own sickening weakness to his advantage this time.

"I think it is quite clear that I have summoned you," Loki says casually.

"For what purpose?"

Loki shrugs. "I got bored with always being the one who must go to you. Why should I be the one to always do all the work?"

Thor crosses his arms and glares at Loki. "And so you pull me here without warning?"

"Oh, I wouldn't say it was completely without warning, Thor. You _were_ expecting to see me today, yes?"

"Yes, Loki," Thor says flatly, "but not like this."

"Well, we can't always get what we want now can we, _brother_?"

Thor lets out an irritated sigh and shakes head. He looks down at the circle of stones that surround him and carefully taps a stone with his foot.

Loki laughs. "You can cross the barrier, Thor. No harm will come to you."

"After the way you have brought me here today, I find this hard to believe."

"Believe whatever you wish. You can either cross the barrier and come join me, or you can stand there for ten hours until our time together is through. It's your choice."

Thor frowns and looks down at the stones again. Then he carefully places a foot on the other side. When nothing happens, he steps over with his other foot and then looks down at himself, finding nothing amiss.

"Ah, excellent choice Thor," Loki says. Thor approaches him, looking none too pleased.

"Why did you bring me here, Loki? And when did you even acquire such power? You were never capable of such a feat before."

"You have no inkling of what I'm capable of," Loki says, completely ignoring the first part of Thor's question. "You who mocked my magic for years."

Thor sighs. "And for that I... I am sorry, brother. But still, that does not answer-"

"And besides, you have chosen all of our activities so far, which is hardly fair, don't you think?"

"I suppose," Thor says, though he still looks less than pleased.

Loki begins walking through the yard toward the main house and Thor has no choice but to follow.

"What is this place?" Thor asks as he looks around. "Is this... Is this where you live?"

"Yes, sometimes."

"But where on Midgard is this?"

Loki laughs. "As if I would tell you that. And furthermore, this place is hidden and protected by the strongest of wards. The moment you even step foot from the premises, you'll never be able to find it again."

"I would expect no less from you."

It's clever little spell, one that will disorient and send a person to the location of his choosing. In this instance, Loki has chosen the far reaches of Antarctica. He only regrets that he will not see the look on Thor's face at finding himself in a frozen wasteland.

"Now," Loki says, opening the sliding glass door and gesturing to Thor, "do please come in."

  


***

"You have a pet?" Thor asks as they step inside and the cat winds her way though their legs.

"Yes, that is Kisa."

"Ah, what a lovely creature you are," Thor says, chuckling as he crouches down to pet the cat. If Loki weren't so on edge, he might find the image comical, the sight of massive Thor petting this tiny cat. Kisa seems to take to Thor quite well, the little traitor.

Thor stands up and looks around the room curiously, taking everything in. Loki wonders what is going through Thor's head, but there will be plenty of time for that later. They walk past the kitchen and then into the living room.

"Sit down," Loki says, motioning to a seating area with plush, brown chairs in front of the fireplace in the living room. Thor still looks wary but he complies, taking off his jacket and then settling his bulky frame down into a chair.

"I will return shortly," Loki says before turning and heading back to the kitchen. He picks up the bottle of cabernet he took out earlier and then rummages through the cupboards for 2 suitable glasses. While he searches, he feels Kisa rubbing against his leg affectionately. 

"Ah, so now you're interested in me again?" he says, glaring down at her. It would be just Loki's luck for his own cat to like Thor better, wouldn't it? He finds some glasses, sets them down on the counter and then crouches down to look the cat in the eye.

"Now listen well, cat: you are not allowed to like Thor," he says quietly, each word punctuated with a wag of his finger. Kisa looks up at him curiously and meows. Loki sighs and strokes her chin, feeling foolish. He wonders if his warning was for her benefit or for his own. 

_No matter._

Today's visit has nothing to do with whether or not he likes Thor. Nothing between them could ever be that simple.

Loki stands up and reaches into a drawer, pulling out a wine key and sliding it into his pocket. He then grabs the wine in one hand, takes the glasses in the other, and heads back into the living room. 

Thor looks up at him when he returns and their eyes meet. Loki allows himself a small smile. Already the energy between them is so charged, like the air before Thor calls forth a storm. It will not take much effort at all for Loki to get what he desires. Loki sets everything down on the round, glass coffee table and begins to uncork the wine. The cork comes out easily with a loud pop that echoes through the heavy silence between them.

"Loki." 

Thor sounds agitated and Loki has to bite back another pleased smile. Thor is so firmly in his web now. 

"Thor," Loki says calmly.

"I tire of your tricks, brother. Why have you brought me here?"

"In due time," Loki says, and then he turns his concentration to pouring them each a glass of wine. He takes a sip from his own and hands the other over to Thor. 

"Brother," Thor begins, staring down at his glass.

Loki laughs and sits down in the chair across from Thor's. "Oh Thor. I did not bring you here to poison you. It is only Midgardian wine," Loki says, "it's hardly 'Death in the Afternoon'."

Thor flinches a little at the mention their June visit and it pleases Loki to see that Thor likely still feels guilt over his actions.

For once, Loki is telling the truth. He has no intention of poisoning Thor, at least not in the way Thor thinks. This Midgardian wine is nothing to them. He doesn't want or need Thor to be intoxicated for this, it is unnecessary. No, Thor must act of his own volition, only then will he truly see.

Thor looks down at his glass again, but finally decides to risk it and takes a sip. They sit across from each other for several minutes, sipping their wine in awkward silence. Well, awkward for Thor anyway. Loki feels quite comfortable, content to watch Thor stew in his uneasiness. 

"I have often wondered, about your... other life," Thor says, setting his wine glass down and breaking the silence at last.

"You mean when I'm not trying to kill you?" Loki says nonchalantly. He takes another sip from his own glass and then sets his down on the table as well.

"I... well yes."

"And what did you expect, Thor? A wife and children? Or perhaps I'd be living in some dank hole somewhere?" Loki's voice is full of sarcasm, but there's a part of him that is truly curious about what Thor thinks he does when they're not together. 

"I truly did not know what to expect, but I like this," he says, gesturing to the room around them. "It suits you. I quite like your cat companion as well," Thor says and smiles.

Loki rolls his eyes. "Yes, I do have other things that occupy my time, Thor. Contrary to popular belief, my life does not revolve around you."

Thor gives Loki a long, thoughtful look as if he's weighing his words carefully. "Be that as it may, but I cannot truly say your actions have done much to prove otherwise."

Loki gives Thor a sharp look and stands up defensively. "You _dare_ -"

" _Brother_ ," Thor says, unwilling to be deterred this time. "Why do you spend so much time trying to hurt me if you want nothing to do with me? You have my attention, Loki. You always have."

Loki crosses his arms and glares at Thor. "You should leave the lying to me Thor, it suits you ill."

Thor sighs in exasperation and stands up as well, crossing the distance between them until he stands directly before Loki. "Loki... why must you twist everything I say? Tell me what you want from me and I will give it. All you need do is ask, brother."

"What I want?" Loki says as he shakes his head and looks away from Thor. Outwardly he appears thoughtful and almost hesitant. But inside, Loki smiles like the cat that got the cream. He has Thor exactly where he wants him now. All it will take is one more nudge to push things beyond the point of no return.

"You know..." Loki begins, swallowing hard as he gazes at Thor with the full brunt of his desire. "You _know_ what I want, Thor." And Loki bridges the distance between them and kisses Thor hard, tasting the hint of wine that still lingers on his lips. The kiss is just as good as it was back in Amsterdam, but somehow... _more_. Although Thor's lips feel soft and _perfect_ against his own, it is not a gentle kiss. It is rough and passionate, heady and heavy with the weight of centuries of sexual tension.

But just like before, Thor pulls away. "Loki, brother. Wait."

"Whatever for?"

"We cannot...I should not-"

Loki pulls away roughly, his body language showing a blend of hurt and anger that he knows Thor will find irresistible. "Ah, so Amsterdam was all a game then. You do not truly desire me."

"Loki," Thor says as he reaches out to lay his hand on Loki's neck in that way he always does. "There's nothing I desire more. But I will not act on it if you're under duress. Our bargain is that we pass the time together without fighting. Nothing else is required. I would have you, believe me I would," he says, his gaze steady and earnest, "but I would not have you come to me out of obligation."

Loki pauses and looks at him with a considering gaze. Then he slaps Thor clean across the face and Thor stares at him in shock, his hand coming up to rest on his reddened cheek. "You are a fool, Thor Odinson. It is truly quite simple: you have made all the choices so far on how we spend our visits. But what if this is the way I would choose to pass the time?"

"Is that the purpose of all this then?" Thor asks, looking at Loki with searching eyes. "You brought me here because you wish to-"

"Forget it," Loki says harshly, "this was a mistake." He moves to turn away but Thor grabs his wrist roughly, pulling Loki's arm until they are face to face again.

"Loki-"

"Nothing has changed," Loki spits out as Thor releases his grip. "You are still as much of a coward as ever."

Thor's expression is stormy and looks like he might say something to argue back, but instead he holds his tongue. Thor swallows and they stare at each other for long moments, both breathing hard. 

It is Thor who surges forward and pulls Loki into a crushing embrace. All restraint is gone as Thor presses their lips together and they clutch at each other, kissing desperately. Thor's hands are everywhere, heavy and warm. Everywhere he touches Loki it burns him like a firebrand, thawing the cold inside him. Thor pulls away enough to press wet, biting kisses on Loki's neck and Loki gasps at the feel of rough stubble on his skin. Loki breathes in and Thor smells so good, rich masculine scent with a hint of the ozone that comes before lightning strikes. Thor grinds his hips and they both moan at the feel of their cocks pressing together through the fabric of their pants. Loki runs his fingers through Thor's silken hair just because he can, making a mess of him. Somehow, Loki manages to steer them towards his bedroom, their shoes kicked off and shirts discarded along the way.

Thor winds his arms around Loki's torso and pulls him closer. Loki moans at the feel of Thor's bare chest against his, all that solid muscle. Thor has always seemed larger than life, but never more so than he does now. Loki rakes his nails down Thor's back, making him hiss. Thor grips Loki's hair and kisses him harder and Loki kisses back, nipping and biting at his lips. Loki allows a few more kisses before he pushes Thor away roughly. He lets himself fall back onto the bed and slide up so that the length of his body can stretch out against the blankets. Thor moves to follow him, but Loki raises up a hand to stay him.

"Watch," Loki says with a mischievous grin and then he's lifting up his hips and slowly sliding his pants off. He opted for no undergarments today and so his erection springs free once the pants are pushed below his hips. He hears Thor's sharp intake of breath as more of Loki's body is revealed to him. Once the pants are removed, he also removes his black socks and tosses everything down on the floor. He then sits up on the bed and looks at Thor. 

Thor's face is flushed and he watches Loki like he wants to devour him whole. Loki feels intoxicated with the power to hold Thor's attention so purely, to be so clearly desired. He will take even greater pleasure at twisting this desire and throwing it back in Thor's face. Thor opens his mouth as if to speak but nothing comes out. It's just as well because Loki wants Thor to watch this, wants to make sure that he holds on to his attention. 

Loki reaches into his nightstand and pulls out a small bottle of lubricant. He looks up at Thor again and smiles seductively. Thor swallows hard, desire plain in his eyes. Loki doesn't feel the need to delay things any longer. He puts some lube on his fingers, leans back on the bed and spreads his legs wide. He sighs as he starts working his fingers into himself, loving the feel of it. He already spent some time preparing himself this morning, so this will not take long at all. His little display now is more for Thor's benefit than his own. While Loki's fingers continue sliding in and out of his hole, he raises his free hand and motions for Thor to join him on the bed.

"Loki, what are you doing?" Thor says, his voice sounding strangled.

"The question is not what am I doing, but what are _you_ doing all the way over there?"

For once in his life, Thor seems unsure of himself and Loki delights in seeing him so off-balance. There is a mixture of lust and wariness in Thor's eyes as he watches Loki. In the end, lust wins out and whatever misgivings he had are pushed to the background. Quickly and efficiently, Thor strips down and tosses his remaining clothing onto the floor with Loki's discarded pants and socks. 

Finally, Thor stands bare before him and Loki can't help his own intake of breath. He's seen Thor naked before many times, but not like _this_. He's nothing short of magnificent; smooth golden skin marked with battle scars here and there, some that Loki remembers from their youth and other more recent ones he may very well have caused himself. Thor's erection is thick and hard, standing tall and flushed the most pleasing shade of red. Loki feels his mouth water as Thor smiles at him and strokes it a few times. A lifetime ago, Loki wouldn't have been able to resist sucking it deep, choking on it as the blunt head pushed to the back of his throat. But those days are over and he has other plans for this evening.

Thor can see the way Loki is looking at him and gives Loki a cocky grin. "Do you like what you see, brother?"

Loki rolls his eyes. "Hardly. I've never been terribly fond of your arrogance, although you wear it _so_ well," he says, voice laced with sarcasm.

Thor shakes his head and laughs. "As do you with your cleverness."

"Come here," Loki says. Thor stalks across the room and then climbs onto the bed. He closes the distance between them and they both moan when Thor presses his body flush against Loki's. Loki pushes up with his hips so that his hard cock rubs against Thor's, sliding in their combined precome. Thor pushes his hips down frantically to meet Loki's over and over again, both of them desperate for friction. He kisses Loki ravenously, moaning as his hot tongue pushes into Loki's mouth. Thor's skin is so warm and Loki can't stop himself from running his fingers all over it wherever he can reach. Thor's own callused hands are rough on Loki's skin, a promise of all that is to come.

Thor will leave bruises, dark marks on his pale skin. Loki's body will be living evidence of just how twisted they are, that they are broken and damaged beyond repair. This isn't love, this is violence. This is war of the most intimate variety.

Using his own considerable strength, Loki flips them over and pins Thor to the bed. He smiles as he grips Thor's thick cock in his hand, thinking about how good it will feel inside him, stretching him open. Because it doesn't matter that he's the one letting Thor fuck him. Loki knows what he likes and despite whatever outdated notions the Asgardians or Midgardians may have, _he_ is the one with the power and control here. Thor looks up at Loki with hooded eyes, moaning and sighing as Loki strokes him. As fun as it would be to tease Thor all night, he hasn't the patience for it now. Loki picks up the tube of lubricant and drizzles some on Thor's erection. Thor's breath hitches as Loki strokes it slowly, making it nice and slick. 

Loki takes Thor's dick firmly in his hand, lifts up his hips and then he feels it; the blunt head of a hard cock pressing up against his hole. Loki bears down and the both of them gasp as Thor's cock pushes past that initial ring of muscle and starts sliding in. Loki has lain with many men, but he's never taken anyone as big as Thor before and he feels so exquisitely full. Thor grips Loki's hips as Loki continues to slide down Thor's hard length until it's buried to the hilt and he can feel Thor's heavy balls pressing against his ass. 

Loki hands are an iron grip on Thor's shoulders as he uses the leverage to slowly work his hips up and down. He pinches Thor's nipples hard and Thor cries out, his body arching and pushing his cock deeper inside of Loki. And it's incredible, even better than Loki imagined. It feels so good to have all that strength under hands, in his control.

"Come now, _brother_ ," Loki says as his movements start to pick up speed, "must I do all the work?"

Thor grips Loki's hips and starts thrusting up into him in earnest, the sensation making them both moan with pleasure.

Loki grins wickedly. "Is that all? And after all the stories I've heard about the prowess of the Mighty Thor," he says with a breathy laugh. "For shame, _brother._ "

Thor flips him over, and the way he pins Loki down with his weight feels positively _delicious._ Loki smiles, feeling triumphant. Thor will pin him down, fuck him, use him, and it will be greater than any battle they've ever had. Thor will succumb to the baseness of his lust and then he'll see what Loki already knows. He'll finally realize how ugly this thing between them is and it will break him. Loki will pull Thor down from his cursed pedestal and push him down in the dirt with him. Because in the end, Thor is a brute and Loki is a monster and all they know how to do is tear each other to shreds. 

Loki pants as he stares up at Thor, eyes full of malice. "Oh, if only your precious mortals could see you now. Would they still call you hero?"

" _Stop it_ ," Thor says as he thrusts brutally hard into Loki, leaving him breathless.

"One day... _oh yes_... one day I will end them all," Loki says, urging Thor on by gripping his shoulders hard enough to leave bruises, "and do you know the best part?"

"What?" Thor says through gritted teeth as he fucks Loki even harder and it's _perfect_. Loki can see that glint of berserker rage in Thor's eyes and he welcomes it.

Loki throws his head back and moans before looking up at Thor again with a throaty laugh.

"It will be your fault, _brother_. You know I have no care for mortals. It is...mmm... it is only their association with _you_ that makes them such a wonderful target."

" _Silence_ ," Thor says, practically yelling now. He wipes off the sweat that is dripping down from his brow before he reaches a hand down and Loki knows where this is headed. Before Thor can cover his mouth, Loki reaches up with a hand of his own and grips Thor's wrist hard. Thor has always been stronger than Loki, but Loki is no weakling. Their hands keep pushing against each others' as they fight for dominance and even though Loki's arm starts to shake with the effort he will not be so easily cowed.

Loki's breath comes out in harsh rasps, but he has enough air to land a final barb at Thor. "And so you think to silence me because you do not like what I have to say. Is this what you want, Thor? To punish me? To have me at your mercy?" he says viciously.

Thor growls and pins him down more forcefully and Loki only laughs at him. And then Thor does something Loki was not expecting.

He stops.

Thor takes several deep, heaving breaths and the rage in his eyes slowly begins to fade. 

"No. No, it's not," Thor says. He brushes back a lock of his disheveled, blond hair and stares down at Loki, eyes searching until it appears that he's come to some kind of conclusion. Thor grips Loki's chin and his touch is strong yet tender as he forces Loki to meet his gaze.

"I know what you seek to do and I will not have you sully this, brother."

Then he leans down and presses feather-light kisses against Loki's neck and grinds his hips slowly, oh so slowly. His pace is firm and steady but not rough as he works his cock deep inside. Loki scratches Thor back hard and though it makes Thor hiss, it doesn't make him change his rhythm at all. 

"Curse you," Loki says, because this is not what he wants at _all_ , and yet everything he's always wanted at the same time. The heavy weight of Thor's body on top of his makes Loki feel like he's enveloped in pleasure, and Thor's touch, scent, and taste are invading his senses. Thor kisses him and he's so deep inside Loki now that Loki feels like his every nerve ending has been set ablaze. Thor touches him with such reverence that it almost makes Loki just want to give in and let Thor worship him like the god he is.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be a game, _his_ game. He cannot let Thor win. Loki has used sex to manipulate people before and he knows how it can wreak havoc on people's emotions. He just never expected himself to be one of those people. He has walked into a trap of his own devising and he has no one to blame but himself. But it's not too late to salvage things around and he is nothing if not adaptable.

"Fuck me. _Hurt me_ ," Loki demands.

Thor's thrusts are still firm and steady as he reaches down with one hand to stroke Loki's cheek. 

"I am," Thor says with a hint of sadness in his eyes. And Loki has to throw an arm over his face and turn away because he _hates_ the way Thor can sometimes be so perceptive. It is far, far easier for him to accept Thor's violence than his love. For Thor to touch him this way makes him feel stripped bare, it hurts more than any physical blow ever could. It is breaking him apart and yet he never wants it to stop. 

"Loki, look at me."

Loki doesn't, he can't. He bites his lip hard, choking down moans and twisted jumbles of words he can't let himself say.

" _Please_ , Loki."

Loki feels his body shudder, his defenses breaking down one by one. He grunts and pushes his hips up to meet Thor's every thrust, still so steady and slow. Thor's hands are everywhere and Loki's traitorous body shakes and arches into every touch.

Loki finally looks up at Thor, his eyes filled with every ounce of anger and hostility he can muster. "I hate you," he spits out in between moans, because he has to. Thor already has so much of him, any more and Loki feels like it would destroy him, wreck him more than he already is.

"Loki," Thor says as he strokes a hand through Loki's hair. "So beautiful, just look at you."

Loki sneers, even though the way Thor is fucking him _just right_ makes it hard to hold the expression. "Save your poetry. Just shut up and fuck me."

Loki starts to speak again, but before he can say any of the cruel things on the tip of his tongue, he finds himself moaning as Thor thrusts his hips again, hot, hard cock getting particularly deep inside and rubbing against Loki's prostate.

Loki gasps and the dam breaks open, a litany of words finally spilling out. "Oh Thor, _yes_ just like that, fuck me," he chants, hips rising to meet Thor's again and again. Thor growls and bites at Loki's neck, making him arch on the bed.

"I'll give you everything. _Anything_. Always, brother," Thor says between harsh breaths.

And it's sick and twisted, but for Thor to call him "brother" now only arouses him more, the tight, hot pleasure coiling in the base of his spine. Loki feels like he's falling apart at the seams and yet powerful at the same time, to have all of Thor's strength and focus on him. This is a different kind of power, but one he can't process and doesn't know quite what to do with except ride it out. So Loki wraps his legs around Thor and digs his heels into the small of Thor's back, urging him to fuck harder and faster.

Thor rains kisses down on Loki's neck and runs firm fingers all over Loki's body as his pace starts to increase. He will leave bites and bruises, but not in the way Loki intended. This should be dirty and cheap, but instead it's like Thor is pressing his love into Loki's skin with every mark, hoping it will seep down into the core of him.

Loki looks up at Thor, all flushed face and parted lips, and the way his blonde hair frames his face makes him look so beautiful that it almost hurts to gaze upon him. Before Loki even realizes what he's doing, he reaches up and strokes Thor's face tenderly, stubble rough against his fingers. Thor sighs and leans in to the touch and it's then that Loki remembers himself. He slips his hand into Thor's hair and yanks it hard, pulling him into a messy kiss.

Thor's thrusts become more erratic and whatever control he possessed is slipping away. They've both lost control, if they ever even had it in the first place. The way their bodies move against each other feels primal and inevitable, like a force of nature. Loki has no idea what he's doing anymore and from the look in Thor's eyes, it's clear that he doesn't either. In this, at least, they are equals.

Thor fucks him harder and deeper, thick cock stretching Loki open and rubbing against his prostate with every thrust. "Oh Thor _yes_ , oh yes," Loki moans over and over again, unable to keep foolish words from tumbling out of his mouth and hating himself for it. 

"Loki," Thor says, and he looks absolutely _wrecked_. "Loki I lo-"

"Don't you say it," Loki says through clenched teeth. "Don't you _dare_ say it."

Because if Thor says it right here, right now, Loki might actually make the mistake of believing him. Because it's not a game, it was never a game. It was all just an elaborate lie. A pathetic excuse for him to give in to his own weakness and lust for Thor for its own sake.

Loki roughly tugs on Thor's hair again and braces himself for Thor's words but for once in his life, Thor actually listens and he doesn't say anything. Instead he buries his face in the hollow of Loki's neck and thrusts into him harder. The room is filled with their sounds, harsh pants and moans and the slap of Thor's balls against his ass as Thor pounds him into the mattress. Thor never stops fucking Loki, cock stretching him wide while he whispers incoherent endearments about how beautiful Loki is, and how good he feels. Loki bites his lip and moans at the way his cock rubs against Thor's abs with every thrust, sliding in his own precome. 

"Oh fuck, Thor, _brother_ ," Loki gasps, and then all he can focus on is the feel of Thor's battle-roughened hand stroking his cock right before he comes.

"Brother," Loki moans again, and maybe it's the word or just the rawness in Loki's voice but this is what pushes Thor over the edge. Thor's hips move furiously and he practically growls as he comes inside Loki. The wet warmth of Thor's seed filling him makes Loki shake and shudder as if he had not just climaxed himself.

In the aftermath, Thor collapses on top of him and they lay there pressed together so intimately until their breathing returns to normal. Thor's weight is heavy and warm on top of him, making Loki's spread legs ache with the stretch. 

"Loki..."

" _Don't._ "

Thor sighs and presses a kiss to Loki's forehead while Loki bats him away. He pulls out and his seed leaks out of Loki's well-used hole and pools on the bedsheets. Loki lets his legs relax and he can feel the shifting of Thor's weight as he gets up. He hears the sound of footsteps walking toward the bathroom and then the splash of running water. 

Thor returns and climbs back onto the bed until he is crouched on his knees next to Loki, looking down him. His hair is a mess, his cheeks are flushed, and a thin sheen of sweat still clings to him. Loki didn't think it was possible, but he somehow looks even more gorgeous than before. Because Thor looks utterly debauched and Loki is the one who did this to him.

Their eyes meet, filled with all the things neither one of them knows how to say. But Thor - fool that he is - is always willing to try.

"Loki, we must talk about-"

" _No._ "

Thor sighs again and Loki lies there in a daze as Thor cleans him off with a warm washcloth, touching him like he's a precious thing instead of the monster that he is. Thor lays down on his back beside Loki so that their arms and shoulders touch, but he doesn't try to speak again.

Loki feels... _adrift_. Almost like he's fallen into the void again and it's just as terrifying then as it is now. Long minutes pass in silence until Thor rolls onto his side and lets his arm rest across Loki's middle. Thor's touch is like an anchor, pulling him back to the present moment. The heavy weight of his arm gives the illusion of comfort and safety when in reality _nothing_ about this is safe. And the longer Thor stays, the more dangerous this becomes. 

He should tell Thor to get off of him, use his magic to banish him and force him to leave. But he doesn't. Thor lightly strokes his fingers along Loki's arm and Loki feels his pulse start to race because he _wants_. Once was not enough, not after how long he's waited for this. 

"Thor."

"Loki," Thor says and when their eyes meet again it's clear that Thor wants this as badly as Loki does. 

Loki pounces, climbing on top of Thor and pinning him down. From there it's a flurry of movement, kissing and grinding up against each other frantically. He will have Thor over and over again tonight until he gets his fill, for they are gods and do not lack for stamina.

Loki has changed much over the years, but there are vestiges of his past life that won't let him go. He is haunted by the ghost of that young, hopeful prince, forever pining away for his brother's love. Just for tonight, he will indulge. For that young man's sake, Loki will allow himself what he once wanted more than anything before he excises that part of himself forever.

  


****

When Loki wakes, he feels as though he's woken from a fever dream. He lays in bed for several minutes, trying to sort out his thoughts and piece everything together.

The memories filter in and he remembers every touch, every kiss. Thor's strong hands touching every part of him and the exquisite, toe-curling pleasure of Thor's mouth on his cock. They fucked all night, and Loki had no thought for the apple, only for the feel of Thor's skin pressed against his. Hundreds of years of restraint all gone, and it felt as if they were both feverish with the desire to make up for lost time. 

_As if Thor had the right,_ Loki thinks spitefully.

But Thor is gone now, whether out of shame or some foolish sense of honoring the letter of their deal Loki does not know. Loki doesn't remember when he left but he's glad that he did because Thor is the last person he wants to see right now. Loki doesn't doubt that his wards held and will keep him safe from Thor finding his way back here. But even the thought of Thor being teleported to the wastes of Antarctica isn't enough to make Loki smile. 

Loki sighs and stretches, his body feeling sex-sore and aching in all the right ways. He looks over at his nightstand and it's then that he sees the half apple, its skin golden in the morning light. Next to it is a note, scribbled in Thor's messy handwriting. 

"Until next time," Loki says bitterly, reading the note aloud.

Loki sits up in bed and eats the apple. He would much rather throw it across the room or beat it into a bloody pulp, but he can't. He already wasted one seed in bringing Thor here and look how that turned out. He needs a successful tree now more than ever. He settles for tearing the note to shreds and setting it on fire until it's nothing more than little wisps of ash. It then disintegrates into nothing, as if it never existed in the first place.

Because this was supposed _hurt._ It was supposed to expose the both of them, to strip them bare and force Thor to finally see Loki for what he is. This was supposed to show Thor that even a golden prince has a dark side and that Loki will only ever bring out the worst in him. This was supposed to change things.

And it has. Oh how it has, but in ways far beyond any Loki intended. 

The game has changed now and Loki feels at a loss, like he doesn't even know the rules anymore. He tells himself to get up and get moving. He needs to think. Needs to plan, needs to reassess everything.

Instead he spends the rest of the day in bed, cocooned in sheets that smell like Thor.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick update about the fic since we're nearing the final stretch: I had to do some shuffling around of the last few chapters so the total number of chapters is reduced from 14 to 13, and October will be another Loki chapter. Since Thor had back to back chapters in Jan and Feb we can't have Loki feeling slighted, now can we? ;)
> 
> Thank you to all of you who have been reading, you're the best :)


	10. October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki attempts to prove a point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had hoped to post this on Sunday, but this chapter was a beast. It was a fight, but I did my damndest to beat it into submission. I hope you all enjoy it!

_Casablanca, Morocco_

  


Loki sits across from Thor on the patio of a seaside cafe in Casablanca. He is sprawled languidly in his chair, idly rubbing a line of condensation from his glass of mint tea. It's a little past midday and the sun shines brightly in the clear blue sky. Palm tree leaves ruffle as a cool breeze blows, and Loki can smell the salt of the ocean air and the sweet scent of mint wafting from their tea. It's a sunny day, pleasantly warm without being too hot. Out on the beach, the white sand seems to stretch on endlessly and it contrasts beautifully with cerulean waves that gently crash against the shore. With unhurried movements, Loki adjusts the collar of his black suit, smoothing his dark green silk tie, the one that perfectly brings out the sharp color of his eyes. 

There are many cafes similar to their own along this beachfront but Thor chose one of the less crowded ones. The muffled voices of the other patrons in the cafe carry on the wind, but for Loki it's little more than white noise. There is more substance in the silence between he and Thor than in any of the mortals' insignificant and meaningless chatter. Loki can feel the weight of Thor's gaze upon him, but he doesn't look up, not yet. Instead he looks down at the table, white with dark yellow tiles, and traces a small crack with his fingertip. He lets the silence stretch on, oppressive and hanging over them both like dark pall. For the past 30 minutes, he has been content to sit here and ignore Thor's attempts to get him to talk about September. It's actually quite fitting when he thinks about it. How many one-sided conversations has he had with Thor over the years? He has not forgotten all the times that he counseled Thor and tried to get him to see reason, only for Thor to completely disregard anything Loki had said and go forward with whatever his latest fool idea was. 

"Have you nothing to say, brother?" Thor says, and Loki allows himself a small smile at the tenor of frustration in Thor's voice. At last, he looks up at Thor, meeting his gaze head on. Thor has always been terribly easy to read and from his current expression, Loki can clearly see the war within him. With every passing moment, he tries to read Loki's impassive face for some kind of sign. As if he just tries hard enough, he'll be able to divine when it's better to speak or better to remain silent. It's something Loki tried to teach him long ago, but Thor never learns. 

If he had, he would understand that Loki doesn't want to talk about September. He doesn't even want to _think_ about it, he just wants to move forward. His chest clenches at the very thought of it, still mortified by his reactions to Thor's touch. Despite his best efforts, it has plagued his mind without end for the past few weeks. Before September, Loki had felt so close to growing a successful tree. But afterwards... his every experiment had failed, his mind too distracted and preoccupied to focus. And his subsequent anger had created a vicious cycle that ensured his continued failure. In the end, Loki had to face the fact that their bargain must continue for at least another month. He has come too far to turn back now, no matter what foolish emotions Thor has inflicted upon him. 

Loki takes a sip of his tea and it's sweet - almost _too_ sweet - as the flavor rolls over his tongue. Even still, the tea is refreshing, the heat and bright taste of mint warming him as he swallows it down. Thor looks very on edge, but Loki keeps his posture aloof and casual. Anything to keep Thor off balance. Anything to keep himself under control and stave of the sense of panic that has burrowed itself deep in his chest for the past month.

As a reward for maintaining his calm exterior, Loki allows his eyes to wander over the hard planes of Thor's body. Thor wears a simple pair of jeans and a black t-shirt that shows the defined muscles of his arms. Loki can't help the sharp spike of lust that shoots through him, or the answering spike of self-loathing that coils around him like a snake. He must remain focused. He is here for the apple. He is here because he still needs to prove a point to Thor (and possibly to himself as well). But if he's honest with himself, there is a shameful part of him that would have wanted to come anyway even if the tree were successful, if only for the opportunity to feel Thor's hands upon him again. 

Although Loki thought that finally having sex would diffuse the tension between them, it has only made it worse. When this is finally all over, how can he ever look at Thor again without thinking about it? He wonders what will happen the next time they face each other in battle. Will it be a liability when he sees Thor's hands wield Mjolnir and remembers what they feel like when they're wrapped around his cock? Or will it be an asset to him when Loki's lips curl into a wicked grin and Thor is reminded of just how it felt to kiss him? Only time will tell.

September was many things, but worst of all it was simply _not enough_. Loki's relaxed posture belies the way he is positively itching inside, driven by the need to have Thor just _one more time_ , no matter the cost. He will allow himself this final self-indulgence, but only if it can be mitigated somehow. Only if it can be fenced in, controlled, and bent to his will. After the disaster that was their last meeting, he cannot just simply invite Thor into his bed again, not from a position of such weakness. So he keeps Thor at a distance for now and plays the game as only he knows how. 

Loki reaches for the silver teapot and refills both of their glasses before setting it back down on the table. "So," he says, "why Casablanca?"

"I heard..." Thor says a bit sheepishly, "I heard that it was quite romantic."

"Did you now?" Loki says, raising an eyebrow.

"There is a film and everything," Thor says. "I have not seen it myself, but the Midgardians say it is one of the most romantic of all time."

Loki stifles a laugh, because he _has_ seen the film. During his fifth year on Midgard he grew quite bored and decided to see what foolishness the mortals deemed as high art. It was surprisingly... not awful. With Kisa curled up beside him, Loki had made his way through many of Midgard's classic films. Loki has played many roles in his long life, but he has always been a wordsmith who could never resist the lure of a good story.

But of course Thor hasn't seen the film. His taste in stories has always tended to those of battle and glory, usually his own. If Thor knew _Casablanca_ ended with a man letting his love go, he would hardly think bringing Loki here was a straightforward, romantic gesture. Loki cannot say he is truly surprised. It's just like Thor, to not really think about the meaning of his actions and to play with things he barely understands. 

Loki rolls his eyes. "This is not our honeymoon, Thor," he says, except that it kind of is, in its own strange way. Honeymoons are said to be the beginning of a couple's lives together, but in truth, it's really much simpler than that. It's just a trip to a beautiful location that's little more than an excuse for the couple to sequester themselves away and fuck each other senseless.

But he and Thor are not a couple and this is much more of an ending than a beginning. 

Loki turns his thoughts away from his own misgivings on the situation and focuses on how pitiful Thor looks now. The mixture of hurt, confusion, and desire is so plain on his face and it thrills Loki to know he can twist them to his own ends once more. Thor has tried to get Loki to discuss their feelings, but he hasn't asked about having sex with Loki again, although it is clear that he wants to. 

But he will. Loki will make sure of it. 

***

  


They walk along the beach for awhile and then they head to the Hassan II Mosque, a towering structure that stands perched on top of a rocky outcropping. Other outsiders can only enter the mosque as part of a tour group but Loki's magic keeps both he and Thor unnoticed and they wander around freely. Though the Midgardians are generally inferior creatures, Loki has to admit that the architecture here is truly beautiful. It is a massive building with beautiful fountains, high domed ceilings and golden chandeliers. There are tall arches and ornately carved pillars adorned with kaleidoscopic blue mosaic at their bases. Thor and Loki take it all in as locals and tourists alike move through its majestic halls. 

Its grandeur reminds Loki of Asgard, a fact that is only compounded by being here with Thor. They spent so many years together, running through the halls of the palace and causing trouble wherever they went. Long before the truth came out and everything they were to each other was revealed to be a lie. It's hard to believe that there was ever a time when they were so free and easy with each other.

Now, they are all heavy silences and stilted conversation.

But as they wander aimlessly, Loki feels they have spent enough time in silence today. It's time to get things moving and he can't help having a little fun at Thor's expense. "So," Loki says as they stand side by side, overlooking the water at the mosque's sea wall, "did you find Antarctica to your liking?"

Thor scowls. "I do not appreciate your tricks, brother."

"Ah, but I appreciate them enough for the both of us," Loki says with a smirk. 

Thor glares at him and it seems that he is not content to let Loki goad him today without getting in a dig of his own. "And what of you, Loki? How fares your home and your cat companion?"

This time it's Loki's turn to scowl. "That is none of your concern," he says sharply. Loki is filled with bitter regret over having invited Thor into his home. Will Thor lord this over him for the rest of their lives? It's humiliating to think on just how spectacularly his plans had backfired, and how what was meant to crush Thor's hope has only encouraged it. He was overconfident and he let Thor get too close. He let Thor shatter something within him and now he must struggle to piece himself back together. Loki cannot take back what happened, but he can take back some measure of control. He can do things today as he should have done them in September. 

They leave the mosque and enter the Medina in the old part of the city. Surrounded by thick stone walls, it is a colorful, bustling market with people selling food, spices, and all manner of wares. Thor and Loki move unnoticed through the labyrinth of alleyways. With every passing moment, Thor seems to relax more, chattering on inanely and pointing out little trinkets and baubles. Loki, on the other hand, feels his tension begin to increase as that wretched sense of fear and panic starts to claw at him. Because this is all wrong. Loki knows how this works: he withdraws and Thor seeks him out, he pushes Thor away and Thor reaches out to pull him closer. It is and has always been the way of things between them. But a few hours have already passed and Thor has yet to even lay a hand upon Loki in anger _or_ in lust (and Loki is counting on just how easily one becomes the other). They are wasting time because as usual, Thor is too noble for his own good. Loki will have to take matters into his own hands. He pauses and considers his words but before he can speak, Thor gives him an opening. 

"Loki, we cannot continue on like this," Thor says firmly, as they shuffle off to the side and out of the main flow of foot traffic. "We must discuss what happened between us."

Loki rolls his eyes. "Oh, must we?" 

" _Yes_."

"Then why did we not discuss it a month ago? Why did you leave, Thor? Were you running like a coward? Or just too ashamed to have sunk so low?"

His words are meant to goad Thor, but there's another layer to it. It's a strange paradox that lives within Loki, the simultaneous relief that Thor hadn't stayed and the bright, hot anger toward Thor for daring to leave. It stems from those moments when he forgets himself and the old fantasies of what his first time with Thor would have been like come filtering in. Long ago, he once dreamed of waking up the morning after with Thor a warm, solid weight beside him. Even though it's a childish notion he has abandoned, Thor's absence still filled him with a sense of... disappointment that he can't quite shake. He knows this line of thinking isn't particularly fair to Thor, but after every advantage Thor has been handed throughout their long lives, being fair to Thor is the least of Loki's worries. 

"I feel no shame for anything we have done together, Loki. What we did was an act of love," Thor says, his expression sincere and his voice strong and sure.

"An act of love," Loki scoffs, shaking his head. Thor touches Loki's cheek, and Loki stands there immobile. His calculating mind is working overtime as he waits to see what Thor will do next. 

"To finally touch you I... it meant more to me than I can ever say."

"Hardly surprising considering your limited vocabulary," Loki says as he pushes Thor's hand away. He takes a step back and turns his face away from Thor, looking out at the market and the giant clocktower in the distance. Thor's words are trite and cliched, and yet they keep stirring up emotions that should have died long ago. It's foolish because there's nothing there but an empty husk, a false love predicated on a lie. They call Loki the God of Lies, but sometimes he thinks the title would be better awarded to Odin. Loki has lied, tricked, and deceived more people than he can count, but never has he had the gall to turn someone's entire life into a lie.

Thor sighs. "Loki, please do not do this."

"I will do whatever I please, _brother._ However," he says as he glares at Thor, "you still have not answered my question. If it meant 'oh so much' to you, why did you leave?"

Thor raises a hand as if to reach out and touch Loki again, but seems to think better of it and lets it fall uselessly back to his side. "Our bargain was only for ten hours," Thor says. "Believe me, I wished to stay more than anything. But any more of your time was not mine to take."

Loki laughs. It's actually quite amusing how transparent Thor is in his desire to always be perceived as honorable. He uses these empty platitudes to make himself feel righteous and disguises them as respect for Loki's boundaries.

"And so that's it then. You fuck me and then you use your 'honor' as an excuse to abandon me."

" _Loki._ That is not what I said and you know it."

"Your words mean little to me, Thor. It has always been your actions that speak louder."

Thor pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs in frustration. "I thought you didn't want to discuss this."

"And who said anything about a discussion?" Loki asks. "Must I remind you that you only have my company for a limited amount of time? You can drag me around the city," he says nonchalantly, "or we can go somewhere private and you can strip me bare. The choice is yours."

Loki's gaze is hungry as it travels over Thor's body, and its rather more like _Thor_ is being the one stripped bare. Thor swallows hard and Loki can see the flush rising in his cheeks.

Loki gives him a sly smile. "I thought so."

***

  


They take a taxi and ride in silence to one of the finest hotels in the city. The city is a blur of bright, white buildings and red Moroccan flags billowing in the wind as they speed down the boulevards. When they get to the front desk of the hotel, Loki pulls out a credit card and pays. Thor frowns but he doesn't ask where the money came from and Loki doesn't volunteer any information. 

They go up to the room and Loki can feel the heat of Thor's presence following closely behind him. Loki is careful to tamp down on the bounce in his step because although he feels sickened with himself, he also feels giddy with anticipation. Before Loki slots the key card into the door, he glances over at Thor and their eyes meet. Thor doesn't speak. He doesn't have to because his eyes say everything.

***

  


They don't make it to the bed the first time. 

Instead, Thor picks Loki up and kisses him hard, while Loki wraps his legs around Thor's waist and kisses back with equal fervor. Thor easily carries him across the room and sets him down on the dark brown, wooden desk.

They knock the telephone and desk lamp to the floor as they tear at each others' clothing, ripping it to shreds and tossing it to the floor in a heap. Loki feels a pang of regret because he did quite like that suit, but when Thor spreads Loki's legs wide, exposing his hole and pulling him forward until his ass is half hanging off of the desk, the suit is quickly forgotten. 

They have no lubricant but this is not a problem. Loki is a sorcerer after all, and this is not the first time he's used his magic for such indecent purposes. Loki's legs shake as Thor shoves a slick finger into his tight hole and starts thrusting it in and out. With Thor's fingers and Loki's magic, it doesn't take long before Loki open and ready enough for Thor to sink his cock deep inside.

Thor hooks his strong arms under Loki's thighs to keep him spread wide open. Loki extends his arms behind him and presses his hands firmly on the desk to keep himself upright while Thor fucks him open. Thor's pace is fast and unrelenting, each thrust so hard that it makes the desk bang against the wall. Loki's eyes roll in the back of his head and he lets out little gasping moans as he pushes his hips up to meet every thrust. They are frantic and desperate, and Loki's toes curl when Thor's cock seems to reach some place impossibly deep inside him.

" _Brother_ ," Thor moans, and Loki shudders because it's still as much of a turn on now as it was in September to hear him say it.

"Oh... oh _fuck_ ," Loki moans because he is close, oh so close, if Thor would just keep fucking him hard just like that-

Thor pulls out and Loki feels like he could tear out his hair - or better yet Thor's - in frustration. Thor shakes and moans as he strokes himself and comes all over Loki's cock and stomach. 

"Bastard," Loki hisses out between heaving breaths, but Thor only laughs and then drops down to his knees between Loki's spread legs. With no further ceremony, he takes Loki's cock in his hot, wet mouth. He sucks it deep, moaning and tasting his own come as his head bobs up and down. Thor relishes it, sucking him with a playfulness that reminds Loki of their younger days. He looks up at Loki through his eyelashes with open desire and unabashed affection. Thor has never been one to deny his appetites and for now Loki is content to throw his head back in pleasure and let Thor devour him. 

_Is this what it would have been like then_? Loki briefly wonders. But then Thor presses 3 of his fingers together and then shoves them roughly into Loki's hole, and the sound Loki makes at the feel of them might be considered a scream. Loki rests his legs over Thor's broad shoulders while he sucks and finger fucks Loki mercilessly. The room is filled with Loki's gasps, the slick sound of Thor's fingers inside him, and Thor's muffled moans around Loki's cock.

Loki looks down and the sight of Thor's mouth stretched around his cock seems even more obscene than when they did this in September. Thor sucks him with gusto, so clearly hungry for it. He presses the flat of his tongue against underside of Loki's cock, making Loki cry out. Loki feels an irrational pang of jealously because Thor is too good at this to not have done it before. Who were these other men? And why were they worthy of this when Loki was not? But Loki has no time to dwell on these thoughts because Thor is swallowing convulsively around the head of his cock and his thick fingers are pressing right against Loki's prostate. 

" _Thor_ , oh yes yes _yes_ ," Loki moans, and then his legs tremble as he comes with a silent scream. His hips move uncontrollably, pushing his dick to the back of Thor's throat as he shakes and comes in hot spurts. Thor moans around Loki's cock and slowly eases his fingers from Loki's hole as he swallows every drop. When Loki is too sensitive for more, he kicks Thor's back with his heel and Thor moves away, letting Loki's softening cock slide from his mouth. Loki lets his legs fall and relax as he sits up on the desk. He stares down at Thor on his knees, lips parted and swollen red as he pants for air. There are traces of come in the corner of Thor's mouth and Loki barely restrains himself from dropping to his knees beside Thor and licking it off of him. 

Thor looks up and smiles at him and Loki scowls. He leans forward and grips Thor's stupid face in his hand and then pushes him backwards. Thor falls back onto his ass, but it's only to humor Loki, not because Loki pushed him particularly hard. Thor laughs and Loki can't help letting out a small laugh of his own. And though Loki knows better, the post-coital glow makes it all too easy to get caught up in Thor's jovial mood. Thor turns and sits down properly, letting his back rest against one of the desk legs. 

"Come down here, brother," Thor says and he pats the floor beside him. His voice sounds hoarse and Loki feels a secret thrill at the knowledge that _he_ is to blame for it. Loki grumbles, but he complies. His legs feel shaky and boneless as he sinks down to the floor next to Thor. They are both still breathing hard, fighting to catch their breaths and come down from the high. Loki rests his own back against the desk leg closest to Thor's. He looks over at Thor and Thor looks back at him, still flushed and sweating from the exertion. 

It reminds Loki of how glorious Thor always looked when returning from the training yards and Loki itches to bury his nose in Thor's neck and inhale his scent as he always wanted to then, but he resists.

 _Yes, but for how long?_ he thinks.

Because although Loki feels deliciously sated now, it's still not enough. He fears it will _never_ be enough, and then what? As much as he hates to admit it, _this_ is what his machinations have truly wrought: a lust that burns him from the inside out and a self-indulgence that may be his downfall if he is not careful. Having sex with Thor was supposed to exorcise these feelings. It was supposed to snuff them out, but instead every touch is more like fuel to the fire. How many nights this past month did he spend shamelessly stroking himself with Thor's name on his lips? And how badly does he ache now to just lean forward and lick the salty sweat from Thor's skin?

Loki sighs and rests his head back against the desk leg. It's only then that he truly has a moment to look around and take stock of the room. The concierge had referred to it as the Royal Suite, and Loki finds the name to be quite apt. It's almost as lavish as Loki's old chambers back in Asgard, although the warm reds and earth tones have far more in common with Thor's rooms. The room is elegant and luxurious. In the center there is a seating area with a plush white couch trimmed with gold, and a small table with red and gold brocade chairs. The floors are covered with thick, burgundy carpet that feels soft on Loki's bare skin. There are several lush, green plants around the room, all in finely moulded terra cotta pots.

Loki turns slightly and he can see the sliding glass doors that lead out to the balcony, and another door that he can only assume leads to the bedroom. Waning daylight filters through the floor to ceiling windows, giving them of beautiful view of the mosque's tall minaret.

Thor looks over at Loki and laughs, his eyes full of the kind of simple, stupid joy that Loki has never had the luxury of feeling.

"What?" Loki says.

Thor smiles and shakes his head. "It seems we have finally found something we're good at besides fighting."

"Idiot," Loki says, rolling his eyes. "Although I do suppose it's a better way to pass the time than any stupid outing that _you_ could dream up."

Some of the light dims in Thor's eyes and he sighs. "Is this the lie that you tell yourself, Loki? That this is little more than a way to pass the time?"

"And what else would it be, Thor?"

"Brother..."

"I am many things, but I am not your brother."

Thor starts to speak again, but Loki places his thumb in the corner of Thor's mouth, catching the little trace of come there. Loki looks Thor directly in the eye and then sucks his thumb slowly. Thor's breath hitches and though he glares at Loki, his eyes also darken with lust.

"This is not over, Loki," he says.

"Of course not," Loki replies, pushing himself forward and carding his fingers through Thor's sweat damp hair. "It's only the beginning." Loki's lips curve into a feral smile and then he pulls Thor into a crushing kiss.

***

  


They don't make it to the bed the second time either.

Instead they stumble into the bathroom and get into the jacuzzi, rinsing the sweat and come from each other's bodies. The bathroom is as gorgeous as the rest of the suite, light and airy and adorned with white marble and blue tile. It all reminds Loki of the baths in Asgard when they were young. After training sessions, they would stumble into the baths together and Loki would catch himself looking at Thor's body through the steam. He felt envious over the way Thor seemed so comfortable in his own skin when Loki always felt so awkward and _wrong._ He used to foolishly imagine that if he touched Thor, that sense of ease and confidence would somehow rub off on him.

The smell of sex is washed away by the sweet aroma of the cinnamon soap the hotel provided. Even still, Loki can't help but breathe in the scent that is uniquely Thor as they run soapy fingers all over each others' bodies. Thor's touch is firm yet gentle as he washes Loki's hair. Once they are clean they sit across from each other in the tub. Thor moves forward and reaches for Loki, but Loki moves too quickly and his slick skin slips just out of Thor's grasp. Thor grumbles at him and then snorts when Loki splashes water in his face. They both stand in the tub and stare at each other, water droplets dripping from their skin in rivulets. 

"Come here, Loki."

Loki smirks. "Make me."

Thor grins and moves forward, faking toward the left, but Loki is ready for this trick. Loki evades Thor one more time, but in truth he isn't trying very hard to move away. Thor reaches for him again and grabs him easily, his fingers a hot brand on Loki's forearm. Thor sits and pulls Loki into his lap until Loki is straddling him. Loki leans forward and runs his fingers through Thor's wet hair as they kiss languidly. The heat rises between them and Loki feels his cock start to grow hard again. As he pushes forward and grinds up against Thor, he can feel that Thor is much the same. They both moan when Thor reaches down, gripping their hard cocks in his hand beneath the water. Loki kisses Thor harder and pushes his hips up, encouraging Thor to stroke them both faster. 

He pulls away from the kiss and presses his lips into the shell of Thor's ear, whispering all his filthy fantasies from long ago. It seems that once they come filtering in, he is unable to stop them and for now Loki allows it because this is the last time. This is his last chance to have Thor and use him in every possible way, and he will not squander it. 

"Loki," Thor moans, his hand working furiously now. Loki gasps, biting his lips hard to hold back his own moans. He presses his forehead against Thor's and wishes he didn't see the tender look in Thor's eyes right before they both come. 

***

  


At last, Loki has Thor sprawled out on the massive, king-sized bed. Thor is a sight to behold, gloriously naked with skin that is still soft, flushed, and partially damp from the bath. Loki kneels between Thor's spread legs and looks down at him with a heated gaze. Silently, Thor returns the gaze and Loki can recognize his own lust mirrored in Thor's expression. This desire between them is so like a living thing with a mind of its own that for a moment Loki feels paralyzed. He feels the unmistakeable stab of fear that this is not something he can bend to his will. 

He doesn't dwell on it. Instead, he laughs as he runs his nails up and down Thor's thighs, making him shudder. Loki leans down and kisses Thor hard, their lips still reddened and swollen from all the kisses they shared in the bathroom.

But this isn't about sharing anything with Thor. Loki has a purpose here and he would do well not to forget it. 

Loki pulls away from the kiss and sits back up on his knees. He reaches down and presses 2 fingertips firmly against the pucker of Thor's hole, not enough to push inside but just enough to make their presence undeniable. He looks down at Thor, the question clear in his eyes. Thor nods at him and Loki feels a sense of relief, mixed with his own twisted need to claim Thor and possess him utterly. 

Everything they've done together has felt incredible, but this is the true prize. Though Loki has no such qualms about being taken, Thor is the golden son. Surely Thor will find it degrading to allow himself to be mounted by another man. It amuses Loki to see how easily Thor has given in, so eager in his desire to prove that he isn't as selfish and self-centered as Loki knows him to be. Loki uses his magic to create more lubricant and then slowly starts to work Thor open with slick, clever fingers. He cannot tear his eyes away from Thor, the hard length of his cock, the way his powerful thighs tense as he opens up so beautifully for Loki. 

They stare at each, both breathing hard and caught up in this push and pull between them. Loki can feel the intensity of Thor's gaze fall like a heavy weight upon him. When he feels that Thor is ready enough, Loki pulls his fingers out and wipes them on the dark blue bedspread. He conjures more slick and coats his cock with it liberally. 

"Thor?"

Thor's breath hitches. " _Yes._ Do it."

Loki doesn't hesitate. He has waited far too long for this.

"Ohh," Loki sighs as he slowly sinks his cock deep inside, inch by inch. Thor moans and rests his hands on Loki's hips, neither holding him back or pushing him forward. The tight, exquisite heat of Thor's body makes Loki just want to give in and rut mindlessly, but he restrains himself. It will be better for him - and worse for Thor - if he draws this out. If he takes Thor slow and deep and makes him feel every inch of Loki's cock. If he marks him, claims him, _ruins_ him from the inside out. 

Loki spends long minutes thrusting inside of Thor at a slow pace, the sweet agony making his muscles tense and the sweat drip down from his brow at the effort of restraining himself. He bites his lips, squeezes his eyes shut and sighs as he sinks as deep inside of Thor as he can go and _still_ he wants more. 

"Oh, _brother_ ," Thor moans and when Loki opens his eyes and looks down at him, he does not look distressed at all, only terribly aroused. Loki scowls.

 _Well, fine then_ , he thinks and then starts fucking Thor in earnest. The pleasure is intense, and he can't help the little grunts and gasps from escaping as he fucks Thor hard, takes him like he's always wanted to. Loki's thrusts are merciless, but Thor gives as good as he gets, arching his hips up and running his fingers all over Loki's body wherever they can reach.

And Thor... he looks so strong and powerful. He truly looks like a _god_ , filled with the kind of divine glory that Loki previously had only seen him display in the thick of battle. But then again, battle is not so different from this. That is the point of all this, after all. And so they cling to each other, fucking and fighting for dominance. Loki groans and fucks Thor harder, grappling for every bit of control he can because he knows that Thor has always been a physical creature.

It is _Loki's_ game, but they are in Thor's territory now, and Loki suddenly feels like he is at a disadvantage. He bites down on Thor's neck hard enough to make him howl because it seems that Thor just _never shuts up_. Every moan, every sensual movement of his body is whispering to Loki all the things he doesn't want to hear. It's just like September, only far, far worse. Their eyes lock and Loki cannot look away. It feels like time itself has ceased. It feels like everything has fallen away and there is nothing left in all the Nine Realms except for he and Thor in this moment. 

"Loki, _yes_ ," Thor moans and there is no shame in his expression. Despite Loki's best efforts, Thor welcomes this. Thor is not degraded by this. Neither of them are degraded by this, by _any_ of the sexual acts they have done. Instead, they are exalted by it, bound together in this silent communion. As Loki thrusts his cock deep inside Thor's body, he looks into Thor's eyes and feels closer to him than he has in years. Conflicting instincts war within him, one shouting at him to leave and the other wanting nothing more than to take everything Thor is giving him.

He doesn't even know which choice he'll make until he's suddenly kissing Thor roughly and fucking him faster. And he knows it's the foolish choice, but he has made it anyway. Perhaps it was really no choice at all. Perhaps it was made _for_ him the moment they walked into the hotel room.

Thor wraps his legs around Loki's hips and then pulls him even closer, enveloping Loki in his strong arms. Loki tangles his fingers in Thor's hair and buries his face in Thor's neck. He groans as his hips stutter in ragged, uncontrolled thrusts and he loses himself in the pleasure.

"Loki, _yes,_ harder," Thor moans, although Loki doesn't think it's physically possible for him to fuck Thor any harder than he already is. The headboard shakes as they move, the room filled with the sound of choked out moans and skin slapping against skin. Thor is steadily moaning and clawing at Loki's back, arching up to meet every thrust. They are both lost, immersed in this desperate give and take.

"Loki, _please,"_ Thor says in between moans. He grips Loki's hair and forces Loki to meet his eyes. Loki's eyes widen and he is seized by one, brief moment of terrifying clarity. Time stands still and all he can see and feel is Thor. All he can hear is that stupid, lingering part of him that whispers, _you could simply_ have _this if you would only take it_. 

" _Thor_... oh Thor, I..." but he closes his eyes and comes hard before he has to think about how that sentence might have ended. 

***

  


Afterwards, they lay on the bed side by side with Thor's strong arm flung across Loki's chest. He presses his face against Loki's neck and kisses it softly, his beard tickling the skin there. Thor's smell, his weight, his whole _presence_ seems to be invading Loki's senses. Thor practically radiates warmth and there's a part of Loki that just wants to just lay there and luxuriate in it. But if he stays there, he will suffocate in it and lose himself in Thor's shadow again. This is all little more than a pretty lie, and Loki knows very well that those are the hardest ones to let go of.

Loki closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, allowing himself just one more moment.

 _It's over now_. _We are done here._

Loki roughly pushes Thor's arm away. He sits up in bed and smooths his hair back with efficient, business-like movements.

"What are you doing?" Thor asks, reaching out to grab Loki's arm.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Loki says as he pulls away again. "I'm leaving."

Thor sits up in bed and looks at Loki with a determined gaze. "Loki. You cannot go yet, not until we have truly talked about this."

"You don't get to tell me what I can or can't do, Thor." Loki climbs out of the bed and begins walking into the living room. He is not surprised at all to hear Thor's heavy footsteps right behind him.

" _Loki_ ," Thor says. Loki waves a dismissive hand at Thor, but Thor catches it firmly in his own grip and won't let go until Loki turns to face him. Loki scowls and forces himself to look up at Thor's face because his nakedness is thoroughly distracting. Loki feels a sharp spike of anxiety because even after everything, he still _wants._ For the past month he's been wondering if he will ever be free of this... this _attachment_ to Thor. He fears that he might have his answer now and it stirs up a violence inside that makes him want to scream and raze this whole city to the ground. He stares at Thor and swallows these feelings down, there is no time for them now. He will finish what he set out to do and then he will be gone from here. 

"You cannot run from this anymore, brother. All day you have sought to distract me."

Loki smiles. "Yes, and it worked splendidly."

"It did not."

"Oh? And how is that?" Loki says as he crosses his arms over his chest because _this_ he has to hear. 

"You intended to push me away and yet we spent the day in each others' arms. You allowed me to get closer to you than you have in years and you offered me intimacies you never have before."

"Only in your foolish mind could simple, meaningless sex be construed as 'intimacies'," Loki says, but his cruel laughter is missing some of its bite. 

Thor sighs and shakes his head. "You think to hide and pretend that this is all a game. But I see you, brother. You have ever been my focus, today and all of the other days we have spent together these past months. If you succeeded in distracting anyone it was yourself, not I."

Loki glares at him, but Thor continues on undeterred. 

"I looked into your eyes, Loki, and I know what I saw there. In this, you cannot hide from me."

Loki laughs and turns away from Thor because that sick, panicky feeling is returning and he must find a way to steady himself. He reaches down to pick up his clothes, but then he remembers that Thor tore them to shreds before fucking him on the desk. Loki magics himself a new black suit and runs his fingers over the lapels, adjusting the clothing as if it's protective armor. Thor has a look of surprise on his face when Loki magics him a new pair of clothes too, a perfect replica of what he was wearing earlier. It is not out of kindness of course, but rather to keep Thor's damned nakedness from further distracting him.

"I thought... I thought I could make you understand this way, through touch. But that is my way, not yours, and so we will have words, brother."

Loki taps his foot impatiently. "The time is ticking away, Thor. If you wish to have words you had best do it now."

Thor pauses and stares at Loki for a long moment. "Loki, I love you," he says, and Loki shakes head because in true Thor fashion, it looks like he's just going to dive right in.

"You know that I am a straightforward man and that I prefer to speak plainly. So I will say this: there is no one that I cherish more than you. There is nothing and no one that could ever make me stop fighting to have you return to me." 

"You are a fool, Thor. There can be no returning to anything." 

"I know this," Thor implores him. "But if we cannot go back, we can go forward. Together."

"This is completely ridiculous."

"Loki," Thor sighs. "I am not a fool. I know that nothing between is ever easy, brother."

"Well, that's certainly an understatement," Loki says sarcastically. 

"But you are..." Thor swallows, his expression earnest and filled with emotion, "you are my _heart_ , Loki. There is a bond between us and though it is not by blood, it is forged in kinship and time and love." 

Loki scoffs and turns away, but Thor moves until he is in Loki's line of sight again.

"You seek to break what cannot be broken, what should _never_ be broken, when you know that running from this only causes us both pain. And if you desire to wound me I cannot stop you, but I would not have you hurt yourself as well in the process."

And maybe it's the sex or just the fact that he's had to listen to this kind of tripe for _months_ now, but somehow it's different this time. Loki feels shaken, unsteady and seized with something that feels suspiciously like desperation. And from that rises the primal urge to lash out at Thor, to injure him, claw at him, _anything_ to just make him stop talking. He feels the panic overcome him and twist him up inside until the words begin to spill out like bitter bile. 

"Silence!" Loki yells, all clenched fists and muscles tight with fury. "Just _stop_."

"Loki, I don't understand-"

"Oh, what a surprise!" Loki says as he runs his fingers through his hair in irritation. "You understand _nothing_ and you never listen."

"How can I listen when you only speak in riddles?" Thor says, brow furrowed with frustration. "You bury your true meanings down below where no one can find them. You _want_ me to fail and then you blame me for my failure!"

Loki is the God of Lies, but he knows full well that sometimes the truth can hurt worse than any lie ever could. 

"Fine," he says flatly, "you want truth and so you shall have it. Far be it for me to deny the golden prince of Asgard who has always had everything handed to him."

"Loki, that is hardly fair-"

"Don't you dare talk to me about what is _fair_ , Thor." Loki swallows hard, his throat burning with barely restrained rage. "Let me tell you about _love_ ," he spits out. "It does not matter how many times you tell me you love me. What you always fail to grasp, Thor, is that your 'love' is borne out of selfishness. It is always about _you_. _"_

Thor shakes his head emphatically. "This is but another lie, Loki."

"Is it now?" Loki laughs humorlessly. "We all know how this little story goes: The Mighty Thor Odinson swoops in and saves his mad, weakling brother, returning to Asgard and restoring the family honor. I'm sure the skalds of Asgard will be lining up to tell tales of your latest victory."

Thor's eyes are bright and filled with hurt. "Loki-"

" _No_ ," Loki says and he hates the little quaver in his voice, hates that Thor still has the power to reduce him to this.

"We are not brothers, Thor, either by blood or by bond. You only seek to fill the hole in your life where 'brother' should go. Loyal and devoted and heeling to your side like a _dog_ , begging for scraps of affection. I am more than that. I am different and separate from you," Loki says, his eyes smoldering with anger.

Thor looks at Loki imploringly, seeming to be at a loss as to what to say. "Loki, I..." Thor starts, but he pauses as waves of hurt and confusion wash over his face. "How can you say ... do you truly _believe_ that-"

"And _you_...." Loki interrupts, pointing an accusing finger at Thor, "you would force me back down into your shadow, not for my own sake, but for your own peace of mind."

Thor's expression is stormy, his face pinched in a deep frown. "You are not nor have you ever been my shadow. You are my _brother_."

"Your 'brother' is dead," Loki says, his voice dripping with venom. "He never even existed in the first place. Your time is up, Thor. Now give me my half."

"No, Loki _wait_ ," Thor says, his voice rising. 

Loki feels like he's practically vibrating with adrenaline, but he schools his features enough to fix Thor with an icy glare. "You told me you left last month because any more of my time was not yours to take. Did you speak the truth, or will you prove yourself to be an oathbreaker now?"

Thor flinches as if Loki has struck him. His lips are a hard line as he stalks across the room and picks up his bag and pulls the apple out. His body is a study in tension as he cuts it in half with small knife. He returns to Loki, the apple sitting like an offering in his outstretched hand. Loki reaches out to snatch the apple. Although Thor allows it, he also grips Loki's wrist hard to prevent him from slipping away just yet and looks him directly in the eye.

"Before you leave, just answer me this: will I see you next month?"

"I suppose you will just have to wait and see," Loki says. He snatches the half apple from Thor's hand and then he is gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes October. November is a big chapter for Thor and will be from his POV. 
> 
> There's only going to be 2 more updates for this story, the November chapter and then I'm planning to post the December chapter and the Epilogue will be posted together. There's also a fanmix in the works. Thank you to everyone who is still reading, you guys are amazing. I can't believe that we're this close to the end!


	11. November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took forever, but since it's the last Thor POV chapter (besides the Epilogue which sort of doesn't count), I wanted to give him a nice send off. 
> 
> I also want to say a big thank you to claricechiarasorcha for being my virtual New Zealand tour guide. I'm sure I probably got some things wrong in the end, but her help was invaluable on this chapter. <3
> 
> Also, there's a little bastardized Scandinavian folklore here so just go with it, hehe.
> 
> Here we go!

  


_Queenstown, New Zealand_

It's a Thursday morning and Thor sits on a bench in the heart of downtown Queenstown, a quaint little town nestled into the shore of Lake Wakatipu. The bright sun peeks through a slightly overcast sky and the snowy peaks of an impressive mountain range rise in the distance. It's springtime and though it isn't truly cold, there's a strong wind coming through that makes Thor zip up his light jacket a little higher. He pulls down the brim of his plain, black baseball cap a little lower. Thor is modestly dressed in the customary jeans and t-shirt he wears to his meetings with Loki, and the square is busy and filled with people. Between these two factors, he hopes that it will be enough to remain inconspicuous while he waits.

Thor knows that Loki may find it presumptuous that he has chosen to meet on a Thursday, but when Thor awoke that morning it just felt _right_. Though Thor has never had a head for magic, he understands that names have power. Maybe it's foolish, but he feels there's power here on his nameday. He has a sense that it will somehow imbue him with greater strength and fortitude, for he surely needs them today. There are many things that he needs to say to Loki.

That is, if Loki comes at all. Thor has already been waiting for an hour and there is no sign of his brother yet. A part of him wishes he had planned ahead better and given himself enough time to make a brief trip to Asgard first. Sif and the Warriors Three had come to Midgard for a visit and Sif had passed along a letter from Frigga. Apparently his mother wished to speak to him about something, but she had indicated that there was no rush and that he should continue to "attending to his affairs" on Midgard. He smiles at the memory of her letter, appreciating the coded encouragement to not give up on trying to reconcile with Loki. 

Thor exhales and settles his weight back into the bench, resigning himself to what could be a very long wait. He looks up and sees a young couple walk by hand and hand. It's a wonder that they don't trip over anything as they walk because it's clear that they only have eyes for each other. Thor sighs and watches them wistfully because it makes him long for Loki that much more. It's been a long time since they were so easy with each other, although there were flashes of their old playfulness when they made love in Casablanca. Thor smiles softly to himself as he remembers the sight of Loki in the hot tub, skin pleasantly flushed and the lean muscles of his body glistening through the steam. He remembers the sound of Loki's mischievous laughter when he splashed Thor, how his eyes were bright with both mirth and desire, and for once without the usual undercurrent of malice.

And the sex... the sex had been nothing short of incredible and Thor feels the heat in his cheeks rising at the very thought of it. Although he knew Loki had ulterior motives in inviting Thor into his bed, to finally have his brother had thrilled Thor to no end. Thor licks his lips at the memory of the way they moved together in a shared passion that was intense and all-consuming. It was as if they were both caught up in the thrill of battle, except that for the first time in years they were fighting on the same side. Thor only wishes he could have found a way to make it last because despite Loki's deflections and denials, it wasn't just meaningless sex. It _meant_ something to him, just as it did to Thor. In those stolen moments, Thor felt like he had somehow slipped past Loki's defenses and that he could see right through into the heart of him.

Despite all the ways that they experienced each other, Thor still feels like he only got a mere taste. Two days could never be enough to make up for several lifetimes worth of restraint. Though Thor has lain with men before, those encounters were nothing compared to what it felt like to have Loki inside him. He wanted to give Loki everything he had to offer and Loki had taken it, _relished_ in it even. Thor shudders pleasantly at the thought of Loki kissing him, touching him, stretching Thor wide and pushing his cock as deep as he could go. It was mesmerizing, the sight of Loki taking his pleasure and giving it back to Thor in return. 

From Loki's actions, Thor could tell that he viewed it as a power struggle and that he meant to shame Thor somehow. But as Thor had told Loki, he saw sex between them as an act of love and he would always stand by that statement. He remembers the moment when Loki finally realized that there was nothing shameful about what they were doing. The mask had dropped and sweat dripped down from Loki's brow as his expression grew slack with pleasure. His eyes had been filled with fear, but also a painful yearning. There was so much hurt within Loki and Thor wanted nothing more than to take it from him, to rid his brother of this poison. So Thor had pushed his hips back against Loki's and took him deep inside, as if he could take all that pain and transmute it into something golden. 

He likes to think that maybe he even succeeded, if only for a few moments. Thor takes a deep breath and gazes upwards, and it's oddly fitting that he still can't tell if it's going to rain or not. The sky is uncertain and tempermental, just like Loki's moods. Perhaps it would have been better to talk instead of having sex again, but what's done is done and Thor cannot say that he truly regrets it. He only hopes that Loki will still come today and that he hasn't blown what very well could have been his last opportunity to finally reach his brother.

Because Thor knows what Loki has been up to this whole time, or at least he has very strong suspicions. It all started in September when Loki brought Thor to his home, which was a surreal experience in and of itself. Thor had struggled to take it in as much as possible, desperate to see what kind of life his brother lived when they were apart. He didn't know what he had expected to see, but the reality had given him hope. The house, the garden, the little black cat... it all suited Loki so well, and Thor was glad to see that Loki had some softness in his life.

As curious as he was about Loki's home, after they had gone inside Thor had no care for anything except the feel of Loki's body finally pressed against his. But there was one lingering image in the back of his mind that he couldn't quite shake. He had to know, had to see for himself. However, Thor wasn't sure about the nature of the spells that Loki was working with. Was his banishment from Loki's home truly predicated on him leaving its boundaries, or would he simply be teleported away once the 10 hours were up? He later found out that it was the former and even now, he shivers a bit at the memory of being banished to the frozen wastes of Antarctica. He couldn't say he was truly surprised at Loki sending him there, but he also didn't appreciate his brother's twisted sense of humor in this.

But before all of that, Loki had looked so peaceful there in the early morning light, his expression slack and relaxed with sleep. Although Thor is not a seer, for a few moments he wasn't sure if it was real or some kind of strange vision of what could be. Thor had wanted nothing more than to stay there tangled in the sheets, to wrap his arms around Loki and breathe in his scent. But though it pained him, he forced himself to leave the warm cocoon of Loki's bed. He knew what his brother was like. When he woke, he would not welcome Thor there. He would lash out in rage after having allowed himself to be seen so vulnerable. If Thor overstayed, Loki might even use that as grounds to end their bargain once and for all, and that was something Thor could not allow. Loki needed time and space and Thor would do his best to provide them.

With a few minutes to spare (and the little black cat following curiously at his heels), Thor had gone into Loki's garden. It was there that he could better examine what had caught his eye the first time. Despite Loki's constant claims that Thor is self-absorbed and arrogant, Thor is still a warrior and has been trained to notice the smallest details, especially in a strange environment he perceives as hostile.

Although they were partially hidden by a few other trees and plants, when Thor finally stood before them it was unmistakable: 3 small trees heavy with golden apples. Idunn's apples gave off... a particular kind of energy. These ones had emitted something similar, but darker and twisted somehow. However, Thor is no sorcerer. For all he knows, there's nothing special about the apples at all, and the presence of apple trees in Loki's garden then was mere coincidence. But Thor knows that few things are simple coincidences when it comes to Loki. And so Thor had circled around the trees and taken a good look, but he didn't dare touch them. He didn't know what kinds of wards Loki might have placed upon them and he didn't care to find out.

This knowledge has put Thor into a difficult position and he has spent the last 2 months wrestling over what to do with it. There is just still so much that he doesn't know and so he has tried to be cautious, to watch and wait. Has Loki been successful with his experiments since the last time they met? And if he has, will he decline to show up at all today or will he come anyway just to gloat? If Loki does come, this could very well be the last time. The stakes have never been higher and it makes Thor feel deeply unsettled. But as the sun shines down on him, his dark mood starts to lift and he can't help a small chuckle from escaping. From anyone else, he would say it's impossible to replicate Idunn's golden apples. But from Loki? Anything is possible and though it worries him, Thor cannot help but be impressed by his brother's sheer nerve.

Maybe it will end up being a terrible mistake, but in the end Thor decides to hold his tongue. If he tells Loki his suspicions now, it will only stir up more discord between them. Loki will panic and think that Thor will want to end or alter their agreement. He will think that Thor will use this knowledge as a way to manipulate him or lord power over him, but that is not why Thor began this bargain in the first place. For that there are but 2 simple reasons: he wishes to see Loki and spend time with him, and he wishes for Loki to live. What Loki fails to understand is that Thor would gladly sacrifice the former for the latter. 

It's late morning now and the square is busy with the hustle and bustle of people getting ready for whatever activities they have planned for the day. The area Thor is seated in is known as the Queenstown Mall and is filled with all manner of shops and restaurants. Thor briefly considers wandering off to explore, but he worries that if he leaves his post Loki won't be able to find him. Instead he fiddles with his bag, making sure that the apple is still inside even though he's already checked several times. 

Thor has spent a long time thinking about what Loki said in October. Although Loki had told many lies, there were enough grains truth in Loki's words that Thor can still feel their residual sting. Thor is not a perfect person by any means, neither of them are. And sometimes he _has_ taken Loki for granted or overlooked him. When he thinks back on those times, he cringes and is filled with regret. But those moments of carelessness do not paint a complete picture. 

Loki latches onto these slights because he doesn't know how to accept that Thor genuinely loves him, not for what he is but for _who_ he is. In Loki's self-hatred, he starts to believe his own lies. He layers them with just enough truth that the wounded part of him latches onto it, letting it grow and fester and never letting it truly heal. 

Thor inhales and breathes in the fresh morning air. Loki is constantly testing him and it is both frustrating and exhausting. But Thor will see this through to the end, no matter where it leads them.

***

  


"Brother!" Thor says, smiling broadly.

"Thor," Loki says, and even though his expression is sour, it's still just so good to see him. Loki is dressed in a light grey sweater with a black, leather jacket over it, the ensemble completed with a green scarf that brings out the color of his eyes. It's almost jarring to see Loki so put together like this when just a month ago, Thor saw him all disheveled and stripped bare in more ways than one. He wants to make a mess of Loki again, to reveal the passion that's buried just underneath the surface of his cool exterior. But now is not the time for that. Thor has tried that for the past 2 months and although it has definitely gained him progress, it has not pushed things as far as he wishes them to go. 

"I'm glad that you're here."

"Well, a deal is a deal."

Thor nods. "Indeed it is."

Loki rolls his eyes and then waves a hand to cast his concealing enchantment on them once more. Before Loki can steal it away, Thor takes off his hat and slips it into his bag. 

"Ah, I see I have trained you well," Loki says. 

Thor laughs and shakes his head. "Come now, brother. We have much to do." Thor starts to walk away, but he stops and turns back when he realizes that Loki is not following him. 

Loki eyes him suspiciously. "Really?"

"Really what?"

"That's it then? No flowery language, no empty declarations of love or sentimental appeals for me to return to Asgard? I hate to say it, Thor, but I'm almost disappointed." 

"I have many things to say to you, brother. But not now, not until you are ready to listen to sense."

There is a brief flash of anger in Loki's eyes and then it melts away into something cold and calculated. "Very well then," he says and he smiles as if Thor has presented him with a challenge and he has accepted it. 

They spend the next few hours wandering around the town, seeing the sights and ducking in and out of the little shops. They go down to the waterfront a take a walk along the docks and then on to the more wooded areas, weaving in between tall pine trees. Loki seems content with the silence at first, a little smirk fixed on his face as if he's just waiting for Thor to crack. But Thor doesn't. He speaks of what they see and the little bits and details he has learned about this place. He asks after Loki's cat again, curious about how the little creature is doing. But that is all. As they wander, Loki's expression goes drawn and pinched and he looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

Thor feels as if he's walking on a knife-edge and could go teetering off at any moment. But as the time passes and he observes Loki, he grows more confident. If Loki's project had succeeded and he only came here to gloat, he would have gone by now. Thor has time, and time is what they both need more than anything. Every hour that Loki spends in Thor's presence is an hour that he can't run away from the way he feels.

Though he told Loki he would only speak about what happened between them when Loki was ready to see sense, the delay is also for his own benefit. Even now he is struggling internally, trying to think of the right words to say, especially after having come so close in October. Thor will never forget the look on Loki's face when he was buried to the hilt inside him, one of intense love and a painful, soul-deep longing. And Thor had spoken to Loki and soothed him with his body because where Thor's words were clumsy, his touch was not. 

"This is all very well and good," Loki says once they've sat down for a late lunch at a local bar and grill, "but is this truly all you had in mind for the day? Wandering around some quaint little Midgardian town? I thought you wanted to have words," he says sarcastically. "So please, Thor, go ahead and regale me with your wisdom."

"In due time," Thor says, and then takes a big bite of his steak. Loki rolls his eyes and then takes a bite of his own steak, glaring at Thor and chewing aggressively. When the meal is done, they walk through the Queenstown Mall again and head into a small sandwich shop. Thor goes up to the counter and buys two huge sandwiches loaded with meat and cheese and a couple bottles of water. 

"Why are you getting more food?" Loki asks suspiciously. "Haven't you stuffed your face enough?"

"We will need provisions," Thor says as he starts to shove the food into his bag.

"For?"

"Why, for our journey of course!"

Thor grins and Loki pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a long-suffering sigh.

***

  


They leave the restaurant and head to a car rental place and pick up the charcoal gray, mid-sized SUV that Thor has reserved. He motions for Loki to get into the car and though Loki grumbles at him, he complies. Thor throws his bag into the back and then slides into the driver's seat. He starts the car and they head off on the highway, leaving Queenstown behind them. 

It will take a few hours, but this road will lead them on to the Milford Road and finally to their destination, Milford Sound. Thor has heard that the fiord is breathtaking, a stunning mix of steep mountainsides, lush rainforests, and hundreds of little waterfalls that cascade down the sheer cliff faces when it rains. Although he looks forward to seeing the fiord's beauty, it's the journey there that he is most interested in. He has heard it is one of the most beautiful drives in all of Midgard and he wants to share it with Loki.

Thor remembers his many quests and journeys with Loki when they were young, and he hopes to invoke the spirit of those times today. There were many times that Sif and the Warriors Three would accompany them on these adventures, but other times it was just the two of them. Out on the road, Loki was different. He was more open somehow, they both were. For a time, they could be free of the trappings of Asgard and their roles as princes. They traveled by day and slept in caves by night. Thor would laugh as Loki told him funny tales and let magical fire dance idly on his finger tips. And sometimes - before their disastrous second kiss - their eyes would meet across the fire light and Thor's breath would hitch at the sight of Loki's fey beauty. In the end they would both look away, neither one willing to make the first move. They used to go away for weeks, or sometimes months at a time depending on how much trouble they got into, but he only has 10 hours today. Every moment counts.

Which is why Thor finds himself so frustrated at being stuck behind a massive campervan that seems to be moving at a snail's pace. The road only has one lane in either direction and so there is nothing to do but be patient. 

"Things not going as planned?" Loki says, his voice tinged with laughter. Thor briefly wonders if Loki is responsible for the campervan's slow pace, but this is a pointless train of thought. Even if he were, he would never say.

"We will be able to pass them eventually," Thor says. 

"Perhaps. Or I could... _deal_ with them, if you prefer."

"Do not jest, brother," Thor says, briefly giving Loki a dark look. 

"Calm down, Thor," Loki says, raising his hands up in mock innocence, "I won't hurt any of your precious mortals today, no matter how dull they are."

Thor grunts and turns his attention back to the road and he's pleased to see the campervan turn off at the next exit, leaving the road clear for them. Thor grins and then turns and looks at Loki.

"Do you know what they call this road, brother?"

"No, what?" Loki asks, humoring him.

"The Devil's Staircase," Thor says, and then he guns the engine. The road lies between a sheer cliff face on one side and the shimmering water of Lake Wakatipu on the other. Rays of sunlight peek through the gray and Thor can see the reflection of snow capped mountains on the lake's surface. He smiles as they fly down the road, following its twists and curves.

"Do you mean to kill us Thor?" Loki says petulantly, not that a car crash could do anything more than bang them up a little. Thor has no intention of crashing the car today, having one car crash on his hands is more than enough. Before Clint and Natasha had taught Thor to ride a motorcycle in Vietnam, Tony had thought it would be funny to teach Thor to drive a car. He did not find it quite so amusing when his fancy car ended up wrapped around a tree, but Thor supposes they both learned some valuable lessons that day. 

Thor lets out a snort of laughter. "Of course not. I only mean for us to have a little fun. Surely even _you_ can appreciate that, brother."

Even though the air is thick with tension now and the past year has been so difficult, it's still a vast improvement. Just like on their old trips, there's something about getting away from Asgard that makes it easier for them to connect. Thor periodically looks over at Loki, who is leaning his head against the window and sullenly looking out at the scenery. It has begun to rain and the water droplets that fall against the window look like tears reflecting on Loki's pale face.

Loki has much to answer for, but Thor understands now that he will never have any hope of success if he frames his efforts around Loki returning to Asgard. At least for the past decade, the only feelings Loki has expressed toward Asgard are hatred and contempt for all the times he felt looked down upon and slighted. 

"Watch the road, you idiot," Loki says after the car zips around a few particularly twisty curves. 

"Calm yourself, Loki," Thor teases him. Loki rolls his eyes and gazes out the window again.

 _When did things go wrong?_ Thor wonders. He still wishes he had been there when Loki learned the truth about his heritage. To this day, Thor is still not clear on exactly what Odin said to Loki, but clearly it wasn't sufficient and they are all living with the consequences of it. Although it's far too late now, Thor likes to imagine that if he was there he could have changed things. He could have pulled Loki back from the edge then instead of forever being haunted by the image of his brother falling from the Bifrost. Or he could have convinced Loki that they were still his family. Instead Loki separates himself from them and renounces them because he feels that he was only a pawn to be manipulated for Odin's own ends. Odin's pawn, Laufey's son, Thor's brother. Always belonging to everyone except himself. 

None of this excuses Loki's actions of course. Beyond all the roles he has played, both willingly and unwillingly, Loki is just Loki. He is a god, but he is also man who is capable of both good and ill. Thor will continue to fight him if he has to, but he'll never be able to strike the killing blow because he accepts the truth that Loki cannot see. He loves Loki too much to live in a world without him.

"What?" Loki says in an annoyed voice, noticing that Thor has still been watching him from the corner of his eye.

"Nothing," Thor says, and he keeps driving.

***

  


After a couple of hours in the car, they stop in Te Anau, a little town on the shore of a lake by the same name. Since the rain has let up for the time being, Thor grabs his bag from the backseat and they get out and take a walk along the lake's shore. The lake is massive but the water is calm, all serene and peaceful. Thor looks out and sees a few boats floating out in the distance and the majestic rise of the towering mountains beyond. The land itself is littered with a sprinkling of trees, bushes, and ferns. A few other tourists wander around the lakeside and little birds hop along near the water's edge.

"Great, yet another walk," Loki says sarcastically. "Today has been most riveting."

"Hush now, brother. How can you look upon this land and not find it riveting?" Thor says, gesturing around them. 

Loki laughs. "I have never known you to value quiet and tranquility."

"Maybe not," Thor says. "But I have grown to see the value of reflection."

Loki looks at him shrewdly. "Perhaps you have," he says, but then he falls silent once more.

They find a bench and sit down side by side. Thor opens his bag and pulls out the sandwiches and water, handing Loki his. Loki frowns, but he accepts the offering. They both begin to eat, gazing out at the lake before them. 

"A picnic, Thor? Really?"

Thor shrugs and smiles before taking another bite of his sandwich. 

"You truly do have the most foolish ideas," Loki says.

"I beg to differ, Loki. I have been known to have many good ideas in my time."

Loki shakes his head and looks out on the lake again. He takes a sip of his water and then his lips slowly curve up into a wicked smile.

"You think that _you_ have good ideas?" Loki says, raising an eyebrow at Thor. "Have you forgotten the bäckahäst?"

"Oh no," Thor groans, putting his head in his hands at the memory.

"Oh yes," Loki says, his mischievous smile broadening. It's an embarrassing story, one Thor would rather forget (if Loki would only let him). It happened years ago during one of their many travels together. They had ventured to Alfheim and stopped to rest by a lake, much like they have today. The Light Elves had always been known for their magical prowess and their lands were filled with all manner of mythical creatures. Truly, Thor should have known better.

A beautiful, white horse had appeared to them and Thor had been fascinated by the creature. Loki warned Thor to be careful and that all was not as it seemed, but Thor was headstrong and paid him no mind. He was determined to tame the creature. The horse was a magnificent beast and would be a fine mount to bring back to Asgard and show off the fruits of his exploits.

"If anyone else saw a strange, magical horse appear, they would be wary. They would be _careful_. But no, not the Mighty Thor. You had to try and ride it immediately."

Thor laughs, a wry grin on his face. "It was not my best decision," he admits. The horse was truly a bäckahäst, a water spirit that tricked people into riding it, only to jump into a lake and drown its rider. Had Thor not been so reckless, he wouldn't have had to learn this the hard way.

"That beast would have killed you had I not used my magic to break its hold on you."

"You could have freed me _before_ it jumped into the lake with me stuck to its back."

Loki smirks. "Yes, but then you would have learned nothing."

Thor scowls, but there is no real anger in it. He has missed this kind of simple bickering between them and will do what he can to keep it up.

"Although you are not innocent of recklessness either, Loki. Remember the nøkken?"

This time it's Loki's turn to scowl and Thor's turn to laugh. The nøkken was another type of water creature they had encountered in their journeys. It had appeared to them as a handsome young man standing in a lake full of water lilies. He played the most hauntingly beautiful music on a harp, all meant to seduce a victim close enough for him to drown them.

"It's hardly the same thing, Thor," Loki says peevishly. "I was only playing along with it to get close enough to steal one of those water lilies. You know I needed one for a spell."

Thor laughs and shakes his head. "You vastly underestimated that creature, brother. He surely would have drowned you."

Loki drinks more of his water and then sighs in annoyance. "I knew what I was doing. All I needed to do was say his name and then he would have had to release me."

"Ah," Thor says, "and I'm sure that would have been quite easy to do with your lungs full of water."

"Oh, so now you think yourself a jester."

Thor laughs again and takes a big bite of his sandwich. As he chews, he remembers that fear of almost losing Loki that day and his expression turns somber. He doesn't like to think about what could have happened if he wasn't there. This is yet another reason why Thor hates the distance that has grown between them. They should be there for each other always, watching each others' backs. 

Thor looks out at the water wistfully. "I will never forget the adventures of our youth. We saw so much, saved each other so many times."

Loki's expression darkens and he stares at Thor for several moments. "That was a lifetime ago and it has been a long time since we've been on an adventure together. Never forget that," he says sharply. "And furthermore, I have been without your aid for several years now and I have not missed it. I have been quite fine without it."

 _No, you have not_ , Thor doesn't say.

"What do you call these past months then, if not an adventure?"

Loki rolls his eyes. "Well, I suppose that's _one_ way of looking at it."

"Come now, brother, surely you must admit that you have enjoyed some of our activities. The last two months alone have been..." Thor trails off and his eyes meet Loki's in a heated gaze. For a moment, Thor thinks they might even lean in and kiss each other, but Loki seems to remember himself and he looks away. 

***

  


They stop at a petrol station to refuel and then they're off again, finally out on the Milford Road itself. The landscape is spectacular and Thor can see why so many Midgardians have made this journey. As they travel on, the sky opens up and a drizzling rain starts again, raindrops falling in a gentle tattoo against the windshield. As they get closer to the Homer Tunnel that will lead them to their final destination, the scenery begins to change and the road is surrounded on both sides by tall beech trees. Thor feels himself start to smile. He is out here on a journey with his brother once again at his side, and he cannot help but feel happiness at this. For all that remains unsaid between them, the day has been almost... pleasant. Perhaps it's the shared memories or the almost-kiss by the lake, but things have seemed to settle between them for the time being. Thor feels hopeful that when they reach the Milford Sound, he will find the right words to say and that Loki will actually be in a mood where he's able to listen.

Of course, as soon as that thought enters Thor's mind, things take a turn for the worse. 

Loki starts tapping his knuckles on his window in a way that looks absent-minded but is really anything but. The sound is loud and grating as it echoes through the car, and Thor wonders if Loki might be using his magic to amplify it. 

"Must you do that?" 

"Do what?"

Thor sighs. "You know what I speak of."

"Oh this?" Loki says, and he begins tapping even louder.

It reminds Thor of an incident when they were younger. Loki was angry with Thor for interrupting him and ruining a spell, so he had decided to enact his revenge. That evening when Thor had gone to sleep, there was a horrible tapping noise that would not go away. When Thor would get up to investigate and try to root out the cause it would stop, only to start up again the moment he laid back down in bed. ("Sleep well?" Loki had asked the next day, seeming terribly pleased with himself. Thor had taken a swing at him then, but Loki was too quick and Thor was too tired for the blow to land.)

"I'm bored, Thor. What do you expect me to do?" Loki says, and the tapping continues. After all they've gone through today, Thor finds it incredibly annoying that it's this small thing that's starting to get under his skin. It isn't so much the sound itself, but also the way Loki is sprawled in his seat with such casual arrogance. Loki is clearly toying with him now, and for all Thor knows he could have been doing so the entire time.

"Stop it."

"No."

"Loki," Thor warns, looking over to glare at him.

Loki lets out a very put-upon sigh. "Alright, I'll stop. But only if we find a way to make things more interesting. Hmm..." he says, stroking his chin, "how about I tell you a story?"

Thor feels a spike of dread shoot through him. "I do not care for your stories, brother."

"And I do not care for your little adventures, so I suppose we're even," Loki says, and Thor doesn't even need to glance over at him because he can hear the smirk in Loki's words.

"Besides, it's rather uncharitable of you to say you don't care for my stories. I remember a time when you were quite fond of them."

Thor does too. Loki has always been a gifted storyteller and Thor remembers a great many feasts where Loki would regale them all with one of his tales. His words could be melodic and lyrical or clever and sharp in equal measure. With just a simple change in his tone, he could bring an audience to laughter or tears. Thor had always felt so proud of Loki in those moments, pleased to see his brother so confident and in his element.

Thor sighs. "Very well then. What is this story you speak of?"

"It's really quite simple."

Thor frowns. If he had a coin for every time Loki's trickery began with those words he would have enough gold to fill Asgard's coffers for centuries.

"It is a story of two brothers," Loki says and his voice is sweet and pleasant, overly so. Thor can hear the malicious undertones in it and it makes him wary. 

"I do not think I like this story, Loki."

"Oh come now, Thor," Loki complains, "you haven't even given it a chance!"

"Fine," Thor grumbles.

"Ah, very good," Loki says, voice brightening again. "Now as I was saying, it's a story about two brothers. For the purposes of this tale, let's call them… Light and Shadow."

"Loki..."

"No no, it's a wonderful story, I assure you," Loki says and Thor finds himself less reassured than ever. "Light and Shadow lived in a beautiful kingdom, ruled over by a feeble old King. Though it was not often said openly, everyone knew which brother the King favored." 

Thor gives Loki a sharp look, but then he turns his eyes back to the road as it curves. 

"One day, the brothers ventured to the land of Ice and Snow, a terrible place filled with foul monsters. Light sought to slay them with brute force, but this was a foolish and arrogant plan that would cause more harm than good." Loki's tone falters for a moment and becomes harsh, but then quickly returns to its cheerful tenor once more. 

"The King was not pleased and so Light was sent away for a time. But it was not a true punishment because the King had always coddled Light and nothing would change that. The King had not the will to teach Light himself so he sent him to a place where he could learn his lesson, much like a nursemaid sending a naughty child to his room."

Thor can feel his rage building like an oncoming storm and he grips the steering wheel tight to keep himself under control. He looks over and glares at Loki, who seems quite pleased with himself. Loki's words truly are his greatest weapon and Thor can feel their sting vibrating into his very core. He finds himself wishing he'd never agreed to hearing this story because no matter how much progress they seem to make, it always comes back down to this hurt and bitterness that Loki can't let go of.

"And what of Shadow, you say?" Loki continues on undeterred. "Well, Shadow figured out a clever way to destroy all of the monsters at once without the warriors of their own kingdom shedding a single drop of blood."

"It was not so simple and you know it, Loki," Thor says, glowering at Loki again. Although to be fair, Loki _did_ warn him that this was a "simple" story and for once he was telling the truth. He has reduced everything down to black and white, when the truth is so much messier and more complicated. 

" _I_ am the storyteller here, Thor," Loki says coldly before continuing on in his cloying tone. "As I said, Shadow came up with a solution to the problem. And what did it get him? Distrust. Disloyalty."

Thor clenches his teeth in frustration. "Sif and the Warriors Three only did what-"

"Distrust. _Disloyalty_."

"That is not what-"

"Oh and how would you know, Thor?" Loki says angrily, all pleasantries gone from his voice. "You were not there."

"Because of _your_ actions!"

"Oh, and I suppose _your_ actions played no part in this."

Thor has turned the full brunt of his glare on Loki now. "You sought to kill a whole race!" Thor says, taking one hand off of the wheel to shake his fist at Loki.

"As did you," Loki says venomously.

"Yes, and I was _wrong_."

"Oh, and isn't that just..." Loki trails off. He pauses and then his expression goes from angry to concerned, but Thor is too far gone to care. "Thor will you-"

"Why must you always-"

"Thor, you great fool! Pay attention to-"

"Not _now_ , Loki, I'm trying to-"

And it's then that Thor truly turns his attention back to the road to find that he has driven into the other lane and is about to smash into an oncoming car. He turns the steering wheel hard and though the car swerves back to the other side, it goes too far and they find themselves driving off of the road and hurtling down into a thick mass of trees. The car careens down the hill and then there's the hard, sickening crunch of metal and glass as it smashes head first into a tree. Thor can feel the seatbelt digging into his skin hard as he is jolted forward, his face connecting with the quickly deployed airbag. The car alarm blares loudly, echoing through the forest. The hood of the car is completely smashed and hissing smoke starts to rise up from it. 

Thor feels like he's in a daze, but he manages to remove the car keys and press the button to turn off the alarm. As the airbags deflate, they sit there in stunned silence. When the initial adrenaline has subsided Thor opens his mouth to yell at Loki, but he finds they are both speaking at the same time. 

"Great, _now_ look what you have-"

"Are you satisfied now, broth-"

They both glare at each other.

"Oh, so this is _my_ fault now?" Loki says indignantly, wiping blood from a cut on his forehead. 

"You distracted me!"

"It was _you_ who crashed the car, Thor."

"Yes, but you most certainly helped."

"Oh, isn't that lovely," Loki says, crossing his arms. "You haven't changed at all have you? Still so arrogant, thinking you can do no wrong."

"And you still create chaos without regard for its consequences!"

They glare at each other, neither one flinching or willing to back down. Long moments pass and the harsh sound of their heavy breathing sounds deafening in the silence.

Thor doesn't know which one of them moves first but suddenly they're on each other, lips pressed together in a desperate kiss. Thor moans into Loki's mouth as they kiss frantically and oh how he has missed this. He feels undone by the press of Loki's lips and the sweet slide of Loki's tongue against his own. Thor runs his fingers through Loki's hair and Loki's hands roam over Thor's body in a frenzy, touching him wherever he can reach. 

Thor pulls back enough to kiss his way across Loki's jaw and then bury his nose into Loki's neck and breathe him in. Loki lets out a throaty moan and shudders when Thor nips and kisses at the soft skin of his neck. From the corner of his eye, Thor can see the backseat and from the way Loki's neck is turned, he can tell that Loki is aware of it too. Thor keeps kissing Loki's neck as his mind races a mile a minute, considering the possibilities. Although the hood of the car is smashed, the backseat is still intact. They are both tall, but if they contorted themselves a bit, they could find a way to both fit. 

Thor pulls his mouth away from Loki's neck and moves in to kiss his lips again but the look on Loki's face gives him pause. He needs to see this and remember this image always. Loki is wide-eyed and panting, his cheeks rosy, lips swollen, and his hair a tangled mess. 

"Thor," Loki says breathlessly, the way he phrases it sounding almost like a question. Thor answers him in the best way he knows how, pulling him close and kissing him again. He pulls Loki closer until he is halfway draped in Thor's lap. It's Thor's turn now to let his hands roam across Loki's body and he can feel his cock start to harden at the sensation of having Loki so near. Thor can feel lines and curves of Loki's body through his suit and he barely resists the urge to simply tear it to shreds like he did in Casablanca.

They keep kissing but when Loki inches even closer, his elbow hits against the steering wheel and the horn blares, startling the both of them. They pull away and look at each other, both breathing hard. Then Loki's expression shutters and he sits back in his seat again and stares out straight ahead. Thor leans back in his own seat and sighs. 

"Well," Loki says, his voice dripping with condescension, "this is _your_ little adventure, Thor. Now what?"

Thor pauses. "You have magic, Loki. You could simply fix the car and we could continue on our way."

"Perhaps I don't know how," Loki fires back. "Tell me, Thor, do I look like someone who would concern himself with something as insignificant as the inter-workings of Midgardian vehicles?"

"Liar," Thor says, glaring at Loki. "If it's so insignificant, surely it would be quite simple for you to repair."

Loki shrugs. "Maybe, maybe not. It's not my fault that you do not understand the limits of seidr. You should have paid more attention during our magic lessons. So I ask you again, _brother._ Now what?"

Thor grumbles and pinches the bridge of his nose. It baffles him, how one moment they could be kissing and the next they are stuck in the web of yet another one of Loki's mind games. He fears Loki will drive him mad before the day is through. He will never understand why Loki plays these games, why he always has to make things so complicated.

"Just… just get out of the car, Loki."

"Fine."

Thor reaches back to grab his bag from the backseat and then they both get out of the car and slam their doors shut. Thor stomps off further into the forest, using his longer legs to stay a few steps ahead of Loki who is following quickly behind him. The forest is beautiful, all massive beech trees and bright green moss. Though the sky is drizzling a bit, they are mostly protected by the canopy of trees. They trudge on in silence for awhile, both stewing in their own frustration and anger. Thor can feel the displeasure rolling off of Loki in waves.

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know."

Thor doesn't turn around but he can easily envision the pinched, disapproving expression on Loki's face. "So you mean to just leave the car there then?"

"I don't care about the car, Loki," Thor says, his voice a low, frustrated growl.

Thor has spent entire days in battle before, but this feels like the longest day of his life. This battle, this constant struggle between he and Loki is more exhausting than any war could be. It was only months ago that Thor fought Surtur and nearly died, but even _that_ felt easier than this does.

"Then what is the meaning of this? This whole day has been tedious. You say you wish to talk but then you will not speak to me until I'm 'ready to see sense'," Loki spits out, "whatever that means."

"And I see that still you are not yet ready," Thor calls out over his shoulder, but he keeps walking. He hears Loki's pace increase behind him and he knows that Loki must be positively _fuming_ by now. Thor can't help a small smile at the thought of Loki's expression. It's the older brother in him, that instinct to challenge and tease Loki enough to pull him out of the labyrinth of his own thoughts.

More clouds move in and the sky starts to darken. It begins to rain hard, little droplets slipping through the cover of trees to wet their hair and make their clothes stick. Thor knows that Loki is terribly vain, and must surely be upset by what the rain and mud are doing to his hair and clothing.

"Cursed rain," Loki mutters under his breath. "Is this your doing, Thor?" he accuses. Thor shrugs, because honestly he doesn't know anymore.

"Idiot," Loki grumbles under his breath, but he continues to follow Thor through the forest. They are silent again for long minutes and all Thor can hear is the sound of the rain, the distant sound of cars on the highway, and the crunch of leaves under their feet.

"And what now, _brother_?" Loki says sarcastically. "Am I sufficiently calm enough for you to deign speaking to me?"

Thor pauses in his tracks for a moment. 

"No," he says and then he starts walking again.

As they trudge along, Thor feels like he finally understands why Loki so often gave him the silent treatment when he was upset with him. Thor has never been successful at using it on Loki before though. Loki has always loved his solitude and Thor has never had the discipline to avoid Loki's company for long. But today the circumstances have changed and quite frankly, it feels good.

"Enough!" Loki yells, his voice echoing through the forest, causing a few terrified birds to fly away. "This is ridiculous and I will not stand for it, Thor. As always, you look down upon me as if I... as if I am some weak, petulant _child_. If you have something to say, then say it and be done with it."

Thor stops walking and turns around to face Loki, but he still doesn't speak. Loki glares at Thor, his eyes full of frustration and rage and his mouth drawn in a harsh line. His hair is in total disarray, soaking wet and curling at the ends. The cut above Loki's eyebrow from the crash has not quite healed, a thin red line marring his pale skin. Though Loki's clothes are drenched and he is not in his armor, his fierce expression and the bloody gash on his forehead make him look like a warrior primed for battle. 

It's clear that Loki is looking for a fight. Thor doubts that Loki will physically strike him, but he will surely use his sharp, clever words that sting like a lash. But there's something about his demeanor that is off. His stance is not truly that of a man who is attacking from a position of confidence. It's protective and defensive (although no less dangerous). Loki continues to glare at Thor as if he can make him speak by sheer force of will. Finally, Loki sighs and crosses his arms angrily. 

"Oh for Bor's sake, just spit it out!"

"And what is it you would have me say, Loki?"

"Do not play coy with me, Thor."

"When have you ever known me to play coy?"

"Then speak plainly like the guileless fool you are. Go on, Thor, don't leave me waiting," he says sarcastically. "Tell me how I've wounded and wronged you once again. That I am the cold, heartless monster who manipulated you into my bed."

Thor doesn't respond and Loki looks at him carefully, sizing him up before his lips curve up into a cruel smile. 

"Or better yet," he says vindictively, "tell me how feels it to get a brief taste of what you want and lose it, to know it can never be."

Thor pauses for a long moment, raindrops soaking his hair as he carefully considers his words. "These sound more like your thoughts than mine, brother."

Loki lets out a frustrated sigh and shakes his head. "I fear I will never grasp the true depths of your idiocy, Thor. What will it take to get you to see the truth?" he asks, his voice rising and tinged with a faint edge of bewilderment. "Why keep up the pretense? _Just_ _give up._ "

"No. _Never._ "

Loki opens his mouth to speak, but then seems to think better of it. Instead, Loki grits his teeth so hard Thor can almost hear his jaw clicking. 

Seeing that Loki is momentarily silent, Thor seizes his opportunity to speak. "In spite whatever other motives you harbored, in the end you gave of yourself freely because you wanted to. You wanted me as I wanted you. And no matter what lies you tell, you still do."

Loki scoffs. "You're even more pathetic than I thought if you think-"

"Then what was that in the car? Was it a figment of my imagination?" Thor says. "No more lies. Loki, what we shared... you cannot tell me that it meant nothing to you."

Loki laughs. "Yes, I can. And quite easily at that."

" _No._ These are just fictions you tell yourself to keep us apart."

Loki starts to protest, but Thor cuts him off. It's important that Loki hears this now, because in 10 long years, Thor has never been as close to reaching him as he is now. "And I know you do not find it easy to believe me. You speak the language of secrets and riddles, and so you think that all whom you encounter do the same."

"I know what darkness lies in the hearts of men far better than you ever will, _brother_."

"But there is no darkness in my heart, Loki, not when it comes to you. I have said it before and I will say it again. I would say it over and over until my voice is hoarse, as long as it takes for you to believe me. I love you, Loki. Nothing in all the realms will ever change that. _Nothing._ " 

Loki laughs humorlessly. "Oh, nothing will change that, will it?"

Loki takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, and Thor knows what he's going to do. He knows this is a test, perhaps the most important one Loki has put him through over the course of the year. But he is ready for this. He is resolved and he will not fail.

Slowly, Loki's skin begins to change, alabaster fading away and becoming dark blue with textured ridges. Loki opens his eyes and they are bright red as he glares at Thor. His brother wears the face that Thor was taught to hate and fear, was taught to view as monstrous. But Thor has learned better now. He has suffered much heartbreak and pain, but he has grown into a better man than the ignorant, arrogant prince he once was. He sees the truth that Loki's self-hatred will not let him acknowledge. Loki is as striking in this form as he has ever been. He is still the man Thor loves and wants to spend all of his days with. 

" _Now_ look at me, Thor."

Thor does. And even though the raindrops fall hard on his face he doesn't flinch - not even for a moment - and he doesn't look away.

Loki gestures to himself angrily. "Look upon me now, and see the monster that I truly am!"

"There is no monster here, only Loki." Thor wants to touch Loki in this form and know what those ridges feel like under his fingers, but he doesn't know if Loki will welcome it. He takes a step forward and tentatively raises a hand, but Loki takes a step back and raises a hand of his own to halt Thor. 

"And _still_ you... how can you..." Loki starts and then swallows hard, looking down at the muddy ground. He looks up at Thor again and shakes his head. "Don't touch me Thor, it will only hurt you."

"I know," Thor says and he takes another step forward because it doesn't matter how much it hurts. When it comes to Loki, Thor will always be willing to take the risk.

Thor slowly moves forward until he stands directly before Loki. Loki stares at him with haunted eyes, and he stands there as if frozen to the spot. Thor takes a deep breath and braces himself, but when he touches Loki's cheek it doesn't freeze him, it just feels wet from the rain and pleasantly cool. Thor doesn't know much about Jotun physiology. He doesn't know if the freezing touch is a defense mechanism that Jotuns can regulate or if it's simply Loki's magic that keeps Thor safe from injury. In the end it doesn't truly matter. What matters is that somehow, Loki has chosen not to hurt him.

With careful fingers, Thor traces the markings on Loki's face. He marvels in it, wondering what these lines means, and what secrets and stories they may hold. Loki closes his eyes tight and bites his lip hard, but Thor can feel the way he is shaking. In that moment, Thor realizes that it's likely that no one has ever touched Loki in this form before, let alone with affection.

"Oh Loki, my love," he says, voice full of emotion, "I had no idea-"

"Shut up." Loki moves to turn his face away, but Thor grips Loki's chin firmly in his hand and forces Loki to meet his eyes. Loki's eyes are a deep, ruby red and shining with unshed tears.

"Loki-"

" _Shut. Up._ "

This time, Loki does slip out of Thor's grasp and steps backwards. Loki closes his eyes and then slowly lets his skin fade back into its Aesir form. Though the rain has diminished, little droplets continue to fall on them as the moments pass and they stand there in heavy silence. Loki finally opens his eyes and looks at Thor, his face blank as if nothing happened at all. But Thor refuses to go back to this again, not after all that he has just seen. 

"We don't have to continue on this destructive path, Loki. What good has ever come from us fighting each other? What good has ever come from us being dishonest with each other?"

"Well," Loki says with a flippancy that doesn't quite reach his eyes, "I suppose your exile finally taught you the most basic level of humility."

" _Loki,"_ Thor says, feeling like he could he could scream with frustration. He looks upward to the heavens as if some answer will appear writ across the sky, but instead all he receives are stray raindrops hitting his face.

Loki looks at Thor with pity in his eyes. "Poor, foolish Thor. It was inevitable. There was only so long I could endure living in your shadow, to be belittled and chastened at every turn. But _never again_."

Thor pauses for a long moment. "There were times I told you to know your place, brother. And for that I apologize, I was wrong. But in some ways, you have done the same."

Loki laughs. "Oh, is that so?"

"It is you who defines us as always being in opposition to each other," Thor says. "It is you who places limitations where they are not needed. You call me sentimental. You call me fool, you call me enemy. And sometimes I am these things, but they are not _all_ that I am."

Loki claps slowly. "Ah, what strong words of wisdom," he says derisively. "Surely the All-Father would be proud."

Loki pauses and then looks at Thor like a viper going in for the kill. "Allow me to explain what you seem so incapable of grasping: you are Thor Odinson, favored son, golden prince of Asgard. I am Loki _Laufeyson_ ," he spits out, "trickster and liar, hated and reviled, the one who always came up short. It is as it ever was and as it ever will be. It is our destiny." 

"Then... then curse destiny! What does it matter?"

Loki laughs humorlessly. "The Norns would disagree."

"Then curse the Norns as well! We are far from Asgard now. Here, I am just Thor and you are Loki."

"Ever the fool," Loki scoffs. "So what, then? We just cast off all that that has gone before?"

Thor walks forward, places his hands on Loki's shoulders, and looks him directly in the eye. "No, we make it different."

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Loki asks, and though his tone is as sharp as ever, he doesn't recoil from Thor's touch. 

Thor swallows. "I don't know. But we can figure it out together."

Loki is silent for a moment and then he pulls away, violently pushing Thor's hands from his shoulders. "And you think Asgard would just accept this, accept me? _No_ ," he says, shaking his head emphatically. "The lines have been drawn, Thor, and you and I are destined to always be on opposite sides."

"Loki... do you not understand that I would tear fate itself apart for you?"

Loki glares at Thor, practically shaking with fury. "You speak these pretty words now, but what of before? I would have... I would have given you _everything_." Loki's eyes widen as if he's surprised that these words came out of his mouth.

Thor sighs heavily. "I was afraid."

"Oh, and I wasn't?"

"I have many regrets. I accept my part of the blame but what of you, Loki?" Thor cringes the moment the words slip out. They are artless and clumsy, but they need to be said nonetheless.

"Wonderful. As usual _I_ am to blame."

"That is not... what I mean to say is that I cannot read your mind. You are so clever, Loki, you always find a way to get what you want. And I watched and _waited_... but it seemed like you were never affected at all."

"Of _course_ I was affected! As usual, you understand nothing."

"Then _tell me_."

Loki bites his lip and looks down at the ground. "I didn't want it to be a game, Thor. I didn't want to trick you into choosing me. I would have had you of your own volition or not at all."

Hearing this, Thor feels as if he's had the wind knocked out of him. There is so much he wants to say, but he doesn't know how. His heart feels heavy, grieving for all of that lost time. He understands now all the ways that they hurt each other and pushed each other away out of fear and youthful immaturity. 

Before Thor can respond, Loki hits him in the chest hard enough to make Thor yelp in surprise. "And _you_ who was always so reckless. But in this you would not act."

"It wasn't because I didn't care," Thor says, rubbing his chest to soothe the bruise Loki has surely left there, "never that. But I... I love you too much to be reckless with your affections. There was so much that I didn't understand then. And it takes me a long time to get some things, you know this, Loki."

Thor smiles, and though Loki's face is drawn, he can't help letting out a small huff of laughter.

"I thought it better to let you be, to not let my own desires taint you. I thought it better to let you find someone else who might be better suited."

"I didn't _want_ anyone else, Thor," Loki says quietly.

"And now?"

Loki swallows hard and for once seems to be at a loss for words. 

"I..."

Loki surges forward and Thor meets him halfway, throwing his arms around Loki and kissing him hard. Loki kisses back, grips his fingers in Thor's hair. It feels so perfect, so _right_ , like they should always be this way. They are both eager and desperate, and Loki presses his body firmly against Thor's through their damp clothing. Thor can tell that the brief moment in the car was not enough for Loki either and that the month of separation has been hard on him too. Thor aches to push Loki down and take him right there on the rich, damp earth. It's like something out of an old rite, an ancient ritual to bind them together. But - as always - Loki pulls away. 

"No, not this time," he says, placing a firm hand on Thor's chest to force some distance between them. "I can't… I cannot _think_ when you..." he starts, but he shakes his head and trails off.

"Perhaps that is a good thing," Thor says. "You think too much, brother."

"And you do not think enough." 

"Maybe not," Thor says, smiling, "but that is why we balance each other so well."

"Yes, well..." Loki begins, but he doesn't finish that thought. He looks up at the sky and the little raindrops on his cheekbones only seem to highlight his stark beauty.

"It's time for me to go," he says finally, turning to look at Thor.

"You don't have to."

"Yes, I do. My half, please," Loki says, and though it pains Thor, he does what Loki asks and reaches into his bag to cut an apple in half once again. When the knife slices through the apple flesh, all Thor can feel is the painful sting of failure. More than anything, he just wants Loki to stay with him but he knows he can't force this. Reluctantly, Thor gives Loki his half of the apple and braces himself for Loki to vanish into thin air.

But Loki doesn't leave. Instead he bites into it, chewing slowly. Thor follows his lead, taking a bite of his own half. They eat in silence, catching each others' eyes in an unspoken conversation, although Thor feels like he's two steps behind and struggling to understand what Loki is saying. Light rain continues to fall, and their clothes are soaked through, but neither one of them seems to care. The apple does its work and the cut on Loki's forehead heals and then fades like it was never there at all. When they finish eating, Thor slips his part of the apple core into his bag. Loki holds his up in his hand and stares at it for a long moment, a pensive expression on his face. Finally, he closes his palm over it and it disappears. It's only then that he gazes at Thor again.

"Goodbye… brother," Loki says, and for the first time in years there is no malice in it.

"Goodbye, brother," Thor replies, and as Loki disappears in a cloud of magic, Thor feels the sensation of hope stirring anew in his chest.

***

  


Once Loki has gone, Thor begins the walk back to the roadside. The rain is only a drizzle now and the clouds have cleared enough for him to see the weak light of the sun beginning to set. His mind races, struggling to process all that was said between them. But he cannot focus on that yet. First he'll have to figure out what to do about the car and he's not looking forward to it. 

He continues along the path, constantly second guessing himself and replaying their conversation in his mind. Did he say enough? Were his words still too blunt and clumsy or did he truly reach Loki today? Thor knows that sometimes he can come on too strong or be overbearing but he can't help it. When he loves, he loves hard and without restraint. Loki has always needed space and Thor has always found it hard to give it to him because he feels like he's not truly himself without his brother near. He hopes Loki understands now that Thor does what he does out of love, nothing more, nothing less. That he sees Loki for who he is, not as a quest or a personal failure.

Finally, he reaches the place where the car should be, but it's not there. " _Loki_ ," Thor mutters under his breath. He continues walking through the forest, frustrated that Loki _still_ insists on playing tricks on him. But when he finally reaches the roadside, what he sees stops him dead in his tracks. The car is there and it's pristine, as if it were never damaged at all. Thor can't help the burst of surprised laughter from bubbling up.

“Thank you, brother,” he murmurs, foolishly hoping that his words will carry on the wind and find Loki wherever he is now. Thor pulls the keys from his pocket and presses the button to unlock the car. He gets inside, cranks up the heat to dry his clothes, and continues the drive to Milford Sound. Though Loki is no longer with him, Thor still feels compelled to see their journey through to the end. Out on the open road, his mind is also finally free to roam and think about all he has seen and learned over the past year.

They have traveled the world, dancing around each other all the while. It has forced them to honestly see each other. It has forced his mercurial brother to be _still,_ if only for a day before he slips out of Thor's grasp again. But while Thor can never truly let Loki go, he must learn to let him be. That doesn't mean he condones Loki's misdeeds or that he won't fight tooth and nail to prevent him from causing others harm. But rather it means that he can offer Loki his love but he cannot save him from himself. The only person who can do that is Loki. They have known each other and loved each other for over a millennia and perhaps Thor has always held an idealized notion of their shared past. Perhaps he was too oblivious to realize that Loki may have had a different experience, but Loki goes too far the other way. For someone so gifted with subtlety and nuance, it's funny the way Loki paints their history with such broad strokes. He acts as if there was never kindness, never love and deep affection between them.

They are gods but they are both imperfect beings who carry their own illusions. They both have their own memories, Thor's more often colored by idealism and Loki's by cynicism. But there are points where their memories converge, where illusions are stripped away and all is distilled down into its barest elements. It's then that they are faced with the simple, irrefutable truth of their enduring love.

It's hard to believe that it's almost been a year since they started this. The past several months have been difficult to say the least. It's been a series of back-and-forth, of starts and stops that have ranged from amusing to agonizing. There has been pleasure like nothing Thor has ever known, but always accompanied by confusion and heartache. But with every meeting, more and more of those simple moments of truth have pushed their way forward, breaking through the years of darkness.

Although the year has flown by, the rebuilding of their relationship is a slow process, one that happens one moment at a time. It's one moment becoming another, becoming a day, a month, a year.

But in the end, what is a year to beings such as they?

Just for a minute, Thor rolls down the window and and lets the cleansing rain hit his face and the wind whip through his hair. As he speeds down the highway, he looks out at the sun setting on the horizon and smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next (and final) update will be a triple whammy: December chapter, Epilogue, and fan mix. My goal is to finish before the new year, but it might not be until the beginning of January depending on how busy the holidays are.
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who's been reading along, you're all amazing <3


	12. December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!

Loki leans against a massive tree in a dense forest, invisible and unnoticed as he watches Thor. Thor sits on a hollow log with the magical bag down at his feet, staring out at the trees. It's the same forest they met in almost a year ago when Thor first proposed this bargain to him. Loki still isn't sure exactly where it is, somewhere in California. It's cold out, but it's still sunny enough for golden rays of early morning light to stream through the tall redwoods.

Loki is dressed in a black suit with a green silk pocket square and an open-collared white shirt. The outfit doesn't really do much to protect against the cold, but with his Frost Giant heritage, Loki doesn't need it to. Thor on the other hand, is dressed in khaki pants and a t-shirt, topped with a dark leather jacket with wool lining. Though these Midgardian clothes are beneath Thor's station as a god and a prince, Loki can't help but feel a little fondness for them. He likes the way they look on Thor, casual but still showing off the strong, masculine lines of his body. He had liked them even better strewn across his bedroom floor.

Looking back, Loki can scarcely believe that the year is coming to an end. He has seen and experienced many things in his long life, but this year has been something he never expected. Loki has always held many roles: liar, trickster, mischief-maker, and storyteller. He entered into this bargain with a particular story to tell, one that was quite straightforward. He would meet with Thor for a few months and draw Thor closer with the hope of reconciliation. He would use his magic to recreate Idunn's apple trees for himself. And then when it was all done, he would stab Thor in the back, twist the knife in for good measure, and then leave Thor behind in a state of hurt and suffering. 

But as the year progressed, the story shifted and changed like a living thing, becoming ever more complicated. Even the overly simplified story he'd told Thor in November had ended in a car crash, followed by Loki revealing more of himself to Thor than he ever imagined. In the end, it all comes down to a variable that Loki did not spend enough time factoring in: this is not just Loki's story to tell, it is Thor's as well, and Thor isn't the kind of person to content himself to merely being a passive listener. He has challenged Loki at every turn, pushing back and pushing the narrative into places Loki would rather not go. This year is _their_ story, one that they have woven together like the warp and weft on one of Frigga's looms.

Loki doesn't need to be here today. It's been 2 weeks since he achieved his goal, and he now has 3 apple trees of his own. They're not quite the same as those from Idunn's orchards, but they are more than sufficient and will prolong his life for many years to come. He is free to walk away and wash his hands of this arrangement once and for all. He is free to chose whatever path he wants, and yet he he has chosen to be here. 

Loki has spent the last month picking at every angle, hoping to come to a different conclusion than the one that suddenly seems so painfully obvious. He has lied to, wounded, threatened, and even tried to kill Thor many times over. But Thor has never faltered in his efforts to show Loki how much he is loved. For years, Loki has sought to find the fatal flaw, the limit to Thor's love. But he realizes now that it's a fruitless search, because he will never find that which doesn't exist.

Thor is and has always been his. 

It's absolutely terrifying and he doesn't know what to do with it. He has more power over Thor now than he ever dreamed and yet he hasn't the heart to manipulate it to darker ends (even though an internal voice within screams at him for his weakness). For years, Loki has felt so brittle and cold but now he senses a growing warmth and the stirrings of new life, like the thaw the signals winter's end. Loki still doesn't know how Thor managed to find his way past the barriers he so painstakingly put in place but there's no turning back now. And truth be told, Loki doesn't want to. Instead, he wants to lose himself in Thor's warm embrace, all the while knowing that in losing himself, he finds himself. 

Perhaps it is like the apple Thor shares with him each month. Perhaps it is a gift, plain and simple, and Loki need do nothing more than accept what is offered. He understands this mentally, but another part of him recoils at the thought of dealing with that level of emotion. He knows that there is still a bitter darkness in his heart and a terrible rage at Odin, at Thor, and at himself. And though he doesn't know how to sate it, he knows that nothing he's done in the past decade has brought him any sense of accomplishment or solace. The time has come for him to adapt and try something new. After all, stagnancy is hardly befitting of the God of Chaos. 

Loki knows this, but when he thinks about the direction of his relationship with Thor he feels like he's at a loss. He doesn't know how to do this, _any_ of this, and he can't quite figure out why. It could be that he's just terribly out of practice, he's forgotten how, or maybe he never truly knew in the first place. And though it pains Loki to admit it, maybe they have finally found something in which Thor can be Loki's teacher for once.

From his hiding place, Loki looks at Thor as he sits and taps his foot in restless boredom. Loki can't help the warm flush of love he feels for this stubborn, willful, impatient man, sitting there waiting for _him_. And at least for the moment, Loki has grown tired of keeping him waiting.

***

  


"I was not certain you would come."

"Neither was I," Loki says, and he finds himself surprised at the simple honesty in that statement.

"How long did you spy upon me, brother?" Thor asks as he stands and approaches Loki.

Loki's eyes narrow. "You knew."

"No," Thor says, looking very pleased with himself. "Well, not until just now."

"Ooh, very clever," Loki says sarcastically. He scowls, mentally kicking himself for falling for the second oldest trick in the book (the first of course being Thor diving forward to tackle one of Loki's doubles). His feelings for Thor must be making him dim-witted, but for the moment he finds that this doesn't bother him as much as it should. Loki gestures with his hand and casts his glamour on them. Although they probably won't run into a lot of people this deep in the forest, it doesn't hurt to be cautious. Loki crosses his arms loosely and looks around. 

"Back where we started, Thor?" Loki says disdainfully.

Thor pauses for a moment and a thoughtful expression settles over his features. "Yes and no," he says.

Loki rolls his eyes. "Always so sentimental... brother," he says, just to try out saying the word without anger or sarcasm again. It makes him feel naked and exposed, and he immediately wishes he could take it back. He hears Thor's sharp intake of breath, followed by a look of pleasant surprise.

"Brother, I-"

"Oh, do be quiet," Loki says, rolling his eyes again. "Always making things out to be more important than they truly are," he grumbles.

"I will try to avoid doing so in the future," Thor says. Thor laughs and Loki lets out a little snort of his own because they both know that he won't. Thor extends an arm forward, gesturing to Loki to start walking. They wander side by side through the forest and Loki breathes in the smell of damp earth beneath their feet. The redwood trees are massive and majestic, thick reddish-brown bark with green lichen. Birds twitter from their perches up in the tree branches and the light mist that hangs in the air makes this place seem otherworldly.

"I... thank you. For fixing the car."

Loki shrugs. "Well..."

"The words you're searching for are 'you're welcome', brother," Thor says in a teasing voice that makes Loki scowl at him. 

"After you had gone, I drove on to the Milford Sound," Thor continues.

"Oh really?" Loki says archly.

Thor lets out a wistful sigh. "It was beautiful. I only wished you were there with me. Perhaps another time we can return there."

"Perhaps," Loki says, and they continue walking on. Although the silence between them is companionable, it also feels like they're both holding back. So much was said during their last meeting that neither one of them seems to know where to start. For all of Thor's good cheer, he still seems slightly unsure of himself and Loki finds this oddly reassuring. Whatever resolutions Loki may have come to in the past month, he still chafes at the idea of Thor having the upper hand. But despite this, much of the urgency of their last meetings seems to have diminished. There's no reason to rush things. They have time now, as much as they need. 

The silence stretches on for a few more minutes until Thor nudges Loki playfully. "Aren't you going to ask what I have planned for today?"

Loki sighs. "And what have you planned for the day, Thor?"

"We shall go on a hunt, as we did in days of yore."

"A hunt?" Loki says, raising his eyebrows at Thor. "Truly your sentimentality knows no bounds."

Thor wraps an arm around his shoulders, and Loki can feel the smile on Thor's lips when nuzzles Loki's neck and presses a kiss there.

"Get away," Loki says, scowling and pushing at Thor. Thor lets his arm slide off of Loki's shoulder and Loki turns his face away because his cheeks are flushing red like some lovesick fool.

He will never be able to show his face to Victor again, not after the way Thor has completely ruined him.

***

  


They march on through the forest and the light from the high, midday sun spills through the tree branches. As much as Loki likes his outfit, it's not at all suited for today's activity. With a simple thought, he begins using his magic to give himself clothing that's closer to what he used to wear on his travels with Thor. First come the soft brown breeches and the black, mid-calf boots. These are followed by a dark green tunic with gold embellishments around the neck and a black belt to hold his knives. Thor nods his approval and looks at Loki appreciatively. Loki turns his face away and allows himself a secret smile, wondering if he'll ever get tired of seeing Thor look at him that way. He doesn't think so.

Thor reaches into his bag and pulls out a yew wood bow that Loki recognizes as one of his own. The bow curves at the ends and the wood has a dark brown lacquer and gold vines hand-painted onto its surface. Though he took it with him on many hunting trips, it's been ages since Loki has thought of the bow at all. The last he remembers, he thinks he stashed it in a corner in his old bedroom. 

"You kept it."

"Of course we did," Thor says. "Your rooms have been untouched since you left. Although Mother has gone to sit inside from time to time, as have I."

Thor smiles sadly and looks off into the distance. "And once," he says, turning back to look at Loki, "I even saw Father-"

"Enough," Loki says, making a show of adjusting the bow's tension. He doesn't care how Odin feels. If the old fool mourns anything it's his own failed gambit, not the false son he once claimed to love.

Thor pulls out two quivers, one filled with arrows with burgundy feathers at the ends and the other with dark green feathers. He gives the one with green feathers to Loki and then slings the other quiver over his shoulder. Though archery is not the strongest suit for either of them, as princes they were trained to be more than proficient with any weapon. As Thor makes adjustments to his own bow, he seems more comfortable with the weapon than he has in the past and Loki wonders idly if Thor has been practicing with Barton. 

"Let's make this more interesting," Loki says as they start walking again. No matter how much Thor may have improved, Loki has always been better with ranged weapons and so he feels he still has an edge here. Plus, he's never been great at passing up an opportunity to tease or trick Thor, and he doesn't think he ever will be.

Thor glances at him and shakes his head as he chuckles. "Oh, I think not. I think that any time spent in your presence is interesting enough as it is, brother."

Loki makes a face at him. "Although I probably shouldn't encourage your sentimentality, I thought we could continue an old tradition. We'll hunt rabbits, three of them," he says. "He who kills at least two out of three is the victor, and the loser will be tasked with the cooking."

Thor sighs and then he smiles good-naturedly. "Very well."

They continue through the forest, heading into an area where the trees aren't as dense. They separate from each other and fan out as they step lightly, careful not to let their footfalls crunch too loudly on the small, scattered redwood cones on the forest floor. Loki sees a rabbit and when he glances over in Thor's direction, he can see that Thor has seen it as well. When they've gotten close enough, Loki smiles and nods his head at Thor, giving him permission to take the shot. Thor frowns at him suspiciously, but he adjusts his stance and pulls back his bow. He lets the arrow fly, but before it reaches its target a gust of wind comes and throws it off course. The arrow sinks into the bark of a tree and the rabbit scampers off. 

"Cheater!" Thor says as he glares at Loki, the sound of his voice echoing through the forest and scaring the rabbit even further away. 

Loki laughs at him. "Cheater? How terribly pedestrian. I prefer saboteur."

"It matters not what you call yourself," Thor says as he stalks over to where Loki is standing, "it's still cheating."

Loki shrugs. "It's not my fault that you always fail to be specific about rules. Truly Thor, you should know better by now."

Thor lets out a frustrated sigh and then they settle into quiet again, looking for more rabbits. Thor is the first to spot the next one and he gestures at Loki to follow his line of sight until he sees it for himself. Thor smiles and nods at Loki to take the shot, but before Loki can draw his bow, Thor holds up a hand to stop him. He slowly and carefully walks over to Loki and then leans in and whispers in his ear. 

"I've changed my mind," Thor says, his breath warm against Loki's skin. "If I win, I don't want you to cook. I want you to give me a kiss," he says and then he smiles and steps back, gesturing for Loki to proceed. 

Loki glares at him and then turns his attention to the task at hand. He tries to focus, but he feels Thor's heated gaze upon him the entire time and he can't help but remember how things went the last time Thor bet him for a kiss. Loki's pride demands that he make the shot, but his body makes him wonder if it would be better to miss. He feels annoyed and distracted, uncertain about what he should do.

Loki misses.

Thor laughs, his whole face lighting up with mirth. "A terrible shot indeed, Loki. I did not know you wanted to kiss me so badly."

Loki frowns at him. "Oh, shut up," he says, "you're being too loud as usual and scaring off all the animals."

They continue on the hunt, periodically catching each other's eye. Every time their eyes meet, Thor offers him a ridiculous smile and Loki rolls his eyes. Despite the fact that the hunt has been completely unsuccessful so far, it just feels so... natural. They move through the forest together with an economy of movement borne from their shared history, one that makes Loki feel like this is all woven into his very muscle memory. But no matter how much the past informs them, they cannot move backwards. Such a thing is impossible even for them, and Loki thinks Thor finally understands that now.

Loki feels his adrenaline racing with the thrill of the hunt, but that's nothing compared to the real challenge before him: figuring out how to make whatever this is with Thor work. It's like a terribly complicated puzzle that appears to be without a solution, and yet Loki feels like there is a way to make the pieces fit. Loki has always had a keen mind, one that races at a mile a minute and twists itself into knots when he gets bored. Truly, he could use a new challenge. A decade of increasingly half-hearted attempts to take over Midgard has become tedious.

For years Loki sought to create a path for himself that would move him away from Thor, but instead he has stumbled into a place where their paths meet and merge. He doesn't know where it will lead them and he hates the uncertainty of it all. it will be difficult and painful - as everything with Thor is - but it's fitting that they find themselves out in the woods now. They have spent so much time together in places like this and though Loki has gotten them out of many tough scrapes, Thor has also done the same. No matter how many times they were lost in the wilderness, Loki never truly feared for their safety. On some irrational, instinctive level, he knew that as long as they were together they would make it to the other side. 

But this is no time for idle reflection. For now, he focuses on the hunt.

***

  


The afternoon stretches on and then their hunt finally comes to an close. In the end, it is Loki who fells 2 of the rabbits and wins the challenge. They find a small clearing by a massive, fallen tree trunk and set down their equipment there. The forest floor around the tree is thick with lush ferns and Loki can hear the rushing sound of a stream nearby.

Loki doesn't hesitate to gloat while he watches Thor skin the rabbits, but Thor doesn't seem too upset about having to cook. 

"Arrogant as ever," Loki mutters to himself because surely Thor is just assuming that Loki will kiss him anyway (even though in this case he's probably right). Thor has removed his jacket and Loki feels his throat grow dry at the sight of Thor's rippling muscles as he works quickly and efficiently. In need of a distraction, Loki starts preparing a spit for roasting the meat.

"Only because you're taking so damned long," he tells Thor.

"If you say so," Thor says, chuckling softly. Loki helps Thor put the rabbits on the spit and then conjures a fire beneath it. He uses his magic to keep it rotating while he and Thor go to rinse their hands in the stream. They crouch down next to each other and Loki finds it difficult to tear his gaze away from Thor's hands, remembering how good they felt pressed against his skin. As if he's attuned to Loki's thoughts, Thor stops and stares at him. There's that same tinge of desire there, but also a new curiosity.

"Would it be more comfortable for you?"

"What?"

"If you... if you took on your other form."

Loki lets out a snort of laughter because can't think of anything that would be _less_ comfortable. Shifting into his Jotun form is something that always fills Loki with horror and dread, and he feels deeply disturbed now just thinking about it. Loki finishes rinsing his hands quickly and efficiently, looking anywhere but at Thor. He doesn't want to think about how it felt for Thor to look at him in that hated form and still find Loki desirable. To touch his blue skin and call him by his name, not "monster". It's still just too much to process and truly thinking about it is a step Loki is not willing to take today, if ever.

"Well, if you ever wish to do so in my presence," Thor says as he stands and wipes his wet hands on his pants, "it would not bother me." Loki shrugs. He feels unsettled, yet oddly touched by Thor's words.

They return to the fire for their meal and as they eat, Loki is aware that the sunset will be upon them soon and that the day is almost over. They finish eating and then wash their hands in the stream again. Once they return to their campsite, they lay down on the forest floor side by side as the sun slowly begins to set. 

"Do you remember our old hunting trips?" Thor asks, the deep rumble of his voice breaking through the silence between them.

Loki snorts. "Of course I do. I thought that was the point of all this." Loki rolls over onto his side and Thor follows suit so that they can stare at each other in the fading light. 

Thor reaches out and strokes Loki's cheek. "I know. I... what I mean to say is that there were so many times when I wanted to lay you down and make love to you, right there on the ground."

"I would have let you."

Thor takes that statement for the challenge it is and moves forward to kiss Loki. It's a clash of teeth and tongues as they roll around on the forest floor until finally, Thor pins him down. Loki moans at the feel of Thor's weight on top of him. Images flash through Loki's mind of Thor tearing off his clothes and fucking him hard and he feels like his whole body is aching for Thor's touch. Loki shifts his weight until he rolls on top of Thor, straddling him. Thor's hands settle on his hips as they kiss and rub against each other, both of them starting to get hard. 

Thor grips Loki's ass in his hands and though Loki gasps and kisses him harder, a warning flare goes off in his mind. The problem is that every time Thor touches him, his mind goes foggy and he feels sick with desire. It makes him feel like he's losing his wits when he really needs to stay clear-headed more than ever. 

"No," Loki says and he rolls off of Thor and sits up, panting and trying to catch his breath. He looks over at Thor who looks alarmed, as if wondering what he's done wrong.

Loki lets out a long-suffering sigh. "Not _forever_ ," he says, "just... not right now. Another time." Thor smiles in relief and then sits down next to Loki. He reaches out and pulls a twig from Loki's hair before running his fingers through it, making Loki shiver pleasantly. The sun begins to truly set and the sky grows darker with each passing moment. Loki sends off a tendril of magic to revive the fire a bit, the flames rising in a quick burst before settling back down to a more even level. Loki can hear the cry of bird song echoing through the forest and the shifting sounds of Thor reaching around and looking for his bag.

Thor finds what he's looking for and begins cutting the apple in half before looking over and handing Loki his portion. There's a bit of sadness in Thor's eyes, but when he smiles his face glows in the firelight. Loki takes his half, and they stare at each other as they eat in silence. Loki itches to wipe away the apple juice that drips down Thor's chin, but he doesn't. Thor has always been free and open with his affections, but Loki has always been more cautious with his own and there's only so much he can give in one day. 

"I should go," Loki says, moving to stand up after he's finished eating.

"Stay with me," Thor says, grabbing Loki's wrist. Loki looks over at him with a considering gaze.

"Very well. I suppose you _do_ have a few more minutes of my time," Loki says, even though they both know that this is not true. 

Loki can't help but think back on their last visit and the stories they told as they sat by Lake Te Anau. There are so many memories between them, whole lifetimes that they have shared. He pushes his mind back further and further, before his fall, before the ruined coronation, before the travels of their youth, all the way back to his very earliest memories. He has impressions of many things: Frigga's touch, the softness of a blanket or stuffed toy, the low rumble of Odin's voice. But his first real, vivid memory is of Thor. 

Loki remembers Thor leaning forward and smiling at him, bright like a beacon of comfort and safety. He remembers the way Thor's eyes crinkled at the corners and how wide-eyed and rosy-cheeked his young face was.

"Hi," Thor had said, and Loki had smiled back at him. Perhaps his fate was sealed from that very moment. 

Loki gazes out at the campfire and contemplates the things Thor said about fate in November. Though most of it was patently ridiculous, Loki thinks that perhaps there was some truth in it. For better or worse, there is a bond between them, one that can never truly be broken. But what Loki understands now is that only they can decide what meaning that bond holds. Maybe destiny can't be changed, but it is malleable. It can be molded and shaped until what seems impossible becomes possible.

"What is your first memory, Thor?" Loki asks before he can talk himself out of it.

"My first memory?" Thor says, looking surprised by the question. "I have lived for so long... I suppose I've never truly thought about it before." Thor takes a final bite of his apple and stares off into the distance, lost in thought. 

"I suppose it would have something to do with Mother, perhaps being held by her. But I cannot say that the memory is truly clear," he says, shrugging.

"Ah," Loki says, feeling slightly disappointed even though he knows he has no right to be. He feels angry with himself for even caring at all and he can't shake this prickling fear that Thor will always possess more of Loki than Loki does of him. 

Suddenly, Thor smiles and his whole face lights up. "But one of my clearest memories from that time is of meeting you, brother. You were so tiny in Mother's arms, and she and Father looked so happy. Though I was but a babe myself, I feel that... that I _knew_ how precious you would be to me. That I would always stand by you and be there for you."

Loki swallows hard and looks away because he just can't deal with the earnest expression on Thor's face right now.

"And what of you, Loki? What is your first memory?"

_You_ , Loki thinks. _You and your stupid, smiling face._

"It doesn't matter," Loki says, and Thor seems willing to let it go for now.

Silence reigns once more and Thor wraps his arm around Loki and pulls him close. Loki rests his head against Thor shoulder and it terrifies him just how good it feels. Even in their younger days, Loki rarely allowed this kind of intimacy and simple comfort. Back then it was mostly due to his pride and then later his anger and hatred. But whatever the configuration, these emotions are all connected by a common thread of fear, the overarching fear of being seen as weak.

"I'm tired, Thor," Loki says quietly. Though the God of Lies within him is not pleased with the direction today's conversations have been going, Loki _is_ tired. Though his face and body remain youthful, he is ancient and as he grows older, he finds that he's tired of running, tired of fighting battles that can't be won. This past year has stripped him bare, changed him, and pushed him to dangerous new territories. And he's still scared, but he feels that he has already sacrificed too much to the altar of fear in his lifetime.

"Then rest, brother," Thor says and then he presses a kiss to Loki's forehead. Loki allows this closeness for a few moments more and then he stands up and looks away.

"I can't," he says, because it's so much easier than saying "I don't know how."

"Then I will wait for you until you can," Thor says, standing up and brushing dirt and leaves from his pants. 

"You are a fool," Loki says, turning to face Thor.

Thor grins. "Yes. _Your_ fool."

Loki shakes his head, but the possessive part of him latches onto these words with a bright, twisted sense of joy.

"Do you understand now?" Thor says, and the crazy thing is that he finally does. "I am right here, Loki. I'm not going anywhere."

Loki swallows hard. "I am."

"I know," Thor says, and he looks weary but there is also a fond, knowing look in his eyes. "But you will always return to me."

_Always_ , Loki doesn't say. 

"Perhaps," he shrugs. But it's enough for Thor, who smiles because he knows Loki well enough to read between the lines. 

Despite all of his magical skill, Loki has never been gifted with precognition. There are an infinite number of possible futures that could stem from this moment on. They could return to Asgard together someday, or not. Loki might suffer harsh punishment for his crimes, or he might find a way to deceive and manipulate his way out of it. The rifts between Loki and his adoptive parents could mend or become even deeper. But for Loki, all futures hold one constant and that is Thor. Whatever the future holds, it is theirs to shape. 

"I will see you next month then?" Thor asks.

Loki chuckles softly. "Yes, you will." The words feel strange in his mouth, but they also feel _right_. 

The more Loki thinks about it, the more he realizes just how ideal this arrangement is. Thor doesn't need to know about Loki's apple trees, not now and maybe not ever. Though the time limit of one day, once a month may seem arbitrary, it will allow Loki the thing that he needs the most: time. And furthermore, he's still the God of Mischief and he finds that it pleases him to be able to keep Thor on his toes, at least a little bit.

Loki feels himself fading as his magic takes him away, but he's barely back in his villa's garden before he's teleporting himself right back to the forest.

"Thor," Loki calls out. Thor turns to face him, but before he can speak, Loki's lips are pressed firmly against his. It's a kiss for its own sake, because he wants to, because he _can_. 

And in that moment Loki understands just how completely, stupidly in love with this man he is. 

They stand there for long moments, foreheads pressed together and breathing the same air. "Loki... please come home to me," Thor says, his voice thick with emotion. It doesn't escape Loki's notice that Thor didn't ask him to return to Asgard, but to return to _him,_ and Loki kisses Thor again for understanding that distinction. Loki pulls back enough to meet Thor's gaze. 

"I will be with you again soon," Loki says, and he finds himself slightly stunned by the weight in his words. They are spoken not as a simple statement, but as an oath, one that even Loki would be hard-pressed to break.

Loki smiles and then reaches out and strokes Thor's cheek. "Until next time," he says, and then he is gone. 

Even though the look on Thor's face was almost enough to make him break his resolve, Loki knows he isn't ready yet. He knows that he will doubt Thor's love again, because that is his nature. There's too much history between them for this to be simple or easy. There are still so many problems to resolve, so many things to figure out. It will take time, but Loki knows that someday he will find his way home. And when he does, Thor will be waiting for him.


	13. Epilogue

_Asgard_

  


The sun is setting over the citadel of Asgard, the light reflecting off of golden spires and casting everything with a warm glow. Prince Regent Thor Odinson of Asgard sits high up in an apple tree in Idunn's orchard, his arm tucked firmly around Loki, his consort and advisor. Their bare feet dangle in the air as a cool breeze rustles through the leaves.

"Idunn will not be pleased if she finds us here," Loki says with the mischievous smirk that Thor so loves.

"Perhaps," Thor says, "but I am in charge now."

"Ah, brother, but I fear we will always be children in the goddess' eyes."

It still makes Thor inordinately happy to hear Loki call him brother, the easy way it rolls off his tongue. It's a term of endearment they only use behind closed doors now, since legally it's no longer true. It was but one of the prices they had to pay for their marriage, and for Loki's past misdeeds. Though Thor has tried asking Loki how he feels about it, Loki always just scoffs at him. As he's told Thor many times, what they share is more important to him than being an Odinson, a name he no longer wants anyway.

Thor pulls Loki closer and runs his fingers through his hair. The peace between them was hard won, but it has been more than worth any difficulties and setbacks they've faced. Even though it's been decades since they reached the point where they are now, it still feels new to Thor. He relishes the simple joy of touching Loki in this way, just because he can.

"Sentimental fool," Loki grumbles, but he leans into the touch all the same. 

After that first year, the two of them continued to meet every month for some time. Every month soon turned into every week and in the end turned into them living together on Midgard. The villa in Tuscany became their home, though there were growing pains at first. Between Thor's tendency to leave his weapons and gear all over the place and Loki's propensity for setting Thor's things on fire when he was angry, it was a volatile situation to say the least. But as time progressed, they settled into a companionship and easy camaraderie they had both been missing for a long time.

On some afternoons, Thor likes to lay his head in Loki's lap as they sit in the shade of Loki's remaining apple tree. Loki doesn't like to talk about the tree and he never eats its fruit. It had been a difficult conversation between them when the truth came out the trees, and though they were able to reach an understanding, they have rarely discussed it since then. But on a January morning a few years into them living together, Thor had woken up to see that one of the trees was gone. On a January morning a few years later, another one was gone. Loki has never said a word about these sudden absences and Thor has not pushed. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, even for Loki Silvertongue. Thor understands why Loki still clings to the tree, and he knows that one day Loki will cut it down, but only when he's ready.

Sometimes when he's angry, Thor feels the urge to take Mjolnir in hand and strike the last tree down, but he's knows that it's not his decision to make. But most of the time he finds that oddly enough, he rather likes the tree. Thor knows that Loki hates feeling trapped and the last thing he wants is for Loki to feel like Thor is forcing him into anything. This way, Loki has a choice and he is not beholden to Thor. Though the inner-workings of Loki's mind often confound Thor, this odd paradox is something that he does understand: it's only when Loki feels free to leave that he also feels free to stay.

In a strange way, that which was meant to keep them apart has instead brought them together. When Thor looks at the apple tree he remembers Loki's deceptions, but more importantly he remembers Loki's choices since then. They serve as a reminder that every day they spend together is a gift. Every day Loki makes a conscious decision about what he wants in his life, and every day he chooses Thor.

Though they would leave for periods of time to travel the realms together, they always returned to the villa. Even after all his mortal friends (except for Banner) had passed on, Thor continued to protect Midgard (and though Loki would grumble and complain, he could often be convinced to help. The fact that this also served as a kind of atonement for his crimes didn't hurt). During that time, Thor did miss Asgard and visited - always alone - fairly often. But the truth of the matter is that Loki is Thor's home, in the same way that he is Loki's. Where they are is largely immaterial; what matters is that they are there together. 

Thor knows his reign will be short-lived and that he will never truly be King. In the years before Odin's death, Frigga had borne one more son and named him Balder. The boy is still young yet - at least for an Asgardian - so Thor will rule in his stead until he formally comes of age. The boy is brave and kind, and Thor is certain that he will make a great king when he's older. Thor will always be a Prince of Asgard and fight both to protect and preserve her, but his heart lies elsewhere.

Even now, it's funny to think of how badly he'd always wanted to be King, but how easily he found it to give it all up. Thor had told Loki he would tear destiny apart for him and it was an not an oath made in jest. When he'd told his father of his intentions to wed Loki, Odin had not been pleased and had given Thor an ultimatum. In the end he had to choose between Loki and the throne.

He has never regretted his decision and given the chance would make the same choice all over again.

Thor has never been quite sure of his father's motives in forcing this decision. Frigga always seemed to imply that Odin's motives in this were more complicated than they appeared. Though his disappointment with his sons' choices was obvious, Thor never doubted that Odin loved both of them. In the end, things have turned out better than Thor could have hoped. If Thor had become King, Loki would have chafed at being tethered to Asgard for eternity. Instead, they can stay for a time and then once again be free to come and go as they please.

Not all in Asgard are accepting of their relationship, but with Frigga's support, Loki's contrarian nature, and Thor's sheer stubbornness, somehow they manage. Sif and the Warriors Three have also been a great help, as they have always supported Thor through his triumphs and his tribulations. Loki's aid was invaluable in defeating Surtur once and for all, which earned him a lot of goodwill from the people. Thor and Loki still fight all the time and they likely always will, but it's not a bad thing. It's just the natural push and pull between them, it's who they are. It has taken years but they have finally learned to use it to communicate instead of just talking past each other. 

There will be a feast that evening to honor a visiting delegation from Alfheim, but for now all is calm up in their tree. Loki plucks an apple from a branch above him and pulls a small knife from his belt. His clever fingers cut the apple in half and he hands one portion to Thor. 

"Always so messy," Loki complains as Thor takes a big bite and apple juice runs down his jaw. Loki catches the excess juice with his thumb and then sucks it into his own mouth. Thor feels his breath hitch in his chest at the sight.

"Loki," Thor says, "why do you tease me so, and right before we must meet with the Alfar delegation?"

"Why do you ask questions you already know the answer to?" 

Thor laughs and Loki gives a long-suffering sigh, even though his eyes are filled with amusement. Loki leans in and kisses Thor, the sweet taste of apple on his lips. It reminds Thor of the first kiss they shared here so long ago.

And it's fitting because just like the the trees in the orchard, what he shares with Loki is powerful, it is eternal. It has endured and will endure until Ragnarok comes and this is all nothing but dust. And when the world begins anew they will find each other again.

_Until next time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it!
> 
> I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's been reading this fic, all of your support and encouragement has really blown me away. When I started this story back in July, I thought it would be 15,000 words at the most so clearly it ended up taking on a life of its own, but I can't say that I really regret it :)
> 
> As I said before, there's also a companion fanmix for this fic, which you can find via my tumblr:  
> http://cavaleirahh.tumblr.com/post/39244477337/take-the-long-way-home-a-thorki-fanfic-and
> 
> I have another long Thorki fic in the works, but I have left the door open here for potential future ficlets in this 'verse so we'll see what happens ;)
> 
> (EDIT: I started a little series of ficlets set in this verse called "Each Little Thread", which can be found here: http://archiveofourown.org/series/35190)
> 
> It's been a fabulous ride and I hope you've enjoyed reading about their journey as much as I've enjoyed writing it. <3


End file.
